Tl;Dr, rantfest
I have been having increasingly difficult times with self-worth and my anxiety lately. I also, as mentioned before, have been depressed. Probably a fair bit more than usual. It seems to be having a say on whether I sleep at night now. Usually I just lay in bed, mentally hating myself for hours before it's daylight. Then I'll fall asleep at about eight AM and sleep until my parents wake me up at about ten-ish, depending on the day.
I was listening to my iPod at about seven this morning and "Angel" by Sarah McLachlan started playing. Proceeded to cry for an hour or so. Finally fell asleep a bit later.
I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I don't know what day it is, if I should be awake or sleeping. I don't know when to eat, how much to eat, why I'm eating to begin with. Never really hungry anyway. I feel like I'm in my own, isolated bubble and everything that is happening around me has nothing to do with me. It's like being a ghost and people only poke and prod or generally give a fuck if you start making noise.
Oh, life, you never fail to be interesting.
Ahem, like I said earlier, I got Wellies today. Nobody seems to understand quite why I'm so elated about the purchase. I've never had a rubber-like boot before, so I look like a duck when I walk in them.
Mother is working in Estes Park in early May. We will be up there for her birthday, which I'm happy about. Well, I'm happy because she's happy about it. I suppose it's something to look forward to, although I'm not really sure why. I laze around and do the same thing there as I do when I'm at home.
Dear Colorado,
I wish it would never stop raining or being cloudy.
Please stay this way for a little longer.
I was listening to my iPod at about seven this morning and "Angel" by Sarah McLachlan started playing. Proceeded to cry for an hour or so. Finally fell asleep a bit later.
I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I don't know what day it is, if I should be awake or sleeping. I don't know when to eat, how much to eat, why I'm eating to begin with. Never really hungry anyway. I feel like I'm in my own, isolated bubble and everything that is happening around me has nothing to do with me. It's like being a ghost and people only poke and prod or generally give a fuck if you start making noise.
Oh, life, you never fail to be interesting.
Ahem, like I said earlier, I got Wellies today. Nobody seems to understand quite why I'm so elated about the purchase. I've never had a rubber-like boot before, so I look like a duck when I walk in them.
Mother is working in Estes Park in early May. We will be up there for her birthday, which I'm happy about. Well, I'm happy because she's happy about it. I suppose it's something to look forward to, although I'm not really sure why. I laze around and do the same thing there as I do when I'm at home.
Dear Colorado,
I wish it would never stop raining or being cloudy.
Please stay this way for a little longer.