Avengers/Supernatural fic: Crossovers Never Go Well
Title: Crossovers Never Go Well
Characters/Pairing: Steve, Bruce, Tony, Dean, John, Crowley. Mentions Tony/Pepper. Half-hearted Tony/Dean. Dean/Cas.
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 2010
Disclaimer: I do not own the Avengers or Supernatural, though I'd love a Tony!
Warnings: Slash, crack
Summary: A crazy fangirl kidnaps some of her favourite characters and gives them a strange decision to make. References The Guys You Meet At Bars.
Mary Sue was no ordinary fangirl. Mary Sue was, in fact, a very extraordinary fangirl. She first figured out she could jump between universes when she was around eighteen, though she'd only hatched her, quite frankly, genius plan once she truly got into the idea of multifandom. It hadn't taken as much preparation as she'd thought, but she definitely made sure everything was set and ready so that there wouldn't be any unfortunate... breakouts. She attended lectures, pulled strings, even stole some things, but she figured even if they noticed what had happened, it's not like the alternate universes were real, right? By the end nothing could get out of her purpose built, well, holding pen. Then it was time to fill it.
Tony groaned and clutched his head. Last night must have been more exciting than he thought. He stood up as his eyes adjusted to the bright white light, before he caught sight of Bruce and Steve. That helped ease the headache. They were leaning against polished concrete walls. Steve looked slightly confused, while Bruce looked a cross between shocked and disbelieving.
“Cap, Banner, what's going on?” he asked.
They looked at him, as if coming out of a dream.
“Oh thank god you're awake Tony,” Bruce sighed. “This is just a little too weird for me.”
Dean looked across at the other men in the room. There had been a tense silence for the last ten minutes, everyone apparently trying to figure out if they were dreaming. Then the last one woke up. Son of a bitch.
“Dean Winchester,” Tony Stark turned after having a conversation with who could only be Bruce Banner and smirked, “Missed me that much?”
Dean blushed as his dad looked over at him with a raised eyebrow. He chose, however to ask the other question on his lips.
“Where the hell are we, and who the hell are you?” he growled, gesturing at the four men who were strangers to him.
Before Dean could explain, the man in the corner wandered towards him.
“So what did you piss of this time?” he asked, a smirk on his lips. “I can most certainly tell you that I am not happy about this, and you know what happens when I'm unhappy.”
Bruce stifled a snort, “And Crowley... this is just too strange.”
Crowley turned to face Bruce, annoyance plain as day on his face, “And who the hell are you?” he gestured towards him.
“Bruce Banner,” he stated, before pointing at Tony, “This's Tony Stark,” he nodded towards Steve, “And that's Steve Rogers.”
John's face was the picture of contempt, “Yeah yeah, and I'm Wolverine.”
Tony smirked, “Well I know Wolverine, and you're kidding yourself.”
Dean looked bashful, “Uh, actually dad... it kinda is them. I've, uh, met Tony before.” He looked at Tony who winked at him, quickly looked down again.
“So we're in a cell with Captain America, Iron Man, The Hulk,” Bruce flinched, “and...?” he looked at Crowley.
“King of Hell.”
“The King of Hell... Great,” John's face was decidedly unimpressed at that revelation.
At that moment a voice rang across the room, “Ahh, I see you've all introduced yourselves.”
The men all turned to look at the one windowed side of the room. A fairly young looking girl was standing on the other side of the glass, a microphone pinned to her t-shirt. She looked as if she was happy enough to explode.
“I'm Mary,” she said, “And I'm the one who brought you all here.” She smiled even wider.
Crowley moved towards the glass and using his most threatening voice spoke, “Well, little girl, I should let you know you've made a very big mistake.” He snapped his fingers, waited a moment, and seemed a little surprised.
Mary's smile grew slightly sinister, “Oh really, Crowley? You really think I'd not have taken precautions when holing up a bunch of characters with crazy powers? Growley can't hear you, and you can't use your powers. After all, you are a fictional character.”
John stepped forward, “I don't like all this 'fictional character' talk,” he growled.
Tony intervened, “I'm more interested in how she managed to get us into their universe,” he jerked his thumb at the hunters, “or them into ours.”
“Oh, I did neither,” Mary replied. “You're in my universe. We don't have superheroes, we don't have demons. We don't really have anything interesting. So, I decided I would take things into my own hands. It appears I am the only out of the ordinary person on this planet, and I can jump into fictional universes. Who knew?”
Dean piped up, “You're crazy. Put me back in my own world now.”
Mary giggled, “Oh, but why would I want to do that? I have demands.”
“Demands?” asked Steve.
“Yes. You either sleep with me,” Mary pressed her hand to her chest, before gesturing to all of them, “Or you sleep with either other.”
There was a stunned silence before Dean muttered under his breath, “Oh god, she's another Becky.”
Mary left her captives to talk over their choice without her, she figured ten minutes would be long enough for some interesting information to come out, and she did have the cameras running so she didn't miss anything. Tumblr are gonna love me, she thought.
Bruce was muttering to himself as the others argued about the revelation that not only were they in a completely separate, completely boring universe, they'd been captured by the craziest fangirl any of them had ever encountered. And that was saying something. He absent mindedly spoke to himself.
“Well at least that's a relief...”
The others stopped to look at him. He noticed the silence and then realised they must have heard him. They had questioning expressions on their faces.
He sighed. “Well, if you take the alternate reality theory to it's conclusion, along with the information that our captor can jump universes... she could very easily end up with multiple copies of each of us. I for one wouldn't want to be stuck in this room with five of myself.”
Tony looked at him and smirked, “I'd much rather do myself in this situation. I mean hell, look at me.” He winked at Dean.
John finally seemed to catch up with the situation fully and went into full marine mode.
“Right, we need to formulate some plan of action.”
When Mary re-entered the room it seemed there was some kind of power struggle going on. Bruce and Dean sat out as John, Steve, Tony and Crowley tried to argue their way into a plan they all agreed on. She stood and watched for a moment before speaking.
“I can almost taste the sexual tension,” she purred.
She saw the men stop what they were doing, before a myriad of expressions came over their faces. They all moved away from one another, though Crowley seemed more amused by her reaction than the others.
“Nice to see you're all getting along so well,” she said, resisting the urge to clap her hands in a squee-y manner. She couldn't be that fangirl. Not in front of them. “Reached any decisions yet?”
Tony replied first, “I have a wife to get back to, I think I'll pass.”
Mary pouted, “Oh but Tony, everyone knows about your not-so-little crush on Captain America.”
Steve turned a deep shade of crimson while Tony brushed off her attempt to fluster him like a bug on his shoulder, “Hey, the guy's hot, who doesn't have a crush on him? Haven't you seen his uniform? But I much prefer redheads.”
Dean spluttered, “What is it with girls trying to get guys to make out all the time?!”
“Really Dean?” Mary retaliated, “You want me to tell your dad all about you and your angel boyfriend?”
Dean began to redden as John turned towards him. A moment before John could open his mouth Bruce piped up.
“Pay up Stark!”
“Ahh, Bruce, I see you're on my ship,” Mary interjected.
Tony sighed, before looking pensively at Dean, “So that's why I got that reaction in the bar...”
Dean stuck his arms out in front of him defensively as his dad looked more and more dumbfounded, “Ok, ok, just shut up everyone!”
Steve took the opportunity to step forwards towards the glass. “You say you know us. That means you know that whatever precautions you have put into place, we can get out. We will escape, and we will find you.”
Mary smiled, “Oh but Steve. You've missed something.” She looked around at the others who were staring intently at her, “I'm a fangirl. I know everything about all of you. This cage is demon proof, hunter proof, Hulk proof and super soldier proof. There's no tech to mangle, there's nothing to give you leverage. If there's one thing I do properly, it's fangirl. I know all of your strengths,” she paused, “and all of your weaknesses.”
Days passed as none of the parties involved got any closer to making a decision other than “Fuck no!” They were well fed, and had plenty of water, but they just couldn't find a way to get out of their room, and even if they did, they had no way of getting back to their respective universes. Most of the time was spent either discussing how things in their universe worked, or just swapping stories. There were, of course, also periods of Mary trying to convince them that she really did have the answer. Trying to convince Dean and John that every true fangirl knew Dean was adopted and therefore it wasn't incest was a battle there was never any hope of winning, and watching Dean's reaction when Crowley suggested he could get a really good deal if he snuggled up with him was just hilarious for the Avengers. Then, three days after their initial capture, their moment came.
Mary was visibly getting frustrated. Nothing she could do would persuade them. Who knew characters could be so resistant to their own feelings! They loved each other, why couldn't they understand that!? She sighed as negotiations continued to fail. She tried to resort to the one way she knew how to get things done in fandom.
“Seriously guys, my soul if you get together!”
She didn't notice quick enough the mistake she'd made as Dean's eyes lit up and Crowley's expression changed to subtle victory.
“Done,” he said. He nodded to Dean, who looked at Tony.
They kissed. It was longer than it strictly needed to be, and John almost choked at the sight. As Tony and Dean parted, Dean looked back at Crowley.
“I deal for her soul.”
“What?!” Mary said, completely caught off guard, still in fangirl heaven from seeing the bodily contact. “You can't do that!”
Crowley smirked at her, “Oh yes he can darling. A demon deal is sealed with a kiss, it doesn't necessarily have to be yours. You gave your soul to Dean when he kissed Tony. Now it's his. Looks like you just failed the 'world's greatest fangirl' audition.”
Dean repeated his offer, “I deal for her soul.”
Crowley looked at him, marking all the smiles around the room, they knew they had won. “And what do you want for this deal?”
“For us all to get back to our own homes.”
“I can do that,” he replied.
Crowley and Dean kissed briefly. Everyone said their goodbye's, and as they disappeared she heard Tony's voice, “We'll be sending the X-Men after you.”
Mary was left standing alone outside an empty chamber. She choked back a sob.
“Outfangirled by a character... Tumblr is gonna kill me.”