Why I am not to watch commercials at 4 A.M.
I've had issues with pregnancy-test commercials in the past. So many of them feature prospective parents who act like they're about to find out that they have been chosen to host the second coming of Christ, and completely ignore the reality that the person using the test is at least as likely to muttering some mixture of expletives and prayers to any deities who will listen, hoping that they don't get that second blue line. Clearblue Easy has sidestepped the whole issue of how you might feel about the results. "Don't worry about the future," they say. "Here. take this. Tens of thousands of years of human technological advancement have culminated in this modern wonder. Pee on it."
I WANT to pee on it. I really do. With all my heart.
It doesn't matter that I don't think I'm pregnant. It doesn't matter that I have a piece of plastic in my uterus that says that I'm not getting pregnant in the next four years. Scientists have labored years to create this cutting edge piece of reproductive technology. And they want me to pee on it. Who am I to say no?