Let a playa like me get in that vagina.
You know when you make a comment about something or someone without really thinking first and then they get all flushed and look upset and you're like "Oh, my bad"? Yea. I did that a couple times today.
Number one.
I was helping this chick who was getting an interesting surface piercing that we don't often do. I said something along the lines of "that's so unique. Cool" and she says "Unique is my middle name". So I say "Haha. Yea, my middle name is 'akward'. Wouldn't it be ridiculous if we all had stupid adjectives as middle names? Good shit."
And then I ask for her ID, and sure as fucking enough her name was Ebony Unique Jones. Woops. But seriously...what are the odds?
Number two.
A man came in and requested 3 externally threaded tongue barbells. I was putting his jewlery together and we were just kind of chatting about random crap. Now, today was one of the days at work where we talked about sex an abnormal amount and occasionally customers would join in. He had happened to walk in when Camille and I were talking about vibrating tongue rings and how ridiculous they are and he admitted to having 3 of them. As we're finishing up the interaction, this leggy blonde chick comes in and gives him a hug. And I say "Are you the lucky girl who gets to benefit from these?" and she says, in a somewhat offended and highly embarassed tone "Um..no. This is my stepdad.. Mmmyep.
Number three
It was slow in the evening. Camille and I were discussing the songs that had been stuck in our head and I told her that that Yin Yang Twins song "Bad Bitch" had been running through my head like crazy. So we started singing it, namely the parts that go:
You want this money? Then you gotta be a bad bitch.
Shake that ass for this tip if you a bad bitch.
Drop it down to the floor if you a bad bitch.
Aw naw, she aint a ho she just a bad bitch.
I'm the club, lookin for a bad bitch.
In the parkin lot, lookin for a bad bitch.
Everywhere I go, I'm tryin to find that bad bitch.
You know, me I gotta keep me a bad bitch.
Freak in the mornin, freak in the evenin
I'm lookin for a freak that (something something)
She take me to her house, tease me then please me
She tell are her friend how this dick made her sleepy
Believe me, when I'm up in that I'm beatin it
Givin ya'll that Mike Jonez treatment
I can tell by the way she walk that she got it,
Body so deadly you can tell when she drop it,
I'm either gon' hit or I'mma be (something something something)
I crept up behind her, told her it was time ta let a playa like me get that vagina!
So we're dancing around and shaking our asses like common floozies until we notice the wee lil kids with their mum that had been watching. Woops. Then about 45 seconds goes by before the phone rings and it's Moe, the owner who says "Chloe, please don't hump people in front of customers."
Oh well. I guess tonight I'll have to keep it up. Does anyone know any Holocaust survivors I can make offensive Jew jokes in front of? Or maybe a cancer patient I can blow smoke on? Lemme know.
Number one.
I was helping this chick who was getting an interesting surface piercing that we don't often do. I said something along the lines of "that's so unique. Cool" and she says "Unique is my middle name". So I say "Haha. Yea, my middle name is 'akward'. Wouldn't it be ridiculous if we all had stupid adjectives as middle names? Good shit."
And then I ask for her ID, and sure as fucking enough her name was Ebony Unique Jones. Woops. But seriously...what are the odds?
Number two.
A man came in and requested 3 externally threaded tongue barbells. I was putting his jewlery together and we were just kind of chatting about random crap. Now, today was one of the days at work where we talked about sex an abnormal amount and occasionally customers would join in. He had happened to walk in when Camille and I were talking about vibrating tongue rings and how ridiculous they are and he admitted to having 3 of them. As we're finishing up the interaction, this leggy blonde chick comes in and gives him a hug. And I say "Are you the lucky girl who gets to benefit from these?" and she says, in a somewhat offended and highly embarassed tone "Um..no. This is my stepdad.. Mmmyep.
Number three
It was slow in the evening. Camille and I were discussing the songs that had been stuck in our head and I told her that that Yin Yang Twins song "Bad Bitch" had been running through my head like crazy. So we started singing it, namely the parts that go:
You want this money? Then you gotta be a bad bitch.
Shake that ass for this tip if you a bad bitch.
Drop it down to the floor if you a bad bitch.
Aw naw, she aint a ho she just a bad bitch.
I'm the club, lookin for a bad bitch.
In the parkin lot, lookin for a bad bitch.
Everywhere I go, I'm tryin to find that bad bitch.
You know, me I gotta keep me a bad bitch.
Freak in the mornin, freak in the evenin
I'm lookin for a freak that (something something)
She take me to her house, tease me then please me
She tell are her friend how this dick made her sleepy
Believe me, when I'm up in that I'm beatin it
Givin ya'll that Mike Jonez treatment
I can tell by the way she walk that she got it,
Body so deadly you can tell when she drop it,
I'm either gon' hit or I'mma be (something something something)
I crept up behind her, told her it was time ta let a playa like me get that vagina!
So we're dancing around and shaking our asses like common floozies until we notice the wee lil kids with their mum that had been watching. Woops. Then about 45 seconds goes by before the phone rings and it's Moe, the owner who says "Chloe, please don't hump people in front of customers."
Oh well. I guess tonight I'll have to keep it up. Does anyone know any Holocaust survivors I can make offensive Jew jokes in front of? Or maybe a cancer patient I can blow smoke on? Lemme know.