triggery post maybe?
By way of someone else on livejournal I was shown this online journal entry about the subject of the social victimization of women, and I think it's worth linking to it. It reminded me of the situations endemic in all societies, where women are victimized in subtle ways you can't really notice until it hurts. It reminded me of people I know who have grown up in a cultural background where certain expectations of a woman that are listed in the article are more obvious.
It makes me sad. What really makes me sad is that it's true, these examples happen all the time.
women are raised being told by parents, teachers, media, peers, and all surrounding social strata that:
* it is not okay to set solid and distinct boundaries and reinforce them immediately and dramatically when crossed (“mean bitch”)
* it is not okay to appear distraught or emotional (“crazy bitch”)
* it is not okay to make personal decisions that the adults or other peers in your life do not agree with, and it is not okay to refuse to explain those decisions to others (“stuck-up bitch”)
* it is not okay to refuse to agree with somebody, over and over and over again (“angry bitch”)
* it is not okay to have (or express) conflicted, fluid, or experimental feelings about yourself, your body, your sexuality, your desires, and your needs (“bitch got daddy issues”)
* it is not okay to use your physical strength (if you have it) to set physical boundaries (“dyke bitch”)
* it is not okay to raise your voice (“shrill bitch”)
* it is not okay to completely and utterly shut down somebody who obviously likes you (“mean dyke/frigid bitch”)
It is NOT okay when a guy makes you uncomfortable. You listen to your instincts when they say you shouldn't be around a person, be they man or woman, old or young, friend or stranger, if you don't feel good about the situation, leave it. Your discomfort is far more important to deal with than their ego, so you get out and get safe, get comfortable, get back to your zone of feeling safe. Just because we've got breasts that lactate doesn't mean we have to put up with uncomfortable situations that are potentially dangerous to us.
EDIT: Just say, "I have to go, bye". It's as simple as that. Say that you need to go. If they can't respect that, then it's even more important to get away from them.
It makes me sad. What really makes me sad is that it's true, these examples happen all the time.
women are raised being told by parents, teachers, media, peers, and all surrounding social strata that:
* it is not okay to set solid and distinct boundaries and reinforce them immediately and dramatically when crossed (“mean bitch”)
* it is not okay to appear distraught or emotional (“crazy bitch”)
* it is not okay to make personal decisions that the adults or other peers in your life do not agree with, and it is not okay to refuse to explain those decisions to others (“stuck-up bitch”)
* it is not okay to refuse to agree with somebody, over and over and over again (“angry bitch”)
* it is not okay to have (or express) conflicted, fluid, or experimental feelings about yourself, your body, your sexuality, your desires, and your needs (“bitch got daddy issues”)
* it is not okay to use your physical strength (if you have it) to set physical boundaries (“dyke bitch”)
* it is not okay to raise your voice (“shrill bitch”)
* it is not okay to completely and utterly shut down somebody who obviously likes you (“mean dyke/frigid bitch”)
It is NOT okay when a guy makes you uncomfortable. You listen to your instincts when they say you shouldn't be around a person, be they man or woman, old or young, friend or stranger, if you don't feel good about the situation, leave it. Your discomfort is far more important to deal with than their ego, so you get out and get safe, get comfortable, get back to your zone of feeling safe. Just because we've got breasts that lactate doesn't mean we have to put up with uncomfortable situations that are potentially dangerous to us.
EDIT: Just say, "I have to go, bye". It's as simple as that. Say that you need to go. If they can't respect that, then it's even more important to get away from them.