The fool's game

[raml]

I have a lot to say at the moment, a lot about love and friendship. Over two years ago I left Chris for Edwin, because I fell in love with him in a way I thought would never happen again to me, a way I though could only work the first time. For two years he was my drug, was what I wanted to do, to be with, I wanted a family with him and he promised me the sky even though deep-down I knew he didn't feel the same for me, and I oughtn't to have accepted his shallow narsicistic "love". While I was away he fell in love the same way, for the first time, with a girl named Katherine. Katherine was in love previously with this other fellow who turned out to be not who she thought he was, she's jaded, open to relationships as long as the other person does all the work and proves they want to be with her. Add to this all my previous relationship experiences and watching Ashley deal with her girls and what I know of Chris' love life before me and we have a bit of a sample set. I have come to a couple of conclusions. First, I am obsessive, everyone else might be too. I always need something to think about, to hunger for, to want more and more of. I don't know if this applies to other people but I am sure it is part of me at the very least. For a long while when I was little it was cats, then Pokémon, at some point it was writing, then anime in general and then it was Japanese stuff, after that it was Assho... er, Ryan, my first boyfriend, it's been each of my exs, some less than others, it was Chris, it was Edwin. I have wanted these things to be permanent, have wanted them to last forever and they don't, at least the people don't. The second thing I have come to understand is this, relationships suck. In any relationship you have two people, one of whom is really in love with the other person and feels happy whenever they are together and so on. The other person has all the power in the relationship because of the first person's devotion and whatever level of love they have for their partner is supplemented by that power. Now, here's the thing: I am tired of loving people who don't care about me the way I care for them, it sucks. But I don't want power over anyone either, power and Anne are a dangerous combination and I don't know how happy I could be always having the upper hand. So that's it. Love is a fool's game, it is not my obsession and I will be no part of it again. It's beautiful, but all intense feeling is beautiful. If you want to label me "jaded" and call that the end of things, fine, I will accept that. I probably am, afterall, but these observations, combined with simple statistics puts me in a place where I am willing to accept a life of other obsessions, love is out. Besides, artists aren't supposed to be happy. Happy makes us weak ^_^
Today was highly amusing, I *love* Canadian accents. And here's the URL for Majira, at long last finished: http://us-p.vclart.net/vcl/Artists/Anne/Majira.jpg