freaking out
I am experiencing a crisis of anxiety right now. I really, really want to get into grad school, and im doing what i think will get me in, but times like now, i get scared and I wonder if its a GIANT waste of time. And it scares me even more when i start getting ambitious. My dad asked me tonight exactly what I planned on getting my masters in. I started telling him, masters in counseling, probably with an emphasis on family/child therapy, cuz thats the what the schools that i can reasonably expect to get into offer. But then i veered off into talking about clinical psychology, because the more research I do, the more that clinical psychology fits exactly what I want to do, specifically work with survivors of sexual abuse and trafficking. But all these crazy thoughts of clinical psychology were just...wishful thinking on my part. I didnt realize i was taking it seriously. I KNOW my undergrad and current lifestyle in no way make me a candidate for it. So i have no idea why i brought it up. but i can feel myself gearing up to try for it. And im scared!! cuz thats a way bigger leap than counseling. And i can barely see myself getting into grad program for that!
I'm part of a community that is purely about discussing your grad app, and it disheartens me when i read about people who are going exactly what im going for, but of course, their app is 1000 times better and THEYRE scared. what chance do i have?
I KNOW what i want to do with my life NOW, and it frustrates me that, because i didnt know before, and so didnt really direct my life to achieve it in any way, that I WONT be able to make it happen now. How can i be happy doing anything else when THIS is what i want to do?
And today...sometimes i feel so frustrated at how juvenile and incomptent I must come off. I went to home depot to buy some staining supplies. I'm redoing our cabinets, which ive done before, so i know what im looking for and what im doing. but when the home depot guy comes around, and i ask him where something is, i lose all my words, and i start saying things like, "i need that stuff, ya know, the one that pre-stains. Or that other stuff, that does the thing?" The guy immediately starts talking down to me, and telling me im wrong and everything im doing is wrong. I know im not, but i cant correct myself, so i just thank him and walk away. I eventually found everything i needed at wal-mart. I KNOW what im doing? why can i ever present myself like i do?
I'm part of a community that is purely about discussing your grad app, and it disheartens me when i read about people who are going exactly what im going for, but of course, their app is 1000 times better and THEYRE scared. what chance do i have?
I KNOW what i want to do with my life NOW, and it frustrates me that, because i didnt know before, and so didnt really direct my life to achieve it in any way, that I WONT be able to make it happen now. How can i be happy doing anything else when THIS is what i want to do?
And today...sometimes i feel so frustrated at how juvenile and incomptent I must come off. I went to home depot to buy some staining supplies. I'm redoing our cabinets, which ive done before, so i know what im looking for and what im doing. but when the home depot guy comes around, and i ask him where something is, i lose all my words, and i start saying things like, "i need that stuff, ya know, the one that pre-stains. Or that other stuff, that does the thing?" The guy immediately starts talking down to me, and telling me im wrong and everything im doing is wrong. I know im not, but i cant correct myself, so i just thank him and walk away. I eventually found everything i needed at wal-mart. I KNOW what im doing? why can i ever present myself like i do?