[the_muses_stage] 19 - Lifetime
(Umm...I have no idea what to call this. Other than Randall's stream of unconsciousness. Follows this.)
He's two years old. Sitting on the floor with his choo-choo train. It's his favorite toy. He can push it along the floor and make it move. He can make the "choo-choo" noise. That makes it more real.
And Daddy sits down. He loves Daddy. Daddy makes funny faces and funny sounds. Daddy has another train and is making the "chugga-chugga" sound. It's funny. Randall giggles.
"'gain." He cheers. And Daddy does it again. Just for him.
**
"Don't let go! Don't let go!" He pedals the bike quickly and looks back over his shoulder. Erin's holding onto the back of his bike.
"You hafta look forward, dummy!"
He did as he was told and pedaled. Erin had taken the training wheels off of his bike herself, but he wasn't so sure about the whole thing. "I wanna stop....Erin, I wanna-" he looked over his shoulder again and saw Erin standing several feet behind him. Not holding onto the bike. He screeched and looked forward in time for the bike to topple over. He crashed to the ground. "Erin!"
She ran up to him. "You were fine. You shoulda kept going."
"I hate you," he pouted, crossing his arms.
"Stop being a baby and get up. You can do it this time."
"No I can't," he whined.
"You can," she said firmly. "And...think how happy Mommy'll be to see you do it."
"Yeah?" He chewed his lip and thought this over. Mommy hadn't been very happy all year. Since Daddy left.
"Yup." She knelt down and took his hands. "You can do it, Randy. I know you can."
"Okay," he said meekly, getting to his feet.
**
Sitting in the bar. Watching Anna for the first time. The softness of her skin when his fingers brush her arm...
~**
"Randy! I can't do it!"
"Yes you can," he said gently. He looked at Andrea. "Just try it once more."
"No. You do it for me." She shoved her shoe at him.
"No. If you want to go outside with me you have to tie your shoes. I know you can do it."
"But I can't! I tried!"
"Then have fun staying inside." He got to his feet and headed for the door.
"Wait! No! Wait for me!" Randall turned around and watched as Andrea bent forward and concentrated on her shoes. Her tongue stuck out of the corner of her mouth with fierce determination in her eyes. "Bunny ear, bunny ear," she muttered under her breath. "And fold it in....here! Look! I did it! I did it Randall!"
He smiled and nodded. "I knew you could."
**
She was beautiful, and warm, and he wasn't quite sure how she wound up there...in his bed...in his arms. Learning her body for the first time, her name softly fell from his lips into hers in a needy groan. "Anna.."
**
"My baby's leaving me." His mom held his cheek and gazed up at him, tears in her eyes. He couldn't help but smile slightly.
"I'm not leaving you, Mom. I'm moving to New York. I'll be back to visit all the time."
"But you're never going to move back. I know it. You're going to love it up there." She sniffled. He bent down to wrap his arms around her.
"I love you, Mom."
**
He waited, his heart pounding, for the on air light to flash on. He'd been on air before, of course, but never with his own show. His own show....
**
Hi," he said shyly. "I'm Randall."
She smiled back at him. A warm and wide smile. "Nice to meet you," she replied. "I'm Heather."
**
At the end of their date, Heather invited him upstairs. It wasn't something they had done yet, and he was nervous as hell. She let them inside and he waited patiently. After a couple minutes, she walked up to him.
"Randall, this is Frankie."
Randall smiled at the baby in her arms and reached out to shake Frankie's hand. "Hi there."
Heather laughed lightly and shook her head. "You want to hold him while I pay the babysitter?"
"Sure," he nodded and took a breath as he took Frankie from her. It wasn't like he'd never held a baby before, but it wasn't a regular occurrence by far. The baby didn't even bat an eye when his mother walked off. He just looked up at Randall with his big brown eyes, and Randall looked right back. "So...how's life?"
**
"I'll be here when you come back," he whispered.
She didn't even look at him. "I won't..." he heard her sniffle as she started for the door. She stopped and turned to him, leaning against the door frame for support. "I love you," she whispered. "That...can't change."
"I love you, too," he murmured. He rolled onto his back and stared up at the ceiling. He couldn't do it. He couldn't watch her leave again. Instead he heard her walk down the hall and out the front door, closing it behind herself.
**
He wasn't sure when it had happened or when his clarity was. He didn't know if he was crazy or sane. He did know, however, that he really hadn't known Anna all that long. The weeks after weeks they'd spent together were like a cloud in his head. He didn't want to bother counting them. He didn't want to over think it. Whether it made sense or not, he was in love with her. All he had to do was say it.
**
Saying goodbye to Frankie was breaking his heart. Frankie was crying and Randall was trying not to. And the weeks turned into months and he missed the boy so much. He had a pain in his heart he'd never known before, and there was no way to fix it. And then it had been a year. And then Frankie was running down the stairs and jumping into his arms, and Randall held him tightly again. A happiness he had never known.
**
He wasn't going to be alone again. He couldn't. Not after having her. He wasn't ready for her to not be there anymore. And she was scared and he didn't know how to help her. But he had to do something. Even if the something was just holding her. He would hold her forever if she needed it. Anything for her to see he wasn't going anywhere. He wasn't sure he even know how to leave her. She was Anna. And he was hers.
**
The feel of the paper in his hand. Paper that would finally tell the world that Frankie was his son. He wanted to fall to his knees...
**
Charlie was laughing at Randall. In the bar, celebrating Randall's birthday and Father's Day...
**
And she was coming through the door. And he was holding her again. She was kissing him. How did he ever wind up deserving what she gave him?
**
"Randall! Do not let that boy set off fireworks! His mother will kill you!"
"Calm down, Mom. It's a small one and he's learning to do it right."
"Look Randall! Look at it go!"
"Yeah, look at it. Great job, son."
"Can I do another one?"
**
"Mama's alright, Daddy's alright, they just seem a little weird. Surrender, surrender, but don't give yourself away..."
"Randall!"
**
The sound of his name moved through his mind again and again as he dreamed. The fear in Frankie's voice. He'd do anything for his boy. Throw himself in front of a train for his boy. Anything.
He was sitting back home on the front porch. His father walked up to him and leaned against the side of the porch. His arms crossed over his chest as he looked Randall over.
"You're supposed to do anything for your son," Randall said softly. He looked up at the man. The man he looked so much alike. Nearly same height. Just a few years younger even. But Randall felt so different than his father. "You're supposed to be there. Cover him up before the car slams into the ditch. Not leave. Not walk away. And you don't walk away from the woman you love."
The man standing across from him said nothing, just watched him.
"You don't leave the people you love. If you do leave...then you can't possibly love them."
The man still said nothing.
"I'll never be you," Randall said softly.
But then Randall was alone again. He wasn't on the porch anymore. He wasn't even home. He was in the studio at work. He cued up a song and set the volume at full blast, then leaned back in his seat and closed his eyes, letting the music envelop him as he tapped his foot along...
Lord, I was born a ramblin' man,
Tryin' to make a livin' and doin' the best I can.
And when its time for leavin',
I hope you'll understand,
That I was born a ramblin' man...
1464
He's two years old. Sitting on the floor with his choo-choo train. It's his favorite toy. He can push it along the floor and make it move. He can make the "choo-choo" noise. That makes it more real.
And Daddy sits down. He loves Daddy. Daddy makes funny faces and funny sounds. Daddy has another train and is making the "chugga-chugga" sound. It's funny. Randall giggles.
"'gain." He cheers. And Daddy does it again. Just for him.
**
"Don't let go! Don't let go!" He pedals the bike quickly and looks back over his shoulder. Erin's holding onto the back of his bike.
"You hafta look forward, dummy!"
He did as he was told and pedaled. Erin had taken the training wheels off of his bike herself, but he wasn't so sure about the whole thing. "I wanna stop....Erin, I wanna-" he looked over his shoulder again and saw Erin standing several feet behind him. Not holding onto the bike. He screeched and looked forward in time for the bike to topple over. He crashed to the ground. "Erin!"
She ran up to him. "You were fine. You shoulda kept going."
"I hate you," he pouted, crossing his arms.
"Stop being a baby and get up. You can do it this time."
"No I can't," he whined.
"You can," she said firmly. "And...think how happy Mommy'll be to see you do it."
"Yeah?" He chewed his lip and thought this over. Mommy hadn't been very happy all year. Since Daddy left.
"Yup." She knelt down and took his hands. "You can do it, Randy. I know you can."
"Okay," he said meekly, getting to his feet.
**
Sitting in the bar. Watching Anna for the first time. The softness of her skin when his fingers brush her arm...
~**
"Randy! I can't do it!"
"Yes you can," he said gently. He looked at Andrea. "Just try it once more."
"No. You do it for me." She shoved her shoe at him.
"No. If you want to go outside with me you have to tie your shoes. I know you can do it."
"But I can't! I tried!"
"Then have fun staying inside." He got to his feet and headed for the door.
"Wait! No! Wait for me!" Randall turned around and watched as Andrea bent forward and concentrated on her shoes. Her tongue stuck out of the corner of her mouth with fierce determination in her eyes. "Bunny ear, bunny ear," she muttered under her breath. "And fold it in....here! Look! I did it! I did it Randall!"
He smiled and nodded. "I knew you could."
**
She was beautiful, and warm, and he wasn't quite sure how she wound up there...in his bed...in his arms. Learning her body for the first time, her name softly fell from his lips into hers in a needy groan. "Anna.."
**
"My baby's leaving me." His mom held his cheek and gazed up at him, tears in her eyes. He couldn't help but smile slightly.
"I'm not leaving you, Mom. I'm moving to New York. I'll be back to visit all the time."
"But you're never going to move back. I know it. You're going to love it up there." She sniffled. He bent down to wrap his arms around her.
"I love you, Mom."
**
He waited, his heart pounding, for the on air light to flash on. He'd been on air before, of course, but never with his own show. His own show....
**
Hi," he said shyly. "I'm Randall."
She smiled back at him. A warm and wide smile. "Nice to meet you," she replied. "I'm Heather."
**
At the end of their date, Heather invited him upstairs. It wasn't something they had done yet, and he was nervous as hell. She let them inside and he waited patiently. After a couple minutes, she walked up to him.
"Randall, this is Frankie."
Randall smiled at the baby in her arms and reached out to shake Frankie's hand. "Hi there."
Heather laughed lightly and shook her head. "You want to hold him while I pay the babysitter?"
"Sure," he nodded and took a breath as he took Frankie from her. It wasn't like he'd never held a baby before, but it wasn't a regular occurrence by far. The baby didn't even bat an eye when his mother walked off. He just looked up at Randall with his big brown eyes, and Randall looked right back. "So...how's life?"
**
"I'll be here when you come back," he whispered.
She didn't even look at him. "I won't..." he heard her sniffle as she started for the door. She stopped and turned to him, leaning against the door frame for support. "I love you," she whispered. "That...can't change."
"I love you, too," he murmured. He rolled onto his back and stared up at the ceiling. He couldn't do it. He couldn't watch her leave again. Instead he heard her walk down the hall and out the front door, closing it behind herself.
**
He wasn't sure when it had happened or when his clarity was. He didn't know if he was crazy or sane. He did know, however, that he really hadn't known Anna all that long. The weeks after weeks they'd spent together were like a cloud in his head. He didn't want to bother counting them. He didn't want to over think it. Whether it made sense or not, he was in love with her. All he had to do was say it.
**
Saying goodbye to Frankie was breaking his heart. Frankie was crying and Randall was trying not to. And the weeks turned into months and he missed the boy so much. He had a pain in his heart he'd never known before, and there was no way to fix it. And then it had been a year. And then Frankie was running down the stairs and jumping into his arms, and Randall held him tightly again. A happiness he had never known.
**
He wasn't going to be alone again. He couldn't. Not after having her. He wasn't ready for her to not be there anymore. And she was scared and he didn't know how to help her. But he had to do something. Even if the something was just holding her. He would hold her forever if she needed it. Anything for her to see he wasn't going anywhere. He wasn't sure he even know how to leave her. She was Anna. And he was hers.
**
The feel of the paper in his hand. Paper that would finally tell the world that Frankie was his son. He wanted to fall to his knees...
**
Charlie was laughing at Randall. In the bar, celebrating Randall's birthday and Father's Day...
**
And she was coming through the door. And he was holding her again. She was kissing him. How did he ever wind up deserving what she gave him?
**
"Randall! Do not let that boy set off fireworks! His mother will kill you!"
"Calm down, Mom. It's a small one and he's learning to do it right."
"Look Randall! Look at it go!"
"Yeah, look at it. Great job, son."
"Can I do another one?"
**
"Mama's alright, Daddy's alright, they just seem a little weird. Surrender, surrender, but don't give yourself away..."
"Randall!"
**
The sound of his name moved through his mind again and again as he dreamed. The fear in Frankie's voice. He'd do anything for his boy. Throw himself in front of a train for his boy. Anything.
He was sitting back home on the front porch. His father walked up to him and leaned against the side of the porch. His arms crossed over his chest as he looked Randall over.
"You're supposed to do anything for your son," Randall said softly. He looked up at the man. The man he looked so much alike. Nearly same height. Just a few years younger even. But Randall felt so different than his father. "You're supposed to be there. Cover him up before the car slams into the ditch. Not leave. Not walk away. And you don't walk away from the woman you love."
The man standing across from him said nothing, just watched him.
"You don't leave the people you love. If you do leave...then you can't possibly love them."
The man still said nothing.
"I'll never be you," Randall said softly.
But then Randall was alone again. He wasn't on the porch anymore. He wasn't even home. He was in the studio at work. He cued up a song and set the volume at full blast, then leaned back in his seat and closed his eyes, letting the music envelop him as he tapped his foot along...
Lord, I was born a ramblin' man,
Tryin' to make a livin' and doin' the best I can.
And when its time for leavin',
I hope you'll understand,
That I was born a ramblin' man...
1464