Of strangers and straight boys
Went for a party last night to celebrate Mel's birthday... there was lots of alcohol as usual (with Mel and kutabare , there's ALWAYS alcohol involved somehow. Heh ), and I really had to control myself and take slow, small sips, partly because I had to drive home, and partly to prevent the "evil" hosts from topping up my glass every time they walked past. It was fun though, and it was a nice way to spend a Saturday night. Didn't know most of the people at the party, but that suited me just fine and I stuck to the few who I did know, and managed to catch up with them quite a bit. I guess I'm sort of anti-social like that, because I don't like meeting new people... and so I always approach parties with some measure of hesitation and dread. I guess it's because I think it's unnecessary to know more people... unless you intend to keep in touch with them and develop a friendship, and I know I'm happier spreading out my time with existing friends as it is. And as jetglobal will testify, this reluctance to meet strangers extends to ordinary lunch and dinner meetings - no new people allowed. Yeah, I'm strange like that. Which explains why the only parties I attend are the birthday parties of close friends, simply because the birthday person means a lot to me, and that in itself is more than enough to make me come out of my hermit shell. Heh.
Anyway, for some reason, I was thinking about the party earlier this morning when I woke up. I think the best kind of parties are the ones held in homes or hotel rooms, because there's something comfortable and intimate about the whole setting that makes me feel like I can just be myself and totally relax. It's different when it's in a club, even if it's a gay club, because it's just more... public, and you feel like there are too many people watching, even if they're probably not. Also, I wonder why gay guys are more touchy-feeley than straight boys - I don't think it's because everyone is trying to feel everyone else up (although I'm sure there are some people like that)... I think it's just a way to express how we feel towards our friends and the people we care about. Like giving a tight warm hug to your close friend is so normal in this circle, but for most straight people, it doesn't seem to be something which comes very naturally. At best you get a slap on the back or a playful punch or something like that. Anything more would be encroaching upon his personal space. Maybe that's why we get along better with girls, I don't know. It's just so weird. Or like how it's perfectly fine to lean against another friend while sitting on a couch, or putting your arm around his shoulder or even letting him sit on your lap and placing your arm on his thigh, etc... there's nothing sleazy or suggestive about that (well, with one caveat - that the person is a close friend, of course. Although I do recognise that at the other end of the spectrum there are some who behave this way with everyone, sometimes under the influence of alcohol and sometimes... not... but well, that's an entirely different matter). Anyhow, do these same things in normal circumstances and with straight guys and you'll most likely be labelled gay. Haha... well, they'd be right I guess. But what's the problem with such behaviour? Maybe everyone else is just repressed or maybe we (and I know I may be over-generalising here) are simply more in touch with our feelings. Or maybe it's true that straight boys have difficulty with their emotions and expressing how they feel. Maybe they just block it out because it's easier. Or maybe that they don't feel that much to begin with. *shrugs* Oh well.
I'm glad I can be comfortable with my friends.