a sticky situation
he doesn't know the effect he puts on me.
the way that when that cold stare hits me, and i know that it is really ment to be icy, my heart freezes, my veins freeze and i can feel my once joyfilled eyes go dull. there is no heat pulsing through my body nor love and comfort. the way i can feel his anger pushing twards me, wrapping around my body and engulfing it in a cucoon behavior trapping in a sence of anguish of deciet, almost as if i was in a black tunnel walking to the light, and it just seems to get further and further away the closer i go in the direction it is as if it is expanding and i'll never reach the end of it, makes my skin bubble with anger. i don't understand why he can't recognize the fact that i am interested in what he has to say, i just need to live and do what i want to do though first. he isn't letting me. physically he is letting me, but the way he makes me feel completely banished and shunned from him and his whole reality is emotionally killing. knowing that he won't let me in untill i give into what he wants stabbs me in the heart, twists then pulls out. i know i want to live on and make my own decisions, but i don't want this to ruin him and i. we are supposed to be close knit, we are supposed to be unbreakable, and yet i don't understand how can he push forth a pressure like this. so maybe my decision isn't the greatest, but it's not like i'll be persuing it for the rest of my life or anything. just let me be happy. even if it is a happieness that only lasts for a short while... just let me be.
i love you.
but we don't agree on this here.
the way that when that cold stare hits me, and i know that it is really ment to be icy, my heart freezes, my veins freeze and i can feel my once joyfilled eyes go dull. there is no heat pulsing through my body nor love and comfort. the way i can feel his anger pushing twards me, wrapping around my body and engulfing it in a cucoon behavior trapping in a sence of anguish of deciet, almost as if i was in a black tunnel walking to the light, and it just seems to get further and further away the closer i go in the direction it is as if it is expanding and i'll never reach the end of it, makes my skin bubble with anger. i don't understand why he can't recognize the fact that i am interested in what he has to say, i just need to live and do what i want to do though first. he isn't letting me. physically he is letting me, but the way he makes me feel completely banished and shunned from him and his whole reality is emotionally killing. knowing that he won't let me in untill i give into what he wants stabbs me in the heart, twists then pulls out. i know i want to live on and make my own decisions, but i don't want this to ruin him and i. we are supposed to be close knit, we are supposed to be unbreakable, and yet i don't understand how can he push forth a pressure like this. so maybe my decision isn't the greatest, but it's not like i'll be persuing it for the rest of my life or anything. just let me be happy. even if it is a happieness that only lasts for a short while... just let me be.
i love you.
but we don't agree on this here.