crazy shit
So lots and lots of crazy shit has happened since i last updated. Let's see. My mom and dad remarried this summer after being divorced for 21 years. I got into a great relationship with Jamy. Just found out last week that my dad has cancer in his lung, brain, and liver. Those are the major ones. I know you only get dealt what you can handle and everything happens for a reason. It didn't feel real when I found out my dad has cancer. I kept thinking it was a dream. He's 50. He's so young. But cancer doesn't discriminate. Fucking sucks. He starts chemo Jan 3 so we'll see what happens.
I'm just totally stressed out right now. I'm so glad my boss gave me off work for awhile. I would've just crumbled. I still feel a bit... raw i suppose. I have to go back to work the day after xmas. I still feel like that's too soon. But I'm greatful for all the time she gave me.
What I really want to do is go back to school. I took the semester off and I miss it. But I don't want to work full time anymore. Not til I get a degree or certificate or something. It's the perfect time to go back to school b/c I don't have many responsibilities, hardly any bills. I should be jumping at the chance but I'm afraid to leave my job. Sad. But it's safe, ya know? I've been there over 3 years. I can do it in my sleep. But that's part of what I'm struggling with as well. I'm just not challenged there. Just like in school when I didn't feel like I was challenged so I didn't work as hard. I want to produce something. My boyfriend's starting a candle business and I told him I'd make the candles if he sells them. I enjoy making things. I've really missed out on that for awhile now b/c when I work it just sucks the life out of me and drains all my creativity. It sucks b/c I get inspired at work when I don't have any of my craft stuff with me, and by the time I get home all I want to do is eat and go to bed. I need a change but there's so much change going on around me that I need the stability of it... Tough situation but I suppose when the time is right I'll leave my job. In the mean time I'll just take it one day at a time.
I'm just totally stressed out right now. I'm so glad my boss gave me off work for awhile. I would've just crumbled. I still feel a bit... raw i suppose. I have to go back to work the day after xmas. I still feel like that's too soon. But I'm greatful for all the time she gave me.
What I really want to do is go back to school. I took the semester off and I miss it. But I don't want to work full time anymore. Not til I get a degree or certificate or something. It's the perfect time to go back to school b/c I don't have many responsibilities, hardly any bills. I should be jumping at the chance but I'm afraid to leave my job. Sad. But it's safe, ya know? I've been there over 3 years. I can do it in my sleep. But that's part of what I'm struggling with as well. I'm just not challenged there. Just like in school when I didn't feel like I was challenged so I didn't work as hard. I want to produce something. My boyfriend's starting a candle business and I told him I'd make the candles if he sells them. I enjoy making things. I've really missed out on that for awhile now b/c when I work it just sucks the life out of me and drains all my creativity. It sucks b/c I get inspired at work when I don't have any of my craft stuff with me, and by the time I get home all I want to do is eat and go to bed. I need a change but there's so much change going on around me that I need the stability of it... Tough situation but I suppose when the time is right I'll leave my job. In the mean time I'll just take it one day at a time.