argh?>!@
I get myself all worked up thinking I want to move to California. I apply for jobs! I phone interview... and now I go to Davis this weekend (after I go to Bend) and do an in-person interview on Monday.
and now... I am in a panic.
Do I really want to move? I have a good job, I get paid reasonably well, I like my co-workers, I have a lot of freedom and flexibility. I am taking a big risk changing jobs! What if it is a sucky job? :( I hate the idea of abandoning my coworkers, I feel so guilty. I have special relationships with many of them, they have known me since I was 17. I am very comfortable with them and I enjoy helping them. I worry that the next person would not do a good job and make them unhappy. I feel like a traitor for even considering "defecting" to another job.
Do I really want to live WITH my family? I didn't get along with them very well when I lived with them when I was younger. I am 10 years older now and all but I have grown used to my freedom and lack of responsibility. If I moved I would lose all my freedom and would be constantly "on call" to do family things. It will be a lot less lonely than living here by myself in Oregon, but I dunno how long I can handle seeing them all every single day.
Then there are my grandparents who also live here in Oregon. They are very upset about me considering leaving too. I also feel terrible about this, I will be too far away to come and help them when they need me.
Sheesh, I thought I wanted to move away from here. Now I think I need to be sedated. I am a spaz and my life is ruled by a paralyzing fear of change and guilt.
and now... I am in a panic.
Do I really want to move? I have a good job, I get paid reasonably well, I like my co-workers, I have a lot of freedom and flexibility. I am taking a big risk changing jobs! What if it is a sucky job? :( I hate the idea of abandoning my coworkers, I feel so guilty. I have special relationships with many of them, they have known me since I was 17. I am very comfortable with them and I enjoy helping them. I worry that the next person would not do a good job and make them unhappy. I feel like a traitor for even considering "defecting" to another job.
Do I really want to live WITH my family? I didn't get along with them very well when I lived with them when I was younger. I am 10 years older now and all but I have grown used to my freedom and lack of responsibility. If I moved I would lose all my freedom and would be constantly "on call" to do family things. It will be a lot less lonely than living here by myself in Oregon, but I dunno how long I can handle seeing them all every single day.
Then there are my grandparents who also live here in Oregon. They are very upset about me considering leaving too. I also feel terrible about this, I will be too far away to come and help them when they need me.
Sheesh, I thought I wanted to move away from here. Now I think I need to be sedated. I am a spaz and my life is ruled by a paralyzing fear of change and guilt.