school is lame, why do I do this to myself.
warning: venting incoming.
So I went to take my midterm today... worth 30% of my grade in my CS class.
I felt like I studied pretty well. I felt prepared.
and I totally bombed it.
There were basically 3 sections, in each you are asked to solve a problem by writing a small program. Then you answer questions about that program. If you cannot write the program, then you won't be able to answer the questions about that program. So you better be damn sure you can figure out what to do to solve the problem.
The first section was a piece of cake. Me and iterative algorithms are good buddies, we've been working together for years. The second section was recursion, which is somewhat more complicated for me but generally we do okay... the particular question was very hard though and I struggled. Plus you are asked to write an inductive proof on your algorithm. Ahhh wtf, discrete math was sooooooo long ago for me. I know the general form for proving a recursive algorithm true, I hope that was enough.
So here I am, after the exam, just feeling terrible. I want to quit. I don't want to do it anymore. I am such a baby about this stuff. The moment anything is hard for me and I do poorly, I want to give up. In the special few people this type of adversity inspires them to work harder and drives them to succeed. I want to be one of those people...not another Joe Average, "this is too hard, let's go watch TV"
I keep telling myself that I should not be obsessing over the grade in this class. I have learned (or re-learned) things that I have implemented in my work already to make it better. I am doing this so I will be better at my job(which I am already good at, but I can always do things better). I am not forced to get a specific grade to keep my internships and scholarships like I was when I was a young undergrad. So why does this stress me out so much?
I've been feeling pretty discouraged the last few weeks about school this term. It is even more sad after blazing through last term with top marks. I don't know if I really want to deal with constantly feeling stupid and struggling through this material, again. These are exactly the same feelings I had about this when I started work on this degree. I just don't think it will get any better in future terms. I know I am smart enough to learn this stuff, but I don't know that I really desire it enough to do what it will take for me to get it at this point.
I have been considering abandoning trying to finish this BS and moving on to do some graduate work in the field I have my other degree in. I have a few ideas about a thesis I have been thinking about for the last year. I wanted to make them work on a interdisciplinary masters but I don't know. Part of this comes from taking another look at the degree requirements recently and realizing that there is much more work here than I anticipated. Part of this comes from my desire to relocate soon to be closer to my friends or family.
Ah well, enough venting. I feel better.. perhaps a more correct mood icon for my current mood.. is resigned.
So I went to take my midterm today... worth 30% of my grade in my CS class.
I felt like I studied pretty well. I felt prepared.
and I totally bombed it.
There were basically 3 sections, in each you are asked to solve a problem by writing a small program. Then you answer questions about that program. If you cannot write the program, then you won't be able to answer the questions about that program. So you better be damn sure you can figure out what to do to solve the problem.
The first section was a piece of cake. Me and iterative algorithms are good buddies, we've been working together for years. The second section was recursion, which is somewhat more complicated for me but generally we do okay... the particular question was very hard though and I struggled. Plus you are asked to write an inductive proof on your algorithm. Ahhh wtf, discrete math was sooooooo long ago for me. I know the general form for proving a recursive algorithm true, I hope that was enough.
So here I am, after the exam, just feeling terrible. I want to quit. I don't want to do it anymore. I am such a baby about this stuff. The moment anything is hard for me and I do poorly, I want to give up. In the special few people this type of adversity inspires them to work harder and drives them to succeed. I want to be one of those people...not another Joe Average, "this is too hard, let's go watch TV"
I keep telling myself that I should not be obsessing over the grade in this class. I have learned (or re-learned) things that I have implemented in my work already to make it better. I am doing this so I will be better at my job(which I am already good at, but I can always do things better). I am not forced to get a specific grade to keep my internships and scholarships like I was when I was a young undergrad. So why does this stress me out so much?
I've been feeling pretty discouraged the last few weeks about school this term. It is even more sad after blazing through last term with top marks. I don't know if I really want to deal with constantly feeling stupid and struggling through this material, again. These are exactly the same feelings I had about this when I started work on this degree. I just don't think it will get any better in future terms. I know I am smart enough to learn this stuff, but I don't know that I really desire it enough to do what it will take for me to get it at this point.
I have been considering abandoning trying to finish this BS and moving on to do some graduate work in the field I have my other degree in. I have a few ideas about a thesis I have been thinking about for the last year. I wanted to make them work on a interdisciplinary masters but I don't know. Part of this comes from taking another look at the degree requirements recently and realizing that there is much more work here than I anticipated. Part of this comes from my desire to relocate soon to be closer to my friends or family.
Ah well, enough venting. I feel better.. perhaps a more correct mood icon for my current mood.. is resigned.