Hmmmmm....
.... I'm thinking about stuff.
Been noticing lately that there's been a lot less posting in LJ. Where before there were daily posts from a fairly large number of my flist... now it seems that those numbers have decreased significantly. I suppose it's to be expected. New fandoms arise. People move on... or choose to spend a lot less time on-line. Makes sense.
I've been thinking about it quite a bit lately, due in no small part to a post in which the wonderful and always thought provoking semyaza wondered: Do you ever feel that you're frittering away your life on LJ? I think the comments to that post reflected a mixed bag of responses. Many people DID feel that the time spent here on LJ was less than useful, while others (like me) felt that LJ was a rich and important part of their lives. The question was fascinating none the less, and even more fascinating was the fact that I've thought about that post and the comments it engendered fairly frequently since then.
As part of that discussion semyaza posted a link to this article on introversion. I found it fascinating. I am an introvert at times. (Please note the 'at times'.) I don't think I was born that way. It was something I had to learn almost as a defensive mechanism. I was NEVER good at relationships. Never. Show me a guy with an aura made of shining gold and I'd walk right past him so I could drool over the abusive SOB who was guaranteed to make my life miserable. It took me a long time to figure it out. I'm lousy at relationships... or at least I was. I became overly dependent. CO-dependent really. It took me forever to learn not to base my sense of self on what other people thought of me or how they treated me. It took me forever to learn how to be alone. To learn to enjoy being alone. To learn that you have a choice about how you experience life. That you have a choice about how you react to life. That not everything has to be a drama. And I also had to learn that people are not always what they appear to be.
I learned these lessons through interactions with people, many of whom are still part of my life. Some of them are people I met on LJ, some are not. But the lessons were equally valuable no matter who happened to be the teacher. I've experienced heartbreak and betrayal in equal measure both from people who I met on-line and from those who have never logged onto a computer. Honestly... I see no difference. I don't see RL as in any way separate from on-line life. I know that the pain I've felt from these betrayals was certainly no less severe because the person dealing it out was an on-line friend as opposed to any other area of life.
It happens with family. It happens with everyone. People leave. People move on. People outgrow you or you outgrow them. And, I guess, the fact that there doesn't seem to be as much activity on LJ lately is part of that whole experience. It's part of the ebb and flow of life. Not on-line life or R-life. Just... life. It's all learning. And I suppose it's also all teaching.
I'm much better at relationships now that I don't get as involved with them. I'm much better at being with others now that I've learned how to be a bit of an introvert at times. Does that make the slightest bit of sense? Probably not.
I guess it all boils down to the fact that I have to be here for me. I have to be here so that this place and these people... as well as the places and people I interact with off-line... can teach me and learn from me. I have to be here to develop my own creativity and my own sense of self. I don't mean that to sound selfish. Just self-aware.
I'm glad all of you are on this journey with me. I'm even glad for the folks who are no longer part of my journey... no matter why we parted company. We were together for a good reason.... and I'm sure we parted for a good reason.
As my friend zenslash is fond of saying: It's all good!
Been noticing lately that there's been a lot less posting in LJ. Where before there were daily posts from a fairly large number of my flist... now it seems that those numbers have decreased significantly. I suppose it's to be expected. New fandoms arise. People move on... or choose to spend a lot less time on-line. Makes sense.
I've been thinking about it quite a bit lately, due in no small part to a post in which the wonderful and always thought provoking semyaza wondered: Do you ever feel that you're frittering away your life on LJ? I think the comments to that post reflected a mixed bag of responses. Many people DID feel that the time spent here on LJ was less than useful, while others (like me) felt that LJ was a rich and important part of their lives. The question was fascinating none the less, and even more fascinating was the fact that I've thought about that post and the comments it engendered fairly frequently since then.
As part of that discussion semyaza posted a link to this article on introversion. I found it fascinating. I am an introvert at times. (Please note the 'at times'.) I don't think I was born that way. It was something I had to learn almost as a defensive mechanism. I was NEVER good at relationships. Never. Show me a guy with an aura made of shining gold and I'd walk right past him so I could drool over the abusive SOB who was guaranteed to make my life miserable. It took me a long time to figure it out. I'm lousy at relationships... or at least I was. I became overly dependent. CO-dependent really. It took me forever to learn not to base my sense of self on what other people thought of me or how they treated me. It took me forever to learn how to be alone. To learn to enjoy being alone. To learn that you have a choice about how you experience life. That you have a choice about how you react to life. That not everything has to be a drama. And I also had to learn that people are not always what they appear to be.
I learned these lessons through interactions with people, many of whom are still part of my life. Some of them are people I met on LJ, some are not. But the lessons were equally valuable no matter who happened to be the teacher. I've experienced heartbreak and betrayal in equal measure both from people who I met on-line and from those who have never logged onto a computer. Honestly... I see no difference. I don't see RL as in any way separate from on-line life. I know that the pain I've felt from these betrayals was certainly no less severe because the person dealing it out was an on-line friend as opposed to any other area of life.
It happens with family. It happens with everyone. People leave. People move on. People outgrow you or you outgrow them. And, I guess, the fact that there doesn't seem to be as much activity on LJ lately is part of that whole experience. It's part of the ebb and flow of life. Not on-line life or R-life. Just... life. It's all learning. And I suppose it's also all teaching.
I'm much better at relationships now that I don't get as involved with them. I'm much better at being with others now that I've learned how to be a bit of an introvert at times. Does that make the slightest bit of sense? Probably not.
I guess it all boils down to the fact that I have to be here for me. I have to be here so that this place and these people... as well as the places and people I interact with off-line... can teach me and learn from me. I have to be here to develop my own creativity and my own sense of self. I don't mean that to sound selfish. Just self-aware.
I'm glad all of you are on this journey with me. I'm even glad for the folks who are no longer part of my journey... no matter why we parted company. We were together for a good reason.... and I'm sure we parted for a good reason.
As my friend zenslash is fond of saying: It's all good!