What does it feel like to go blind?
Earlier this morning, I had no reason but to go to school at 7:30am, even though my first class was at 1pm. I just made up for it by sleeping in Matteo (gulping down a bottle of Coffee Boomba didn't help, sadly).
After two pseudo-naps I forced my groggy self awake--my workaholic mind wanted me to finish reading our Theo research before the M02 lunch--and rubbed my eyes to wake me up. Something was weird at that moment though. I expected my vision to become clearer, but only my left eye did. My right eye remained uncomfortably blurry, leading me to open Photobooth on my laptop and look at my right eye and try to "fix" it back; I guess I looked very very weird in a public place such as Matteo, but what the heck. (I thought) I was going blind! :|
At that time, I just really panicked and left all my things to go to the washroom and "fix" my eye some more: I washed it with water, squished my eyelids with my fingers (HAHA IDK what to do eh :|), and have a clearer look at it in the washroom mirror. My imaginative mind was expecting an eye covered with blood or even just having a weird discoloration somewhere, but there was nothing that looked wrong. "Perhaps it was an internal wound and BLEEDING INSIDE OMG", I thought to myself (I think my face looked a bit twisted when I thought that, to the horror of the other people in the washroom. HAHA). But really, I didn't know what to do, so I just acquiesced to my terrible fate and thought about what I would do if I were blind.
What if I were blind? Well, I'd go crazy first. Haha, kidding. But really, this is one of my BIGGEST fears, moreso than my fear of getting low grades. Honestly. There are three things I'm afraid of more than anything (I think?): (1) Losing my eyesight, (2) losing my ability to move my arms, and (3) losing my ability to think. Weird, right? Sure, it shows that I'm heavily dependent on specific bodily functions but my life would be radically different if I were to lose these than, say, my legs or nose or ears.
Anyway, I just really stared into the washroom mirror for a long time (risking looking crazy again in public, but who cares? =)) ), not knowing what to do, too shocked by my sudden "blindness" to even cry or react wildly. I just resigned to my condition, went back to my table in Matteo, and closed my eyes.
At that moment, I almost thought of praying to God. But before that, I thought of calling my mom first. And so I did. Surprisingly, my mom wasn't scandalized by my "OMG-I'm-going-blind-OMG" news and just calmly replied that this happened to her as well (to which I replied, quite loudly (and in public), "WEEEH?"). My eye just got... squished (for lack of a better/any good term =)) ) while I was sleeping. I just needed to rest it, or apply a cold compress on it.
For the rest of my stay in Matteo, I looked like a pseudo-pirate, with wet tissue covering my right eye. At least it got better though.
So what does it feel like to REALLY go blind? I wouldn't know. Thank God.