Here I am, and I stand so tall...just the way I'm supposed to be.
Why does my life have to be such a yo-yo? Why can't I keep one fucking boyfriend?!
Sean Jones. This is your post, buddy. I fully invested myself in our relationship. Nothing has made me happier than to be with you...and up until earlier today, that's exactly how I thought you felt too. I should always listen to my intuition...I knew something bad was coming for the past couple days and none of my friends believed me. They told me that it was fine, he was probably just busy and what not...but no, you were secretly at home contemplating whether or not to break up with me. Which in the end you decided to do.
I'm pretty sure I look like a pug due to the amount of tears flowing freely from my eyes these past few hours. I can't believe I hurt this much. We've been together for a meager month...but it's felt like forever. You completed my life; I felt like someone finally wanted me for me. I guess I was wrong...
Why did you have to seem so sincere in everything you said? I honest to God believe that you were most of the time being completely honest and true...but towards the end, I'm not so sure when you switched over to lying to yourself and me. You admitted today that you don't feel like you're being true to yourself by being with me. What exactly does that mean? When I ask you about this situation, you say that "You really are great." or "You deserve better." Bullllshit. I want you. You are exactly what I want and always have wanted. I thought we had started something really great...well, at least you had me convinced of that. I just wish you knew exactly how much I like you... I might even go far enough to say love. I think that I might have fallen into that trap. Love. God, this sucks.
Let's remember the good times though...
Getting your number on August 2nd after Marc's party...Brenden and David really helped me out. :)
Our first date-you wearing that cute striped shirt you lost in Yakima, cute dark Levi's, and black vans. Me in my hot pink Pink sweater, Hudson jeans, and strappy wedges. I know it sounds dumb, but I like remembering the little details like those. :) We hung out at the bowling alley while you played your last league game. You said I was your good luck charm because it was the best you bowled all season :) Then me giving you a ride home and hanging out at your place for a bit. I was sooo nervous because I thought you might try to get in my pants...haha, but when I asked you about it later you informed me that that wasn't your intention. How cute! That was also the night that I discovered your Lion tattoo on your left calf...so ugly and yet so funny :) Then when I was leaving we both awkwardly stood there because we didn't know if the other was gonna go in for a kiss...so awkwardly great!
How about the second time we hung out at Tim's place the night before Riley left for WSU? You were all so wasted, but I remember thinking that you looked so damn cute as soon as I pulled into the driveway. That was the first night you held my hand on the couch after deciding to watch Lucky Number Sleven...and it was also the night that we had our first kiss. I remember leaving after that and thinking, "Oh my god, that just happened!!!" I also thought it was possibly the cutest first kiss ever. I had to go tell Mackenzie at work all about it the next day because she was my counselor all those days before our first date. She was stoked for me...and I was stoked for what was to come.
We got really close really fast. I felt like I could be my true self in front of you...and you said that same thing to me at one point too. You listen to all the same music as me...(even if I went out and bought the Foster the People CD just to impress you), had the same views on a lot of aspects in life, and were just all around fucking cute.... and so I fell head over heels.
I told you from the beginning that I never wanted you to say something that you didn't mean. Especially when you said things like, "There's no other place I'd rather be right now than right here with you." Or "You're a beautiful person, both inside and out." Even the simple greetings you always had, "hey beautiful!" or "hey baby" with a big beautiful smile on your face. Those are the moments that I'm going to miss the most...not because you were complimenting me, but because I could tell that we were both genuinely happy at that point in time. I especially didn't want you to drop the "L Bomb" if you didn't mean it...but you did anyway. At one point we were laying in bed and you said, "Rhianna. Okay let's get serious now..." and then paused and instead of going on to what I think might have been the L Bomb, you asked how long we'd been dating...which at that time was 12 whole days. I think that that might have been that scared you off. You were willing to say something that strong that fast, and were just too scared to feel like that for anybody. Maybe I totally took that whole situation the wrong way though? I just don't know...and I don't feel like asking now that we've parted ways.
Then there were the many times you and I would just lay around and cuddle forever...so precious! God, you were so damn cute. How about when David and I stalked you and saw you fall on that bike?! That was one of the funniest things I've ever witnessed, and you tried to play it all cool with me later...but then you ended up finding out at my going away party that we stalked you. EMBARRASSING. Thanks, David.... The first time we had sex was funny...I had that blue/purple/black dress on and I was sooo scared it was gonna hurt like a bitch. Which is kind of did...but I went through with it. After that we fucked all the time haha...which was a good experience. Until of course we had that conversation about how it was getting boring because we only ever did missionary...that was upsetting. But then I guess it got better because we were throwing more and more positions in every time. The second to last time you complimented me on how much better I was getting at being on top...hahaha too funny. And you told me multiple times how amazing of an ass, boobs, and nipples I have. HILARIOUS. Good God. :) Made me feel weird, but also good at the same time.
Our last night together was great. It was league night, so Sydney and I went to hang out with you and Connor. We were all over each other...mostly because you were drunk...and I was horny. You bowled great that night too :) We then went to Applebees and chilled out...then that led to all of us chillin at your house watching Tangled. But before Sydney and Connor showed up, of course we had sex...and Connor saw your ass through the window haha...Then they came, we watched the movie, and had sex on the floor while they were on the futon...kinda thrilling? :) I had a good time for sure :)
You were the best thing that happened to me all summer...and the day I left for college you said that I made your summer SO much better. So why am I now no longer part of your life, and it has only been five days since you made that statement? I call bullshit on the fact that you think you're following your heart. I think you're following your head. You've got yourself convinced that this isn't going to work out, or that if it does, you're going to be the one that ends up hurt. Well, obviously I got the shit end of the stick. Fuckin ay! NOT FAIR. I just want to be happy with you. I was looking forward to spending the holidays together and growing closer over time...but unfortunately that doesn't look like it's in our future. I truly, honestly, wish it was.
Although I would never say this to you now, I love you. I don't care if you didn't mean it when you blurted it out that one day....because I do mean it. We could have been something good, I'm sure of it....but your fear of getting hurt and messing up is too great to see through the clouds and into what was going on. You can't cry to your best friend when talking about breaking up with me and not have strong feelings for me. That just isn't how life works, Sean. I just wish you could accept me into your heart.
Sean Jones. This is your post, buddy. I fully invested myself in our relationship. Nothing has made me happier than to be with you...and up until earlier today, that's exactly how I thought you felt too. I should always listen to my intuition...I knew something bad was coming for the past couple days and none of my friends believed me. They told me that it was fine, he was probably just busy and what not...but no, you were secretly at home contemplating whether or not to break up with me. Which in the end you decided to do.
I'm pretty sure I look like a pug due to the amount of tears flowing freely from my eyes these past few hours. I can't believe I hurt this much. We've been together for a meager month...but it's felt like forever. You completed my life; I felt like someone finally wanted me for me. I guess I was wrong...
Why did you have to seem so sincere in everything you said? I honest to God believe that you were most of the time being completely honest and true...but towards the end, I'm not so sure when you switched over to lying to yourself and me. You admitted today that you don't feel like you're being true to yourself by being with me. What exactly does that mean? When I ask you about this situation, you say that "You really are great." or "You deserve better." Bullllshit. I want you. You are exactly what I want and always have wanted. I thought we had started something really great...well, at least you had me convinced of that. I just wish you knew exactly how much I like you... I might even go far enough to say love. I think that I might have fallen into that trap. Love. God, this sucks.
Let's remember the good times though...
Getting your number on August 2nd after Marc's party...Brenden and David really helped me out. :)
Our first date-you wearing that cute striped shirt you lost in Yakima, cute dark Levi's, and black vans. Me in my hot pink Pink sweater, Hudson jeans, and strappy wedges. I know it sounds dumb, but I like remembering the little details like those. :) We hung out at the bowling alley while you played your last league game. You said I was your good luck charm because it was the best you bowled all season :) Then me giving you a ride home and hanging out at your place for a bit. I was sooo nervous because I thought you might try to get in my pants...haha, but when I asked you about it later you informed me that that wasn't your intention. How cute! That was also the night that I discovered your Lion tattoo on your left calf...so ugly and yet so funny :) Then when I was leaving we both awkwardly stood there because we didn't know if the other was gonna go in for a kiss...so awkwardly great!
How about the second time we hung out at Tim's place the night before Riley left for WSU? You were all so wasted, but I remember thinking that you looked so damn cute as soon as I pulled into the driveway. That was the first night you held my hand on the couch after deciding to watch Lucky Number Sleven...and it was also the night that we had our first kiss. I remember leaving after that and thinking, "Oh my god, that just happened!!!" I also thought it was possibly the cutest first kiss ever. I had to go tell Mackenzie at work all about it the next day because she was my counselor all those days before our first date. She was stoked for me...and I was stoked for what was to come.
We got really close really fast. I felt like I could be my true self in front of you...and you said that same thing to me at one point too. You listen to all the same music as me...(even if I went out and bought the Foster the People CD just to impress you), had the same views on a lot of aspects in life, and were just all around fucking cute.... and so I fell head over heels.
I told you from the beginning that I never wanted you to say something that you didn't mean. Especially when you said things like, "There's no other place I'd rather be right now than right here with you." Or "You're a beautiful person, both inside and out." Even the simple greetings you always had, "hey beautiful!" or "hey baby" with a big beautiful smile on your face. Those are the moments that I'm going to miss the most...not because you were complimenting me, but because I could tell that we were both genuinely happy at that point in time. I especially didn't want you to drop the "L Bomb" if you didn't mean it...but you did anyway. At one point we were laying in bed and you said, "Rhianna. Okay let's get serious now..." and then paused and instead of going on to what I think might have been the L Bomb, you asked how long we'd been dating...which at that time was 12 whole days. I think that that might have been that scared you off. You were willing to say something that strong that fast, and were just too scared to feel like that for anybody. Maybe I totally took that whole situation the wrong way though? I just don't know...and I don't feel like asking now that we've parted ways.
Then there were the many times you and I would just lay around and cuddle forever...so precious! God, you were so damn cute. How about when David and I stalked you and saw you fall on that bike?! That was one of the funniest things I've ever witnessed, and you tried to play it all cool with me later...but then you ended up finding out at my going away party that we stalked you. EMBARRASSING. Thanks, David.... The first time we had sex was funny...I had that blue/purple/black dress on and I was sooo scared it was gonna hurt like a bitch. Which is kind of did...but I went through with it. After that we fucked all the time haha...which was a good experience. Until of course we had that conversation about how it was getting boring because we only ever did missionary...that was upsetting. But then I guess it got better because we were throwing more and more positions in every time. The second to last time you complimented me on how much better I was getting at being on top...hahaha too funny. And you told me multiple times how amazing of an ass, boobs, and nipples I have. HILARIOUS. Good God. :) Made me feel weird, but also good at the same time.
Our last night together was great. It was league night, so Sydney and I went to hang out with you and Connor. We were all over each other...mostly because you were drunk...and I was horny. You bowled great that night too :) We then went to Applebees and chilled out...then that led to all of us chillin at your house watching Tangled. But before Sydney and Connor showed up, of course we had sex...and Connor saw your ass through the window haha...Then they came, we watched the movie, and had sex on the floor while they were on the futon...kinda thrilling? :) I had a good time for sure :)
You were the best thing that happened to me all summer...and the day I left for college you said that I made your summer SO much better. So why am I now no longer part of your life, and it has only been five days since you made that statement? I call bullshit on the fact that you think you're following your heart. I think you're following your head. You've got yourself convinced that this isn't going to work out, or that if it does, you're going to be the one that ends up hurt. Well, obviously I got the shit end of the stick. Fuckin ay! NOT FAIR. I just want to be happy with you. I was looking forward to spending the holidays together and growing closer over time...but unfortunately that doesn't look like it's in our future. I truly, honestly, wish it was.
Although I would never say this to you now, I love you. I don't care if you didn't mean it when you blurted it out that one day....because I do mean it. We could have been something good, I'm sure of it....but your fear of getting hurt and messing up is too great to see through the clouds and into what was going on. You can't cry to your best friend when talking about breaking up with me and not have strong feelings for me. That just isn't how life works, Sean. I just wish you could accept me into your heart.