Venting just a tad...
So let's just start from the beginning. I've liked this boy Shaun for a good...4 years now. It all began in 7th grade when I spotted him at one of the Nisqually ACT dances....what a great time, too bad I didn't know how many times my feelings would be hurt because of his unknowing statements. I think that over time, I've grown to love him. I don't mean to say that I'm IN love with him because I don't think I've quite gotten to that level with anybody before. We tell each other "I love you" every time we say goodbye, whether it's on the computer or on the phone. Oh, I forgot to mention that he lives in Alaska while my sorry ass lives in Washington. He used to live here once, obviously, and plans on moving back when he graduates...this summer. This information originally made me feel better because I knew that we would hang out a bunch, but now that Sarah Lizee is back in his life, I'm not so sure. See, Shaun and Sarah have had a "thing" for what seems like forever. He's even told me that he thinks he is/was in love with her....which made me ball my eyes out because I'm a pussy bitch like that. They dated about 6 months ago, long distance, but it didn't end up working out because for some reason Shaun claims to have turned into an asshole and didn't really know what to do about the situation. He's thought that she hated him up until about 1 week ago, when he randomly texted her after apologizing to her best friend. She, of course, replied and said that she didn't hate him. Damn. That's not what I was hoping for. But now back to Shaun and I...
So Shaun and I used to talk CONSTANTLY. We hardly do anymore...I'd say, maybe once or twice a week. He gets really flirty sometimes and I'm all about it.....we've even sent each other cute little underwear pictures, only because at that time I had refused to send nudes. Oh, how the times have changed haha. Anyways, I love talking to him. He's one of the only people that I can be myself around completely, and I love almost every little aspect about him. He wears cute clothes, listens to great music, and isn't an asshole. What more could a girl ask for?
Well, I guess the real reason why I wanted to write this was because I wanted to vent about how unlucky I feel. I feel like every time I want a guy, it just doesn't work out. I've wanted Shaun for years now, and I'm starting to think that he's figured that out too. He's been giving subtle hints about knowing the truth...but I think he just wants me to say it out loud and in the open. But that would be super embarrassing, right? I think it would. I'm seriously debating whether to tell him the truth and risk losing our awesome friendship, or just holding back a little while longer and see where it goes. Everyone is telling me different things, but my gut is telling me to wait, so I think I'm going to. I just want him to like me as much as I like him. I just want him to realize that I'm the one who understands everything he says, and would do as much as I possibly could to make him happy. Why can't I just be happy for once and be with someone? I've been lonely and depressed for what seems like forever, and I'm just waiting, waiting, waiting. Well, I'm tired of it. I want to finally be happy. Is that too much to ask for?
Is it really humanly possible for one person to have such horrible luck?
The answer is, yes.
So Shaun and I used to talk CONSTANTLY. We hardly do anymore...I'd say, maybe once or twice a week. He gets really flirty sometimes and I'm all about it.....we've even sent each other cute little underwear pictures, only because at that time I had refused to send nudes. Oh, how the times have changed haha. Anyways, I love talking to him. He's one of the only people that I can be myself around completely, and I love almost every little aspect about him. He wears cute clothes, listens to great music, and isn't an asshole. What more could a girl ask for?
Well, I guess the real reason why I wanted to write this was because I wanted to vent about how unlucky I feel. I feel like every time I want a guy, it just doesn't work out. I've wanted Shaun for years now, and I'm starting to think that he's figured that out too. He's been giving subtle hints about knowing the truth...but I think he just wants me to say it out loud and in the open. But that would be super embarrassing, right? I think it would. I'm seriously debating whether to tell him the truth and risk losing our awesome friendship, or just holding back a little while longer and see where it goes. Everyone is telling me different things, but my gut is telling me to wait, so I think I'm going to. I just want him to like me as much as I like him. I just want him to realize that I'm the one who understands everything he says, and would do as much as I possibly could to make him happy. Why can't I just be happy for once and be with someone? I've been lonely and depressed for what seems like forever, and I'm just waiting, waiting, waiting. Well, I'm tired of it. I want to finally be happy. Is that too much to ask for?
Is it really humanly possible for one person to have such horrible luck?
The answer is, yes.