Sorry this is long, but I kind of wanted some advice...
My brother and I used to be close. We are the adopted kids(different moms). He is 11 years older than me. He is the closet to my age out of all my brothers and sisters(I have 7 more). He met my wonderful sister-in-law when I was 8 and they had my wonderful niece by the time i was 13.
Things went downhill after she was born. Paychecks started to come up missing, electronics and valuables disappeared, even some of the money in my niece's piggy bank was gone. I gave up most of my free time to watch my niece while my sister-in-law worked a 2nd job. He started becoming less of a "superman" and more of a super asshole. I resented him more and more as I got older. By the time I was 17, I was getting calls at 1am from Tracy(sister-in-law) to borrow my mom's car to pick her up to go find her car in front of whatever crackhouse my brother had left it so she could get to work in the morning. At that point when he knew he would get caught, he would check himself into rehab and say that he wanted to kill himself. After 2 years, it was just another promise he couldn't keep.
I was so tired of the lying and pain he had caused that I just gave up on him completely. He suppposedly rehabed and ended up moving in with the first whore he found in a bar. He left my niece here in whitman and moved to Natick with that woman and her kids. Rarely saw her my niece, rarely paid child support.
So after 5 years of being a deadbeat dad, shitty brother, and shitty son(he hasn't called my mom or seen her since before her heart attack, not to mention that he often came to the house high to get more money from her) he decides that he is a different man. I'm no fool. I talk to Tracy at least twice a week and I know that he rarely speaks to my niece and let's his whore of a girlfriend treat her like shit when she visits. He still isn't paying child support either, although he is getting served again for not paying.
So, he calls a couple of weeks ago and tells me that he is going to take my niece out for lunch and would like me to join him. I decline politely. He asks why. I tell him that I just don't feel like going with him. At that point I thought to myself that it was kind of sneaky to try to get me to hang out with him through my niece. He tells me that he is simply offering an olive branch and that since we are both so stubborn that he thought he should offer it. I tell him that I don't want to go with him. He starts to get aggitated and asks me what he's supposed to do. He tells me that he is a changed man and that I won't see that unless I start talking to him. Not wanting to get into the argument, I leave out the information Tracy and Ashlee(niece) tell me about how he still never sees her, still doesn't help pay child support, and still lets his girlfriend treat Ashlee like shit. I just simply tell him that I am not ready to have a relationship with him. He brings up the past and how we were so close. I leave out the information that repressed memories tell me otherwise. I only tell him to do what he must have learned in his short time in AA. It's what I have not only learned in Alateen and Alanon, but it's what I learned in real life. I told him to just let it go and hope for the best someday. He was appalled that I would tell him that he had to let go and live his life. His direct words were, "No little sis, you don't let go and hope for the best in the real world. You are living in a fantasy."
At that point I got angry and retorted with, "Well what do people in the real world do John? Do they just badger the other person until he/she hates him completely. Because that is what you're doing to me." He calls it working things out. I hung up on him.
I guess I am telling you all this because I want to know what people in the "real world" really do. I find it pointless to keep trying to reach a person that doesn't want to be reached. I just let it go and live my life. I don't see any use on dwelling on those kinds of things. What do you think?
P.S. He never took my niece out either. He skipped out on this weekend because of the Superbowl.
Things went downhill after she was born. Paychecks started to come up missing, electronics and valuables disappeared, even some of the money in my niece's piggy bank was gone. I gave up most of my free time to watch my niece while my sister-in-law worked a 2nd job. He started becoming less of a "superman" and more of a super asshole. I resented him more and more as I got older. By the time I was 17, I was getting calls at 1am from Tracy(sister-in-law) to borrow my mom's car to pick her up to go find her car in front of whatever crackhouse my brother had left it so she could get to work in the morning. At that point when he knew he would get caught, he would check himself into rehab and say that he wanted to kill himself. After 2 years, it was just another promise he couldn't keep.
I was so tired of the lying and pain he had caused that I just gave up on him completely. He suppposedly rehabed and ended up moving in with the first whore he found in a bar. He left my niece here in whitman and moved to Natick with that woman and her kids. Rarely saw her my niece, rarely paid child support.
So after 5 years of being a deadbeat dad, shitty brother, and shitty son(he hasn't called my mom or seen her since before her heart attack, not to mention that he often came to the house high to get more money from her) he decides that he is a different man. I'm no fool. I talk to Tracy at least twice a week and I know that he rarely speaks to my niece and let's his whore of a girlfriend treat her like shit when she visits. He still isn't paying child support either, although he is getting served again for not paying.
So, he calls a couple of weeks ago and tells me that he is going to take my niece out for lunch and would like me to join him. I decline politely. He asks why. I tell him that I just don't feel like going with him. At that point I thought to myself that it was kind of sneaky to try to get me to hang out with him through my niece. He tells me that he is simply offering an olive branch and that since we are both so stubborn that he thought he should offer it. I tell him that I don't want to go with him. He starts to get aggitated and asks me what he's supposed to do. He tells me that he is a changed man and that I won't see that unless I start talking to him. Not wanting to get into the argument, I leave out the information Tracy and Ashlee(niece) tell me about how he still never sees her, still doesn't help pay child support, and still lets his girlfriend treat Ashlee like shit. I just simply tell him that I am not ready to have a relationship with him. He brings up the past and how we were so close. I leave out the information that repressed memories tell me otherwise. I only tell him to do what he must have learned in his short time in AA. It's what I have not only learned in Alateen and Alanon, but it's what I learned in real life. I told him to just let it go and hope for the best someday. He was appalled that I would tell him that he had to let go and live his life. His direct words were, "No little sis, you don't let go and hope for the best in the real world. You are living in a fantasy."
At that point I got angry and retorted with, "Well what do people in the real world do John? Do they just badger the other person until he/she hates him completely. Because that is what you're doing to me." He calls it working things out. I hung up on him.
I guess I am telling you all this because I want to know what people in the "real world" really do. I find it pointless to keep trying to reach a person that doesn't want to be reached. I just let it go and live my life. I don't see any use on dwelling on those kinds of things. What do you think?
P.S. He never took my niece out either. He skipped out on this weekend because of the Superbowl.