nancy and sid;
All I Have To Say For Myself by Mindy Nettifee
The last time you came to see me
there were anchors in your eyes,
hardback books in your posture.
You were the five star general of sureness,
a crisp white tuxedo of a man.
I was fiddling with my worn coat pockets,
puffing false confidence ghosts in the cold January air.
My hands were shitty champagne flutes
brimming with cheap merlot.
I couldn’t touch you without ruining you,
so I didn’t touch you at all.
It's when you’re on the brink of something
that you lose your balance.
You told me that once.
When I can’t bring myself to say what I need to,
my heart plays Russian Roulette with my throat.
I swear I fired that night, but, nothing.
Someday, I’ll show you the bullet I had for you,
after time has done the wash.
I’ll take it out of the jar of missed opportunities.
We’ll hold it up to the light.
You’ll roll it around your mouth like a fallen tooth.
You won’t forgive me exactly,
but we’ll laugh about how small it is.
We’ll wonder how such a little thing
could ever have meant so much.
-
"We are all born on a straight line, as we grow older and experience love and adventure, this straight line begins to curve up. When life hits you with one of its many problems, the straight line begins to curve down. When we have experienced our fair share of both directions, we automatically assume there is nothing higher than our most remarkable memory, and nothing lower than our deepest fear. Yet I have realized that this beautiful and mysterious traveling line has absolutely no time, boundaries, or limitations; it will travel as high or low as you allow it to." ~ Anonymous