brace yourselves, long update.
Okae, so crazy turn of events. There are so many thoughts running through my mind right now, I can hardly think straight. There is so much that I want, need to write about. Where to start, where to start? ::sigh:: Okae, let me start by recapping this past quarter, winter quarter 2006 (aka hell quarter).
So this quarter was definitely one of the worst quarters I’ve been through thus far. I ended fall quarter with my head held high. Even though it was pretty scary for me, since I am still on contract and a lot was weighing on that quarter, I made it out alive and surprisingly, did pretty well. So much happened to me during the fall that really opened my eyes and got me to stop and think about where I was heading with my bio. major. I thought I had it all worked out over the Christmas break. I finally got the courage to talk to my mom about being on contract and what that meant with my bio career. I bought a new pair of glasses that I’ve longed for since I graduated. I got to drive on the freeway for the first time, and I got to drive…AT NIGHT! Haha Yes, just a few stupid, but still meaningful achievements (at least in my eyes). I decided to stick it out being a bio major and seeing where the next quarter would take me. I planned a heavy load, 18 units. It was more than I have ever taken yet. I was scared out of my mind just thinking about it, but somehow, I managed to convince myself that it was doable and that I’d survive. Looking back, I have NO IDEA what the hell I was thinking. It was my first time taking o-chem and calculus and I decided to take on 18 units! What was I thinking?!? Hehe Well, needless to say, during the first three weeks of school, I felt like I had NO time to breathe. I was constantly running around campus, class after class. I felt like I only had time to go to class and do my lab write ups. There was no time to just study. Doing hw was one thing, but studying, there just wasn’t any time left after classes. It was absolutely horrible. I dreaded each day. Once my classes started, I was on campus till way late at night. I felt so exhausted by the end of each week, and I barely had enough time during the weekend to catch up with work that was due.
I hardly saw my roommates. I was only at the apartment to catch a quick dinner and sleep. Eventually, I had a break down. I was so stressed out. My workload was more than I had ever expected. I soon gave in and decided that the right thing to do was to drop a class. It had to be done; there was no way that I could survive 7 more weeks of this. So, I dropped my math class, but I was so behind in my classes already that it was just impossible to catch up with studying, at least to the extend that I wanted to be. I mean, I made all my deadlines with papers, labs and such, it was just that I didn’t have as much time to prepare for exams as I would have liked.
Okae, so academically, this quarter royally kicked my butt. Thank God my cousin, Christina was there to save me from insanity. She just transferred winter quarter and I’m so happy she did. I had forgotten how much fun we have when we’re together. LOL It’s freakin’ awesome. We have so many inside jokes, it’s ridiculous. Anyhoo, so enough about my complaining about how much my classes sucked this quarter. Hehe What was going on besides school?
Besides spending time bonding with my cousin, there was this certain someone…..but I’d rather not go into detail here. Hehe You’ll just have to ask me about that in person, won’t you? So yea, a lot of stuff happened with that. Roller coaster of emotions, doesn’t that sound familiar? Yes, many familiar feelings came rushing back to me. Another event that opened my eyes, well, more like slapped me in the face, to make me realize how much I’m just not ready for something like that. =/ Which brings me to another thing, there is just a whole lot of familial matters that need to be dealt with and a lot that needs to change within myself. >.< Yea, it’s not a bad thing. It’s all a learning experience. I’m learning more about myself and what I really want.
With the help of my friends and endless girl talks, I managed to drown myself with schoolwork and prep for finals week. Beating my brains out for what it seemed like an eternity, I survived my hell quarter as I took my last final on Friday. It was more like, I can’t believe I didn’t cry during that exam, as I blanked out on every other problem. Keep in mind my last final was o-chem. The one class I dreaded the most. I was doing poorly throughout the quarter, though I studied like mad. I know it’s “study smart, not study hard.” I changed my study habits around and such, but I don’t think that’s the problem. It’s more like me just freakin’ out during tests. I need to have more confidence in myself when it comes to these things. ::sigh::
Although I couldn’t wait for this quarter to end, when it did, there wasn’t this feeling of enjoyment that I anticipated. When I walked out of that lecture hall, I felt so awful. I felt like a complete failure. My whole bio career rests on how well I do with o-chem this quarter, and it just depressed me when I thought about how not-so-well I was doing in that class. I had planned to spend the whole day cleaning out my room and the apartment and celebrate the end of the quarter by watching movies. I ended up being a bum. I was too sad to clean, or do anything really, for that matter. All my roommates had left already and most of my friends had left too. I desperately wanted to go on AIM, but I gave it up for Lent. So, I took LONG nap, and when I woke up, I finally got myself to clean a little. In the end, my friends Colleen and Elinor came over to watch movies, which was fun. Yet, I wasn’t as happy as I should have been. I just couldn’t stop thinking about how much I sucked during that ochem test. When I woke up the next day, the first thought that came to mind was realizing the correct answers for 3 questions I blanked out on during the test. AHHHH I was so upset. But, there was nothing that I could do, but pray that by some miracle I did alright.
Spring break. I’ve been looking forward to coming home and seeing old friends, but then I realized, since my brother had his break a week earlier that mine, I wasn’t going to have the car after all. Dang…stuck at home, bummer… I’ve been occupying my time by playing with my new puppies. They are so BIG now!!! =D OH, and my grandma and I finally got to start that puzzle I bought her for her b-day. Hehe Yea, I know, I’m a dork. Everyday, I check my e-mail, dreading to see the notice that grades are up. I’ve been pretty much set on the idea that I failed o-chem. =( I’m already disappointed with bio. just cause I thought I did really well on the final. It was all too much for me. I got sick of thinking about school. I still had to talk to my mom about the high possibility of switching majors. The idea terrified the crap out of me. I’ve talked to her about it before, but I don’t think she understood what it meant by me being on contract.
Eventually, I gathered up the courage to bring up the topic. Surprisingly, she took it really well. She asked me what major was thinking of switching into. I didn’t have the heart to tell her psych. I know she’d flip out of me. She’s just so closed-minded sometimes. Anyhoo, though she took the news pretty well, she still gave me the lecture about how she did so well in college and how she passed ALL her chemistry classes. She even brought up how I MADE A MISTAKE by going to a quarter system/UC. Thanks, Mom, for that encouragement.
Yea, it wasn’t the best conversation, but at least it didn’t end up with us yelling to each other and me crying my eyes out. It was so relieving to know that she was okay that I might not be a bio major anymore. If she was going to object to the idea, it wouldn’t affect my decision to switch. I’m so sick and tired of asking her for permission for things. It’s so frustrating. I feel so caged in sometimes. I know she’s just doing it cause she cares, but it’s like when are you going to let me grow up? =/
After all that, I got my grade back from ochem, for the final exam anyway. Of course, I didn’t want to see it. I knew it would just ruin the rest of my break, but I had to find out. To my amazement, I managed to get a B- on the final. OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! x a million. Hehehe I have no idea what this means for my final grade, however. But still, a B-?????? OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Of course, this shifts everything yet again. After my talk with my mom, switching majors didn’t see so scary anymore. I am willing to take the risk and try it, but now with ochem….though I don’t know my final grade, there is still a possibility that I could stay a bio major. (Which is what I want, yet, switching majors seems appealing too.) It should be a lot less stressful, that’s for sure. So I’m back to square one again. ::sigh:: I really don’t know what to do.
I’ve always been the type of person that refuses to give up. I like pushing myself; I like stressing out. I know it’s crazy, but a certain level of stress keeps me sane and on track. If I switch, I feel like I’m cheating myself. Though, I know it’s not that case at all. It just seems like, I’m taking the easy way out. I want to finish what I started, but maybe God is telling me that this is where I should go. Maybe it IS better off for me if I switch. =|
::Sigh:: SO much stuff to think about with school. I hope it’ll resolve itself in due time.
I hope I can post pictures up, but not any time soon. Sorry!!
So this quarter was definitely one of the worst quarters I’ve been through thus far. I ended fall quarter with my head held high. Even though it was pretty scary for me, since I am still on contract and a lot was weighing on that quarter, I made it out alive and surprisingly, did pretty well. So much happened to me during the fall that really opened my eyes and got me to stop and think about where I was heading with my bio. major. I thought I had it all worked out over the Christmas break. I finally got the courage to talk to my mom about being on contract and what that meant with my bio career. I bought a new pair of glasses that I’ve longed for since I graduated. I got to drive on the freeway for the first time, and I got to drive…AT NIGHT! Haha Yes, just a few stupid, but still meaningful achievements (at least in my eyes). I decided to stick it out being a bio major and seeing where the next quarter would take me. I planned a heavy load, 18 units. It was more than I have ever taken yet. I was scared out of my mind just thinking about it, but somehow, I managed to convince myself that it was doable and that I’d survive. Looking back, I have NO IDEA what the hell I was thinking. It was my first time taking o-chem and calculus and I decided to take on 18 units! What was I thinking?!? Hehe Well, needless to say, during the first three weeks of school, I felt like I had NO time to breathe. I was constantly running around campus, class after class. I felt like I only had time to go to class and do my lab write ups. There was no time to just study. Doing hw was one thing, but studying, there just wasn’t any time left after classes. It was absolutely horrible. I dreaded each day. Once my classes started, I was on campus till way late at night. I felt so exhausted by the end of each week, and I barely had enough time during the weekend to catch up with work that was due.
I hardly saw my roommates. I was only at the apartment to catch a quick dinner and sleep. Eventually, I had a break down. I was so stressed out. My workload was more than I had ever expected. I soon gave in and decided that the right thing to do was to drop a class. It had to be done; there was no way that I could survive 7 more weeks of this. So, I dropped my math class, but I was so behind in my classes already that it was just impossible to catch up with studying, at least to the extend that I wanted to be. I mean, I made all my deadlines with papers, labs and such, it was just that I didn’t have as much time to prepare for exams as I would have liked.
Okae, so academically, this quarter royally kicked my butt. Thank God my cousin, Christina was there to save me from insanity. She just transferred winter quarter and I’m so happy she did. I had forgotten how much fun we have when we’re together. LOL It’s freakin’ awesome. We have so many inside jokes, it’s ridiculous. Anyhoo, so enough about my complaining about how much my classes sucked this quarter. Hehe What was going on besides school?
Besides spending time bonding with my cousin, there was this certain someone…..but I’d rather not go into detail here. Hehe You’ll just have to ask me about that in person, won’t you? So yea, a lot of stuff happened with that. Roller coaster of emotions, doesn’t that sound familiar? Yes, many familiar feelings came rushing back to me. Another event that opened my eyes, well, more like slapped me in the face, to make me realize how much I’m just not ready for something like that. =/ Which brings me to another thing, there is just a whole lot of familial matters that need to be dealt with and a lot that needs to change within myself. >.< Yea, it’s not a bad thing. It’s all a learning experience. I’m learning more about myself and what I really want.
With the help of my friends and endless girl talks, I managed to drown myself with schoolwork and prep for finals week. Beating my brains out for what it seemed like an eternity, I survived my hell quarter as I took my last final on Friday. It was more like, I can’t believe I didn’t cry during that exam, as I blanked out on every other problem. Keep in mind my last final was o-chem. The one class I dreaded the most. I was doing poorly throughout the quarter, though I studied like mad. I know it’s “study smart, not study hard.” I changed my study habits around and such, but I don’t think that’s the problem. It’s more like me just freakin’ out during tests. I need to have more confidence in myself when it comes to these things. ::sigh::
Although I couldn’t wait for this quarter to end, when it did, there wasn’t this feeling of enjoyment that I anticipated. When I walked out of that lecture hall, I felt so awful. I felt like a complete failure. My whole bio career rests on how well I do with o-chem this quarter, and it just depressed me when I thought about how not-so-well I was doing in that class. I had planned to spend the whole day cleaning out my room and the apartment and celebrate the end of the quarter by watching movies. I ended up being a bum. I was too sad to clean, or do anything really, for that matter. All my roommates had left already and most of my friends had left too. I desperately wanted to go on AIM, but I gave it up for Lent. So, I took LONG nap, and when I woke up, I finally got myself to clean a little. In the end, my friends Colleen and Elinor came over to watch movies, which was fun. Yet, I wasn’t as happy as I should have been. I just couldn’t stop thinking about how much I sucked during that ochem test. When I woke up the next day, the first thought that came to mind was realizing the correct answers for 3 questions I blanked out on during the test. AHHHH I was so upset. But, there was nothing that I could do, but pray that by some miracle I did alright.
Spring break. I’ve been looking forward to coming home and seeing old friends, but then I realized, since my brother had his break a week earlier that mine, I wasn’t going to have the car after all. Dang…stuck at home, bummer… I’ve been occupying my time by playing with my new puppies. They are so BIG now!!! =D OH, and my grandma and I finally got to start that puzzle I bought her for her b-day. Hehe Yea, I know, I’m a dork. Everyday, I check my e-mail, dreading to see the notice that grades are up. I’ve been pretty much set on the idea that I failed o-chem. =( I’m already disappointed with bio. just cause I thought I did really well on the final. It was all too much for me. I got sick of thinking about school. I still had to talk to my mom about the high possibility of switching majors. The idea terrified the crap out of me. I’ve talked to her about it before, but I don’t think she understood what it meant by me being on contract.
Eventually, I gathered up the courage to bring up the topic. Surprisingly, she took it really well. She asked me what major was thinking of switching into. I didn’t have the heart to tell her psych. I know she’d flip out of me. She’s just so closed-minded sometimes. Anyhoo, though she took the news pretty well, she still gave me the lecture about how she did so well in college and how she passed ALL her chemistry classes. She even brought up how I MADE A MISTAKE by going to a quarter system/UC. Thanks, Mom, for that encouragement.
Yea, it wasn’t the best conversation, but at least it didn’t end up with us yelling to each other and me crying my eyes out. It was so relieving to know that she was okay that I might not be a bio major anymore. If she was going to object to the idea, it wouldn’t affect my decision to switch. I’m so sick and tired of asking her for permission for things. It’s so frustrating. I feel so caged in sometimes. I know she’s just doing it cause she cares, but it’s like when are you going to let me grow up? =/
After all that, I got my grade back from ochem, for the final exam anyway. Of course, I didn’t want to see it. I knew it would just ruin the rest of my break, but I had to find out. To my amazement, I managed to get a B- on the final. OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! x a million. Hehehe I have no idea what this means for my final grade, however. But still, a B-?????? OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Of course, this shifts everything yet again. After my talk with my mom, switching majors didn’t see so scary anymore. I am willing to take the risk and try it, but now with ochem….though I don’t know my final grade, there is still a possibility that I could stay a bio major. (Which is what I want, yet, switching majors seems appealing too.) It should be a lot less stressful, that’s for sure. So I’m back to square one again. ::sigh:: I really don’t know what to do.
I’ve always been the type of person that refuses to give up. I like pushing myself; I like stressing out. I know it’s crazy, but a certain level of stress keeps me sane and on track. If I switch, I feel like I’m cheating myself. Though, I know it’s not that case at all. It just seems like, I’m taking the easy way out. I want to finish what I started, but maybe God is telling me that this is where I should go. Maybe it IS better off for me if I switch. =|
::Sigh:: SO much stuff to think about with school. I hope it’ll resolve itself in due time.
I hope I can post pictures up, but not any time soon. Sorry!!