Video

[raisedinabox]

[Video opens to Jim sitting at his desk, he looks well groomed and comfortable, and opens by shooting a cheerful smile out at you] Does anyone have any recommendations for self medicating insomnia? [He holds up two small capsules so you can see them.] I've been taking Melatonin, since I'm guessing the infirmary was concerned about proscribing me

Comments

[creatingalegacy]

I don't know what you mean by "28 years of conditioning."

[raisedinabox]

I mean fifteen years of not having a choice about something, and then thirteen years where I didn't have the will or the desire to change it. A few weeks ago, it changed without me being able to stop it, and without it... I can't sleep.

[creatingalegacy]

I didn't know you were younger than me. I assumed you were older because you seem like you're in a position of power and I naturally assume those kinds of people are older than me.

How did it change?

Private

[raisedinabox]

Normally someone in my position would have been older, I was just particularly aggressive and gifted. I always thought you were a little older than me, but only because I am constantly comparing you to my mom.

Eddie burned it.

Re: Private

[creatingalegacy]

How am I like your mom? And what did he burn?

Private

[raisedinabox]

You're not. In any way at all. I respect you.

He burned... a box. It's kind of a long, weird, private story.

Re: Private

[creatingalegacy]

Then why do you compare me to her?

I don't think you want for me to ask about the box, so I won't. I'm afraid you'd be angry with me if I knew and I thrive on the respect and approval of other people.

Re: Private

[raisedinabox]

She was a heroin addict. Among other things.

...

When I was a little boy, my biological mother left, and my father didn't know how to raise me. He owned a horse farm, and... with the young horses, he'd just leave them in the stable, throw food in at the beginning of the week, and rake the much out at the end of it.

So he raised me the same way.

If you tell anyone then I will be angry.

Re: Private

[creatingalegacy]

I was framed for heroin possession by a dirty cop and sent to prison. That's where I actually started using heroin, because a few of the other women there sexually assaulted me from time to time and I wanted to escape from the pain. I'm sorry your mother was an addict because I know how badly it can fuck up a person's life.

My mother abandoned me, too. My father beat me and locked me in the dark. So I understand, and I won't tell anyone.

[Unless they ask specifically before the flood is over, because as far as they know those are the laws of the universe. But since nobody will think to ask for any conceivable reason...his secret's safe with her. xD]

Not only because I don't want to lose your respect, but because I also respect you, even though admitting that I respect other people here makes me feel a little weak. I also feel more connected to you now that I know we share a few points of similarity in our lives.

Private

[raisedinabox]

I'll keep your secret as well.

[Pause]

This is... weird, but I'm glad that I told you this. If you ever need help with anything, you let me know, okay?

Re: Private

[creatingalegacy]

I'd like to say I would, but I probably won't, because I like to appear self-reliant despite my entire sense of self-worth riding on what others think of me. However, I do honestly appreciate the offer and it's not because of you that I most likely won't take you up on it. For now, anyway, as I probably will if we become closer and I began to trust you more.