Video

[raisedinabox]

[Video opens to Jim sitting at his desk, he looks well groomed and comfortable, and opens by shooting a cheerful smile out at you] Does anyone have any recommendations for self medicating insomnia? [He holds up two small capsules so you can see them.] I've been taking Melatonin, since I'm guessing the infirmary was concerned about proscribing me

Comments

private - commence wardenly scramble.

[iam_aghost]

Jim, you shouldn't self-medicate anything.

You've clearly already discussed this with a doctor, and, I presume, wanted to avoid discussing it with me. Which frustrates me quite a bit, and I'd like to know a lot more, but I can respect your decision not to discuss medical business with your own warden. So, instead, I will ask a more appropriate question.

I'd like to discuss why you're having difficulty sleeping. I'd also like to admit I'm a little embarrassed that I hadn't noticed.

private - scribble scrabble c:

[raisedinabox]

The reason I didn't tell you was because I thought your having my file would mean you'd have figured it out the moment I mentioned it.

Edward burned my box, and I know it's ridiculous for me to be this dependent on something that probably sounds completely insignificant to everyone else, but I am entitled to have things about me that are different to other people, and at least under my former living conditions, I was dependent to something I could control.

Re: private

[iam_aghost]

I could have guessed, yes, but I would have wanted to discuss it with you, hear your reasoning. Rather than just jump to any conclusions.

Why did he burn your box?

We're all dependent on certain things, Jim, and if they're not insignificant to you, then they're not to me. Even if I did contemplate taking the box away from you, but decided against it.

private

[raisedinabox]

I'm not entirely certain. I think partly he hasn't been happy with me sleeping there since he first found out, and partly he was just having a bad day and lashed out. He can be unpredictable.

I really don't want to talk about this though, I just want some tranquilizers or something.

Re: private

[iam_aghost]

How did you react when he first did it? Did he do it without asking you? You don't have to tolerate him lashing out at you.

Would you prefer those to having the box back? If it were possible.

private

[raisedinabox]

I tried to leave for a while, and no he didn't ask me or I would have stopped him, obviously. And I don't tolerate it, we dealt with it privately, that's all.

I don't know. I really, really want it back, but this had... illuminated just how dependent I am on it, and I'm not sure that I'm comfortable with that.

Re: private

[iam_aghost]

I had to make sure, and I don't like the idea of him assuming something like that would be good for you.

As I'm certainly thinking you are too dependent on the box. On quite a few things. But I'd rather you came to realise that and surrendered them, rather than them being forcibly taken.

If you do not want it back, I want you to explicitly say so, and we will look into other ways of helping you sleep if you like - but if you do want it back, I will get it.

private

[raisedinabox]

Stay away from him! We're fine!

I really really want it back, but what people want and what's best for them aren't the same thing. I don't want you making decisions for me either. Just give me something to help me sleep and I'll deal with this by myself.

Re: private

[iam_aghost]

I never said I would talk to him. I intended to, but if you don't want me to, I won't.

No, Jim. I want to help you. Both to sleep, but also come to a decision about the situation. You don't have to deal it with yourself - and shouldn't.

What does the box mean to you?

Re: private

[raisedinabox]

I don't want you to interfere at all.

I don't need your help, I want to be able to maintain my sanity without you.

It means family. It's home.

But it's also unrealistic, and an icon of something that doesn't exist here now.

Re: private

[iam_aghost]

Except I think it was an act of cruelty, no matter of his intent, and I'm not about to tolerate that from anyone towards you.

I know you do, but we have to talk about it.

Because of how you grew up. Do you not resent him for taking it away?

Just because something doesn't exist here doesn't mean you aren't attached to it still. I still love Carmen, no matter how far from her I am right now. I still value the things which connect me to her. Whilst I wasn't that dependent on her as you are on... what your box represents, it wasn't exactly healthy either.

private

[raisedinabox]

You wouldn't even know about it if it hadn't been forced out of me by a flood! You wouldn't even know about him if he hadn't been the one at my side after I was poisoned! You want to stick your fingers into my past and lay waste to it? Fine, but don't pretend you know anything about the dynamics of my relationships with Edward, or about his motives.

I don't resent him, because he wasn't trying to hurt me! In case you haven't picked up in this? My encyclopedic list of mental problems, might not be the easiest thing to navigate in a relationship, and he's not exactly an expert at this!

[La la la not talking about any of that other stuff.]

Re: private

[iam_aghost]

I'm not trying to stick my fingers in your past, or lay waste to anything, Jim. All I am saying is that if anyone else had burned that box - even if they did intend to help you - it would be cruel. That decision needs to be yours to control. I want your decisions to be respected. By anyone - Edward, myself, any other person on board.

It's not the easiest thing to navigate at the best of times, I know. But doing that, in the hope it would do more good than harm - is careless at best and cruel at worst.

It's not about sticking my hands into your business, Jim. It's that I don't agree with what he did.

...Why do you see it that way? I'd like to at least understand why, so I can be more cautious in the future.

private

[raisedinabox]

What it would mean coming from someone else is completely irrelevant. We take liberties with the people who we are intimate with, we do what we think is best for them and sometimes we're wrong. That doesn't mean that he was being cruel.

Coexisting with someone doesn't mean you get to veto every stupid mistake they make. He apologized, and he's gone out of his way to make amends, and none of this is your business because as far as I'm concerned my relationship with him is private, and I don't need you to weigh in on it when you know precisely nothing at all about it.

...Why do I see what that way?

Re: private - I love how, for him, this flood just = being blunter than usual

[iam_aghost]

No, and I never said it was his intent. But the act is.

Yes, your relationship with him is private, and business between the two of you. I understand and want to respect that as far as possible. But in doing something like that, he's getting involved in our business, and I can't just leave it alone. I don't want to tear your relationship apart or get involved where I don't belong.

But this kind of act definitely affects my ability to help you. Especially as I don't know a thing about it. I'm not passing judgement on his intent, or him. I'm saying he shouldn't have done it, and if he regrets it then good. I'll trust your word on that, but I'm allowed to be concerned.