The Case of the Reluctant Guide Chapter 1 There's Always Something
Summary: Sentinel Sherlock Holmes has been searching for his Guide for 18 years, and now he is going to find him in a situation even he could never even imagined.
Disclaimers: I certainly do not own Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s amazing creation of Sherlock Holmes and Dr. John Hamish Watson. I also do not own Steven Moffat, Mark Gatiss, and the BBC’s ( Read more... )
And since you asked for feedback on spelling/grammar/etc....
that his intelligence and control without the need of a Guide was because he was psychopath. Other's speculated
I think this should have 'were' instead of 'was', since the subject consists of 2 things (intelligence and control), and an 'a' before 'psychopath'. Other's shouldn't take an apostrophe, since it's a plural rather than a possessive. Personally, I would put a comma after 'speculated' as well, because of how I'd prefer to set off some of the phrasing, but that may be just me.
older Sentinel and Guides
I suggest making 'Sentinel' plural in this paragraph, to match 'Guides'.
I like the world-building you've put in here regarding protein markers and their use in identifying candidates. It makes sense that there would still be a few outliers like Sherlock who wouldn't be handled neatly even under the improved system. I'll be interested to find out more about John's background in this setting later on.
And young Sentinels and Guides, like all young people each felt they were invincible
I don't think you need 'each' here.
had been a Japanese women.
'Woman'.
she had found her Guide, in a young man in college in the deep south who hadn’t even come online until a few days before they met.
That sounds like an interesting story in itself. I'm curious as to what his background was, and what kind of issues they might have had getting used to one another.
It wasn’t like the Holmes, a long established Sentinel-Guide Family of the upper class
I'd have said 'Holmeses' rather than 'Holmes' in the context of this sentence, as the plural.
most people simply thought he was oddity, a mentally and emotionally damaged Sentinel that didn’t have a partner.
I believe you meant 'an oddity' here. I'd also suggest saying 'who' rather than 'that.'
Sherlock had come fully online, all five senses enhanced beyond normal, in one nightmarishly out of control night when he was eleven years old, six years before most Sentinels and Guides ever became active.
I look forward to hearing what caused this, assuming that Sherlock was partly right and that some corresponding incident happened to John at that time. If you're putting the characters' ages at the same difference that the actors' ages are, John would've been about 16 at that time. (Granted, since Sherlock is some years younger here than Benedict Cumberbatch was when 'A Study in Pink' was made, I realize that you've already made some adjustments to the ages here.)
Once he climbed up out of the addictions
I'd recommend saying 'his' instead of 'the', although 'the' isn't incorrect.
who worked for the yard
I think 'the Yard' should have a capital 'Y' throughout, since it's part of a proper name.
I'm glad you're referring to Molly properly as a pathologist here, by the way.
I don’t want any of the unbonded Sentinels aware of the problem until we have a solution.
Somehow I think this speech is going to come back to haunt Stamford once his colleagues find out what happened just after they left...
so many specialist
Missing an 's' at the end.
Sherlock was still considering if he should meander up to the Sentinel-Guide Ward to satisfy his curiosity
*rolls eyes* And of course Sherlock doesn't think that speech at *all* applied to *him* as an unbonded Sentinel... (Quite in character there.)
I like the touch that Stamford is very competent professionally, while not to be trusted to know where his mobile is. :)
You know, Sherlock, if you’re not careful someday someone who cares is going to catch you using our equipment and demand to know who gave you permission.
:) But obviously today is not that day. :)
Mike's question about medicine is quite valid, and Sherlock goes off on entirely the wrong tack. Believable, I hasten to add - being a GP would *not* be a good fit for him. Mike does have a point that Sherlock could make a good researcher or diagnostician, someone who *didn't* have to have a bedside manner.
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undiagnosisable
'undiagnosable' seems to be the word you were going for here.
I like the way you set up the change in the conversation, when Sherlock reacted to the strange scent he detected on Mike. It's a nice touch that Mike realizes what Sherlock's probably reacting to while Sherlock has no clue. :)
That he was a solider
'Soldier' takes the 'd' before the 'i'. It's unfortunate that spell-check often doesn't quite grasp the grammar well enough to catch this one.
who as far as anyone can tell is completely untrained and until three weeks ago inactive
Hmm. I'll be *really* interested to learn later on how *this* came about - John apparently being inactive all that time - while Sherlock was active. Granted, Sherlock's observation earlier was that being triggered by something happening to one's partner involved being in the partner's presence at the time and we have no evidence that that was the case, and circumstantial evidence that it *wasn't* the case...
You were going to introduce my Guide to strange Sentinels.
:)
I was interested to learn what a Heath Robinson device was; thank you for that.
I look forward to more of this story. Thank you for it.
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