honestly...frustrated
well the good news is that I didn't have a ticket on my car the day after my last post! yay me :) not to say there wasn't a ticket, but it wasn't on my car or anywhere around, so I'm going to assume that I don't have one :)
I have known for a very long time that I absolutely am my own worst enemy. I have been working on my procrastination a lot this past year on my self growth journey. But I don't know if it's February, or that I can't get myself out of vacation mode..or what... but these last couple weeks ... ugh.. I can't seem to get out of my own way, I don't want to do anything, i'm eating badly.. I'm sleeping way to much...The shittiest part about it is, I KNOW BETTER.. I know if I got up and went out and walked a little bit, or did some work.. or accomplished ANYTHING that I would start feeling better.. but do you think I've done it? Nooo.. I'm wrapping myself up in tv shows that aren't helping me in anyway shape or form.. It's like I've consciously turned off the part of my brain that requires me to give a shit about anything other than going through the motions to make it through the day.
Before I left to go to Cuba, I was in this awesome state of mind.. we had this contest at wfg every month to see how many new contacts we can make.. We do little predictions, i signed myself up for 15 before I left, for the whole month of February.. Do you know how many I've done... NONE... What the hell .. I love this place, I love what I do .. so why am I not doing it? where did my ambition go for life?
It's like I'm missing the drive to do anything... Even at my full time job, this is kind of our slow period, and while I am getting some stuff done.. I'm not getting nearly anything that I should be.. I let myself get distracted by facebook and stupid internet pages, and than I get mad at myself for doing what I should be accomplishing.... I'm starting to get scared that I'm not going to snap out of this..
Yesterday I was in an awesome mood... especially for it being Valentines day lol but as soon as I got home it was like... yep .. turn the tv on and don't do anything.. Well actually I cleaned up a little and accomplished the one small goal I set for myself.. so it was something..but ARGHH i'm so frustrated with myself.
I did have dinner with an old friend this week, that was really nice. His birthday came around while I was in Cuba, and I missed it last year due to being sick.. and we haven't seen each other now in like a year and a half which is really sad because he lives like a 6 minute drive away from my work. Oh well such is life I guess..It was nice catching up though
Also yesterday I got a call from a long lost friend from Alberta, well not so lost, I knew vaguely where she was, but we've both been so wrapped up in getting our respective careers off the ground that we've just not kept in touch as much as I would like.. Anyways she called me with some bad news, she had to put one of her cats down :( it was sad, but he's been sick for some time, so he's not suffering anymore.. It was nice to catch up with her as well <3
I also found out some crazy news when I got back from vacation that an acquaintance of mine that I haven't seen in years, but whom I used to see & talk to, on a daily basis.. was frigging arrested in Nov for sexual assault and communicating for the purpose of obtaining sexual services from a person under 18.
Ther was a huge scandal in this province that happened in the Fall. A 16 year old boy was kidnapped and kept handcuffed and chained up by 2 men. He somehow escaped and the men took off, spurring a national manhunt. They were finally found in Ontario, one had died from not having medication he needed for his diabetes, and the other was found confused and walking in the a wooded area.. a couple months later they had arrested a third man, the man was from the town where I work, so that was scary, but when they announced his name It didn't click, because we had always called the man by his nickname.. but when I came back from Cuba my boss advised me that it was our mutual acquaintance.... I used to be good friends with his wife, I saw them both on a daily basis, as they used to come into my work.. I even went on a date with their son at one time.. It just really shocked me that he would do something like that.. :( I always really liked him. I guess it just goes to show, that you never really know anyone. I just feel really bad for his family. His wife is such a lovely person, I can't imagine what this has done to her & the kids :(
I think about things like this and about all the sufferings people go through in this life, and it makes me feel horrible for complaining about my own small problems. I need to start appreciating life again and kick my own ass to get back out there and do what I need to do...
I have known for a very long time that I absolutely am my own worst enemy. I have been working on my procrastination a lot this past year on my self growth journey. But I don't know if it's February, or that I can't get myself out of vacation mode..or what... but these last couple weeks ... ugh.. I can't seem to get out of my own way, I don't want to do anything, i'm eating badly.. I'm sleeping way to much...The shittiest part about it is, I KNOW BETTER.. I know if I got up and went out and walked a little bit, or did some work.. or accomplished ANYTHING that I would start feeling better.. but do you think I've done it? Nooo.. I'm wrapping myself up in tv shows that aren't helping me in anyway shape or form.. It's like I've consciously turned off the part of my brain that requires me to give a shit about anything other than going through the motions to make it through the day.
Before I left to go to Cuba, I was in this awesome state of mind.. we had this contest at wfg every month to see how many new contacts we can make.. We do little predictions, i signed myself up for 15 before I left, for the whole month of February.. Do you know how many I've done... NONE... What the hell .. I love this place, I love what I do .. so why am I not doing it? where did my ambition go for life?
It's like I'm missing the drive to do anything... Even at my full time job, this is kind of our slow period, and while I am getting some stuff done.. I'm not getting nearly anything that I should be.. I let myself get distracted by facebook and stupid internet pages, and than I get mad at myself for doing what I should be accomplishing.... I'm starting to get scared that I'm not going to snap out of this..
Yesterday I was in an awesome mood... especially for it being Valentines day lol but as soon as I got home it was like... yep .. turn the tv on and don't do anything.. Well actually I cleaned up a little and accomplished the one small goal I set for myself.. so it was something..but ARGHH i'm so frustrated with myself.
I did have dinner with an old friend this week, that was really nice. His birthday came around while I was in Cuba, and I missed it last year due to being sick.. and we haven't seen each other now in like a year and a half which is really sad because he lives like a 6 minute drive away from my work. Oh well such is life I guess..It was nice catching up though
Also yesterday I got a call from a long lost friend from Alberta, well not so lost, I knew vaguely where she was, but we've both been so wrapped up in getting our respective careers off the ground that we've just not kept in touch as much as I would like.. Anyways she called me with some bad news, she had to put one of her cats down :( it was sad, but he's been sick for some time, so he's not suffering anymore.. It was nice to catch up with her as well <3
I also found out some crazy news when I got back from vacation that an acquaintance of mine that I haven't seen in years, but whom I used to see & talk to, on a daily basis.. was frigging arrested in Nov for sexual assault and communicating for the purpose of obtaining sexual services from a person under 18.
Ther was a huge scandal in this province that happened in the Fall. A 16 year old boy was kidnapped and kept handcuffed and chained up by 2 men. He somehow escaped and the men took off, spurring a national manhunt. They were finally found in Ontario, one had died from not having medication he needed for his diabetes, and the other was found confused and walking in the a wooded area.. a couple months later they had arrested a third man, the man was from the town where I work, so that was scary, but when they announced his name It didn't click, because we had always called the man by his nickname.. but when I came back from Cuba my boss advised me that it was our mutual acquaintance.... I used to be good friends with his wife, I saw them both on a daily basis, as they used to come into my work.. I even went on a date with their son at one time.. It just really shocked me that he would do something like that.. :( I always really liked him. I guess it just goes to show, that you never really know anyone. I just feel really bad for his family. His wife is such a lovely person, I can't imagine what this has done to her & the kids :(
I think about things like this and about all the sufferings people go through in this life, and it makes me feel horrible for complaining about my own small problems. I need to start appreciating life again and kick my own ass to get back out there and do what I need to do...