let down, yet again
im still all sad... want to know why? well... its kind of stupid but who cares... i was talking to sam on the phone and i heard something hit my window... i was like "oh my god sam... there's someone at my window... someone just threw something at it... i dont want to look out it" i thought... MAYBE, just maybe it could be him... i looked, no one there... next thing i know... my brother calls my name. i went in the other room and was thinking, "oh my god... its him... he still loves me" and i walk out and see mullet man standing there with a bottle of mountain dew code red for me and i was like, "did you throw something at my window" (it was one of those questions you didn't want to know the answer to) and he said, "yes" man... i could have cried right then and there... i told sam how i was all sad and shit and yeah... he's seriously all i think about. where is he? is he dead? did he ever love me? did he ever even like me? these thoughts are constantly running through my head, and sometimes i just can't take it... i can't focus on anything anymore... i feel like i'm always drunk. it's a weird feeling... but every time i go off into a trance like that i think of him and it really gets me upset... sometimes when im in school i just want to run away... but everything reminds me of him... if i were to get rid of everything that made me think of him... then i would be left with nothing but a pair of jeans and a t-shirt... you know? no... you don't. i think i need to go to one of those correctional facilities to get him off my mind... or find another guy... that's just not an option right now, we're still technically "going out" but i dont consider him my boyfriend because a girl's boyfriend is supposed to be there for her... and that's something he's just not.