2017, A Year in Review
Every year I find myself looking forward to completing this post, but not this year. I'm caught somewhere in between hope and despair, and find myself feeling the same exact things year after year. This year I wonder if all the fighting and struggle and the miniature successes that I have are worth striving for, as I continually fail and make bad decisions, making all progress null and void. I'll review the year, but I honestly don't know if I can handle another year in the cage I make from my own failures.
Where did you begin 2017?
I was home alone, but snuggling with Gunner and drinking Jack Daniels and texting Denny, who was stuck working the overnight. I watched Forgetting Sarah Marshall and other nerdy movies, and then watched some more on Youtube. Honestly, it was a really wonderful night.
Did you know anybody who got married?
Some people on the periphary of my social circle, but I know of several couples who got engaged and will be getting married in 2018.
Did anyone close to you give birth?
No, but some are about ready to!
Did anyone close to you die?
Yes.
Where did you travel to and with who?
Only got to Mburg once last year. Incredible sadness. Other than that, nothing.
Did you move anywhere?
I have remained stationary.
What would you like to have in 2018 that you lacked in 2017?
Confidence, strength, and the resolve to follow through on important decision that need to be made. Which was my answer last year. With each year, the desperation behind that sentence intensifies.
What date from 2017 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
June 28th, when I discovered that I am in fact capable of having children. And September 22, which is when I brought my ridiculous tiny dog home for good.
What was your biggest achievement of the year?
I left the Humane Society. That place was toxic for me, and I'm relieved to be rid of it.
What was your biggest failure?
Letting Adam come back, after I had asked him to leave. Again. It's like I don't learn... SERIOUSLY WHY DO I NOT LEARN THIS LESSON IT'S NOT WORKING IT'S NEVER GOING TO WORK WHY DO I EVEN BOTHER!!!!
Maybe I'll finally learn something in 2018.
Did you suffer illness or injury?
Yes. I don't think my anxiety has ever been this bad. Getting away from the shelter helped a ton. My decisions negatively impact that. I don't know why I'm not stronger by now.
What was the best thing you bought?
The cost of Apple's medical bills when I took her "as is" from the shelter instead of leaving her there to rot. I couldn't do it. And she is perfect and I'm so happy I brought her home.
Whose behavior merited celebration?
The friends who tell me I'm stupid (you know who you are) in the kindest possible way. Mike, who continues to be a pillar of strength for me. And my coworkers at BJs, who helped rebuild my shattered confidence.
Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
Adam, and the shelter's manager Linda.
Where did most of your money go?
House stuff, dog care, and saving up to go to a wedding and reside the house next year.
What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Getting to go to Mburg for an entire week. It was freaking glorious.
What song will always remind you of 2017?
Hallelujah - Panic at the Disco
Take It All Back - Judah and the Lion
What do you wish you'd done more of?
Working out, taking care of myself, and being with people instead of alone.
What do you wish you’d done less of?
Give in to the worst parts of me, wussing out when it was really, REALLY important for me not to.
How will you be spending New Years Eve?
I went to see my friend Cal and we had dinner and watched Food Network (we're both sucked in like whoa during cooking challenge shows). Then I came home to snuggle with Gunner and Apple and I had a mug of coffee and watched Forgetting Sarah Marshall. Not a bad night, in all.
Did you fall in love in 2017?
Yes, with a certain large-headed chihuahua. No, I really didn't see that coming. Like, at all.
What was your favourite TV program?
Midsomer Murders
Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
I have complex feelings about that, same as last year.
What was the best book you read?
I just got Turtles All The Way Down, which I am sharing with my sister. I will let you know how it is.
What was your greatest musical discovery?
Found a new radio station that does a "90's at noon" hour that gives me ALL the nostalgia.
What did you want and get?
I wanted a new job. And as of yesterday, I got a promotion at Lane Bryant which will take care of all my bills, and BJs has decided to allow me to stay there part time as well.
What was your favorite film of this year?
I didn't see anything in theaters, maybe next year.
What concerts/shows did you go to?
I get to any this year. I want to go see more live music in 2018.
What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 33, and I worked.
What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
A backbone.
How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2016?
Back in fashion, baby! I'm in love with leggings!!!!
Did you change your hairstyle?
Nope. But about to cut off a few inches.
What kept you sane?
Gunner-fuzz, coffee, and my friends. Same answer, still true, over and over <3
What political issue stirred you the most?
Trump is president. I would rather he not be, in the strongest of terms.
Who did you miss?
Houghton people, forever and ever and EVER. FOR-EH-VER!! (and ever)
Who were the best new people you met?
My buddy Cal, my friend Ben, a bunch of people I have become to through my job at BJs, and rekindled relationships at Lane Bryant.
Other than home, where did you spend most of your time?
Work. I have worked an insane amount this year. Which paid off, literally and figuratively.
Best month?
Whenever I was in Mburg.
Do anything embarrassing?
Let Adam move back in. It's embarassing, and I should feel ashamed for it.
Favorite Night out?
I don't really have one, but bowling in Mburg is always a solid favorite night for me.
What has been your favorite moment(s)?
Leaving the shelter for the last time as an employee for the last time.
What's the one thing you thought you would not do but did in 2017?
Let Adam come home. It's breaking me, and I can't do this anymore.
Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2017.
Your life will not get better in spite of your weaknesses. It will remain in the gutter until you fight your way out.
Overall, how would you rate this year?
I'm happy to leave it in the rear view. I can't help but look back and feel completely lost and hopeless. But maybe, just maybe, this year I can do better. I guess we'll see.
Where did you begin 2017?
I was home alone, but snuggling with Gunner and drinking Jack Daniels and texting Denny, who was stuck working the overnight. I watched Forgetting Sarah Marshall and other nerdy movies, and then watched some more on Youtube. Honestly, it was a really wonderful night.
Did you know anybody who got married?
Some people on the periphary of my social circle, but I know of several couples who got engaged and will be getting married in 2018.
Did anyone close to you give birth?
No, but some are about ready to!
Did anyone close to you die?
Yes.
Where did you travel to and with who?
Only got to Mburg once last year. Incredible sadness. Other than that, nothing.
Did you move anywhere?
I have remained stationary.
What would you like to have in 2018 that you lacked in 2017?
Confidence, strength, and the resolve to follow through on important decision that need to be made. Which was my answer last year. With each year, the desperation behind that sentence intensifies.
What date from 2017 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
June 28th, when I discovered that I am in fact capable of having children. And September 22, which is when I brought my ridiculous tiny dog home for good.
What was your biggest achievement of the year?
I left the Humane Society. That place was toxic for me, and I'm relieved to be rid of it.
What was your biggest failure?
Letting Adam come back, after I had asked him to leave. Again. It's like I don't learn... SERIOUSLY WHY DO I NOT LEARN THIS LESSON IT'S NOT WORKING IT'S NEVER GOING TO WORK WHY DO I EVEN BOTHER!!!!
Maybe I'll finally learn something in 2018.
Did you suffer illness or injury?
Yes. I don't think my anxiety has ever been this bad. Getting away from the shelter helped a ton. My decisions negatively impact that. I don't know why I'm not stronger by now.
What was the best thing you bought?
The cost of Apple's medical bills when I took her "as is" from the shelter instead of leaving her there to rot. I couldn't do it. And she is perfect and I'm so happy I brought her home.
Whose behavior merited celebration?
The friends who tell me I'm stupid (you know who you are) in the kindest possible way. Mike, who continues to be a pillar of strength for me. And my coworkers at BJs, who helped rebuild my shattered confidence.
Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
Adam, and the shelter's manager Linda.
Where did most of your money go?
House stuff, dog care, and saving up to go to a wedding and reside the house next year.
What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Getting to go to Mburg for an entire week. It was freaking glorious.
What song will always remind you of 2017?
Hallelujah - Panic at the Disco
Take It All Back - Judah and the Lion
What do you wish you'd done more of?
Working out, taking care of myself, and being with people instead of alone.
What do you wish you’d done less of?
Give in to the worst parts of me, wussing out when it was really, REALLY important for me not to.
How will you be spending New Years Eve?
I went to see my friend Cal and we had dinner and watched Food Network (we're both sucked in like whoa during cooking challenge shows). Then I came home to snuggle with Gunner and Apple and I had a mug of coffee and watched Forgetting Sarah Marshall. Not a bad night, in all.
Did you fall in love in 2017?
Yes, with a certain large-headed chihuahua. No, I really didn't see that coming. Like, at all.
What was your favourite TV program?
Midsomer Murders
Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
I have complex feelings about that, same as last year.
What was the best book you read?
I just got Turtles All The Way Down, which I am sharing with my sister. I will let you know how it is.
What was your greatest musical discovery?
Found a new radio station that does a "90's at noon" hour that gives me ALL the nostalgia.
What did you want and get?
I wanted a new job. And as of yesterday, I got a promotion at Lane Bryant which will take care of all my bills, and BJs has decided to allow me to stay there part time as well.
What was your favorite film of this year?
I didn't see anything in theaters, maybe next year.
What concerts/shows did you go to?
I get to any this year. I want to go see more live music in 2018.
What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 33, and I worked.
What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
A backbone.
How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2016?
Back in fashion, baby! I'm in love with leggings!!!!
Did you change your hairstyle?
Nope. But about to cut off a few inches.
What kept you sane?
Gunner-fuzz, coffee, and my friends. Same answer, still true, over and over <3
What political issue stirred you the most?
Trump is president. I would rather he not be, in the strongest of terms.
Who did you miss?
Houghton people, forever and ever and EVER. FOR-EH-VER!! (and ever)
Who were the best new people you met?
My buddy Cal, my friend Ben, a bunch of people I have become to through my job at BJs, and rekindled relationships at Lane Bryant.
Other than home, where did you spend most of your time?
Work. I have worked an insane amount this year. Which paid off, literally and figuratively.
Best month?
Whenever I was in Mburg.
Do anything embarrassing?
Let Adam move back in. It's embarassing, and I should feel ashamed for it.
Favorite Night out?
I don't really have one, but bowling in Mburg is always a solid favorite night for me.
What has been your favorite moment(s)?
Leaving the shelter for the last time as an employee for the last time.
What's the one thing you thought you would not do but did in 2017?
Let Adam come home. It's breaking me, and I can't do this anymore.
Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2017.
Your life will not get better in spite of your weaknesses. It will remain in the gutter until you fight your way out.
Overall, how would you rate this year?
I'm happy to leave it in the rear view. I can't help but look back and feel completely lost and hopeless. But maybe, just maybe, this year I can do better. I guess we'll see.