rum pa pa pum
please???
i am the worlds biggest cynic regarding myself. i am so dissatisfied. i think i come to this point of being happy and comfortable and then either i, someone else, or numerous people ruin it. i need to just snap out of it or take prozac or something because this whole feeling shitty thing isnt getting pretty or better. maybe im just insecure, stupid, or both but i know that i make myself miserable. there are people in this world that i think i can depend on, that i think actually make things better, but they really dont. everyone knows this kind of person, we all do, and we all try to pretend they dont do these kind of activities, but they do. i defend them, i am kind to them, i am decent, and even like them, but once i do, i dont and i hate myself for everything that ive done in a positive way for them. they make things crappy, why cant i just realize this? i thought i knew this a long time ago, but as it turns out i never learned my lesson. why do these people walk all over me? is it because i dont state what i believe in enough, or emphasize the points to an extreme?
yes, it probably is, and because of it im beating myself up about it now. why, why, why? why do i do this to myself? why do i put myself into these situations? i need to develop a thick outer-shell and just lock everything up inside and never let any of it come out. i bring myself to tears on a weekly basis.
i went shopping today. it was madness, but it was successful. i bought too much stuff. and its not even december. after recent events i am considering returning a couple of items.
i rented elf and the day after tomorrow tonight. i liked both of them, and seeing elf again was great.
editt!
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