I was given an assignment in my creative writing class back in early 2001....I thought it interesting at the time, yet didnt realize the affect it would have on me in my future (now
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Four times now, that I can remember and every time, it's when I have just managed to fall asleep without thinking of him when I'm feeling that I can go through this life never knowing if the vision of what I think we could have had is true.
I'm not being fair carrying somone who doesn't wish to be carried but what can I do? I give him silence I pretend not to care I don't rub it in his face not that I could I try not to mention anything involving him his life, his presence but... we had a connection and I can't just erase the memories of the way he used to look at me like I was what he wanted to see and not simply what he had convinced himself I was.
And each time he enters it's the same we talk, like we haven't before and then he becomes an observer or runs away, after startling me out of my complacency. Interrupts my consciousness for a guest appearence
And today clearing the pictures from my wall I opened my photo box to his face and for the first time noticed that he was wearing the shirt he had gotten while we were together the white one... which made his skin so tan. So beautiful.
And I missed it. And it suprised me because I've done this so far and I've come all the way here tried to leave him behind.
And I don't know why His book won't stay closed but the wind never blows for no reason.
Good question.. but It sound really really familiar... this may sounds pretentious, but it almost sounds like something I wrote...
Well, that changes my comments. I was all prepared to write about your letter to yourself. I will do that now anyway. Ha.
OMG! I remember that heather!! I remember sitting next to that heather while we wrote our letters! I remember her idealism, her perseverence, her desire to experience everything on earth, and make it better by appriciating it for what it was! You really haven´t changed ma belle heather. The world around you has, but you haven´t. I can´t believe the things you wrote and how prophetic they were. Your father, Nick, hell... us! You quest for love... all of it. It´s amazing, because it feels so long ago, and I remember being so anxious to know who we were going to be, and now I realize we´re just older, wiser versions of the exact same people, and it´s encouraging. I think this trip is good for many reasons, one of which is the growing we get to do while seperated, and then get together to celebrate! I´m still so excited for the rest of the trip, but also so excited to be back home with you! Keep your optomism, and your hope. Your 17 year old self was right, fate will bring you the things so deserve because you want them and earn them every day of your life.
And I can still smell him
Four times now, that I can remember
and every time, it's when I have just managed
to fall asleep without thinking of him
when I'm feeling that I can go through this life
never knowing if the vision
of what I think we could have had
is true.
I'm not being fair
carrying somone who doesn't wish to be carried
but what can I do?
I give him silence
I pretend not to care
I don't rub it in his face
not that I could
I try not to mention
anything involving him
his life, his presence
but... we had a connection
and I can't just erase
the memories of the way
he used to look at me
like I was what he wanted to see
and not simply what he had convinced himself
I was.
And each time
he enters
it's the same
we talk, like we haven't before
and then he becomes an observer
or runs away, after
startling me out of
my complacency.
Interrupts my consciousness
for a guest appearence
And today
clearing the pictures from my wall
I opened my photo box
to his face
and for the first time noticed
that he was wearing the shirt
he had gotten while
we were together
the white one... which made his skin
so tan. So beautiful.
And I missed it.
And it suprised me
because I've done this so far
and I've come all the way here
tried to leave him behind.
And I don't know why
His book won't stay closed
but the wind never blows
for no reason.
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Well, that changes my comments. I was all prepared to write about your letter to yourself. I will do that now anyway. Ha.
OMG! I remember that heather!! I remember sitting next to that heather while we wrote our letters! I remember her idealism, her perseverence, her desire to experience everything on earth, and make it better by appriciating it for what it was! You really haven´t changed ma belle heather. The world around you has, but you haven´t. I can´t believe the things you wrote and how prophetic they were. Your father, Nick, hell... us! You quest for love... all of it. It´s amazing, because it feels so long ago, and I remember being so anxious to know who we were going to be, and now I realize we´re just older, wiser versions of the exact same people, and it´s encouraging. I think this trip is good for many reasons, one of which is the growing we get to do while seperated, and then get together to celebrate! I´m still so excited for the rest of the trip, but also so excited to be back home with you! Keep your optomism, and your hope. Your 17 year old self was right, fate will bring you the things so deserve because you want them and earn them every day of your life.
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