Gratitude.
Towards one Jonathan Mangum. I posted this on my Tumblr too.
I know I go on sprees where I have “feels” towards Jonathan, but really, he means more to me than that. He means more to me than just someone to occasionally have keyboard-smash moments over. It’s not a creepy thing, I’m just incredibly grateful.
Back in February, my mother was hospitalized with pneumonia and dehydration due to the chemotherapy she was on at the time. (needless to say that her oncologist stopped it) I stayed at home to take care of the house while my dad stayed at the hospital with her. I would visit her in the morning or afternoon so I could watch LMAD.
I know what you’re thinking. Sarah, that’s selfish, staying home to watch a show when your mother is in the hospital.
But you don’t understand.
LMAD was my escape. For that hour, I didn’t have to worry about my mother. I didn’t have to worry about when she was coming home or how her recovery was going. For that hour, my mind was free. All I had to do was watch Jonathan do his improv with Wayne and wonder who was going to try for the big deal and if I had what they wanted for the quick deals. But that wasn’t enough. When it ended, I always drove to the hospital and visited her, and my worries were refreshed. I saw how weak she was, saw how much she was unlike the woman who had raised me. It was terrible.
The second night, I ended up crying my eyes out after my dad called and told me that she wouldn’t be coming home. I was talking to Jen and another friend from Twitter and sobbing my eyes out. I remember going into my room and grabbing my panda named for Jonathan. I squeezed it so tightly and probably ended up crying on it. It was my comfort at the time.
But Sarah, how does this make you grateful to Jonathan himself? I get the LMAD thing…but what else?
This is where he comes in.
One night that week, I was sitting on the couch talking to Jen and decided to watch IAG on YouTube. I started at the beginning, episode 1. My first true smile came when I saw Jonathan start singing during the song to Valerie. My first laugh was later on. I felt more like myself than I had that entire week, thanks to him and his improv.
I honestly wish I could tell him this, express my gratitude towards him. But my nerves kill me. That and I can’t word it properly.
I know I go on sprees where I have “feels” towards Jonathan, but really, he means more to me than that. He means more to me than just someone to occasionally have keyboard-smash moments over. It’s not a creepy thing, I’m just incredibly grateful.
Back in February, my mother was hospitalized with pneumonia and dehydration due to the chemotherapy she was on at the time. (needless to say that her oncologist stopped it) I stayed at home to take care of the house while my dad stayed at the hospital with her. I would visit her in the morning or afternoon so I could watch LMAD.
I know what you’re thinking. Sarah, that’s selfish, staying home to watch a show when your mother is in the hospital.
But you don’t understand.
LMAD was my escape. For that hour, I didn’t have to worry about my mother. I didn’t have to worry about when she was coming home or how her recovery was going. For that hour, my mind was free. All I had to do was watch Jonathan do his improv with Wayne and wonder who was going to try for the big deal and if I had what they wanted for the quick deals. But that wasn’t enough. When it ended, I always drove to the hospital and visited her, and my worries were refreshed. I saw how weak she was, saw how much she was unlike the woman who had raised me. It was terrible.
The second night, I ended up crying my eyes out after my dad called and told me that she wouldn’t be coming home. I was talking to Jen and another friend from Twitter and sobbing my eyes out. I remember going into my room and grabbing my panda named for Jonathan. I squeezed it so tightly and probably ended up crying on it. It was my comfort at the time.
But Sarah, how does this make you grateful to Jonathan himself? I get the LMAD thing…but what else?
This is where he comes in.
One night that week, I was sitting on the couch talking to Jen and decided to watch IAG on YouTube. I started at the beginning, episode 1. My first true smile came when I saw Jonathan start singing during the song to Valerie. My first laugh was later on. I felt more like myself than I had that entire week, thanks to him and his improv.
I honestly wish I could tell him this, express my gratitude towards him. But my nerves kill me. That and I can’t word it properly.