Your love is a razorblade kiss...
So I'm feeling kind of self-defeated today.
I don't know, lately I've been in an extremely off mood, and It's not getting any better.
I'm starting to doubt myself and the things that (I thought) made me as a person.
I never feel like I'm doing well enough at anything in life.
I have pretty good grades, better than the average college populus.
I feel useless.
I've been studying for hours now, trying to make up for the useless feeling.. and the worthless one.
And it's not because anyone told me I am these things... I just feel it.
(To those of you who knew me all that time ago, the words of another are resurfacing in my mind)
I'm starting to doubt myself as a friend as well.
I don't think I contribute very much, I just seem to take and take and take... (maybe you were right..)
I try to make up for things, but with limited finances...
There I go again making excuses as to why I'm not a better person.
Don't get me wrong.. I have things in my life to be thankful for, that's the point of this. I don't think that I should have them right now. I don't do enough, give enough, nor AM I enough. I've been sleepless the last few nights because I worry all the time away. Grades, money, parents, school, GRADES, friends, hmmmmmmm.
So I'm kinda having one of those days where you just want to strangle stupid people. Just because lack of sleep makes you silly and mean, kind of like drinking Jack Daniels all night. Kind of like I wanted to strangle this girl who had said that "Condoleeza Rice is sooo smart". HA. Kind of like how Easter is going to suck without you.
Making my book is theraputic, but it also reminds me of everything I could have and should have done; and failed to.
I'm drowning now....
xo.
Sorry, I just had to write it out... I have to resolve this feeling somehow, and after much deliberation, I decided to use this medium. Oh and sidenote: The "you's" in this aren't all directed at the same person. But I think a couple people besides myself could figure out who is who.
I don't know, lately I've been in an extremely off mood, and It's not getting any better.
I'm starting to doubt myself and the things that (I thought) made me as a person.
I never feel like I'm doing well enough at anything in life.
I have pretty good grades, better than the average college populus.
I feel useless.
I've been studying for hours now, trying to make up for the useless feeling.. and the worthless one.
And it's not because anyone told me I am these things... I just feel it.
(To those of you who knew me all that time ago, the words of another are resurfacing in my mind)
I'm starting to doubt myself as a friend as well.
I don't think I contribute very much, I just seem to take and take and take... (maybe you were right..)
I try to make up for things, but with limited finances...
There I go again making excuses as to why I'm not a better person.
Don't get me wrong.. I have things in my life to be thankful for, that's the point of this. I don't think that I should have them right now. I don't do enough, give enough, nor AM I enough. I've been sleepless the last few nights because I worry all the time away. Grades, money, parents, school, GRADES, friends, hmmmmmmm.
So I'm kinda having one of those days where you just want to strangle stupid people. Just because lack of sleep makes you silly and mean, kind of like drinking Jack Daniels all night. Kind of like I wanted to strangle this girl who had said that "Condoleeza Rice is sooo smart". HA. Kind of like how Easter is going to suck without you.
Making my book is theraputic, but it also reminds me of everything I could have and should have done; and failed to.
I'm drowning now....
xo.
Sorry, I just had to write it out... I have to resolve this feeling somehow, and after much deliberation, I decided to use this medium. Oh and sidenote: The "you's" in this aren't all directed at the same person. But I think a couple people besides myself could figure out who is who.