Irateness
I am irritated with a few menfolk for no good reason really other than that I am tired and it is what happens when I start unleashing my otherwise fiery temperament. I blame Neil. Before therapy I didnt know I had anger issues or even anger really.
It will pass. It is just a temporary state of pissed offness that comes from not feeling special or cherished.
I know in my heart that I am cared about but sometimes my head forgets that, or starts weaving different stories. Of how love fades, you were loved once but not now.
I am dissapointed with my brother. Dissapointed but not altogether surprised. OUr communication is bad, there is the whole damn thorny family issue and I don't really expect him to call. It would be beautiful if he did but I don't hold my breath. Mostly I am tired of being the one of having to, or feeling like I have to hold all the pieces.
He needs to make some effort too. I know this. I know I know I know I've just been ignoring it for a while.
And D. WOrk before love. Fair enough. I can respect that but there are times when I still feel irritated by it.
However, I am also signficiantly mollified by the fact that I have spent the last few hours having a giggle with and being loved on by a friend. Always cool to see friends, especially the ones who drop by to see me thus saving me a trek across town. It is strange now that he is my friend, because he is a few years younger and now we have finally crossed the boundary where he is not a child I look after but a man I like in his own right, though there is always a slight *big sister* vibe to the relationship.
A little love warmly expressed goes a long way. I feel very very very uplifted inside. It feeds me.
It will pass. It is just a temporary state of pissed offness that comes from not feeling special or cherished.
I know in my heart that I am cared about but sometimes my head forgets that, or starts weaving different stories. Of how love fades, you were loved once but not now.
I am dissapointed with my brother. Dissapointed but not altogether surprised. OUr communication is bad, there is the whole damn thorny family issue and I don't really expect him to call. It would be beautiful if he did but I don't hold my breath. Mostly I am tired of being the one of having to, or feeling like I have to hold all the pieces.
He needs to make some effort too. I know this. I know I know I know I've just been ignoring it for a while.
And D. WOrk before love. Fair enough. I can respect that but there are times when I still feel irritated by it.
However, I am also signficiantly mollified by the fact that I have spent the last few hours having a giggle with and being loved on by a friend. Always cool to see friends, especially the ones who drop by to see me thus saving me a trek across town. It is strange now that he is my friend, because he is a few years younger and now we have finally crossed the boundary where he is not a child I look after but a man I like in his own right, though there is always a slight *big sister* vibe to the relationship.
A little love warmly expressed goes a long way. I feel very very very uplifted inside. It feeds me.