On the positive note, at least my womb makes my behind look slender
I am 39 weeks pregnant.
Z keeps comparing my physique to that of a snake that has swallowed an egg. Much as I cannot fault his observational skills, I nevertheless feel that his poetry needs work.
I am very hot and somewhat irritable. My shins are covered with bruises on account of the sharp edges of the bed and my stomach-hampered navigational abilities.
For the last three nights my Uterus has also been fucking with me like so: - at roughly 1am, begin contractions regular and powerful enough to make me all jiggety with nervousness and excitement of thinking "Labour! Has begun!". I commence relaxation and sleep breathing techniques taught to me by hippies. I fall asleep. I wake up in the morning still pregnant.
I have now officially Had Enough. The house is cleaner than it has been in years, the bathrooms are sparkling, and aside from a not-especially urgent trip to IKEA my To-Do list has been shown what's what.
Raspberrry leaf tea is being drunk with mild grimaces. Chillies are becoming integral for my cooking. My jawline is acquiring a grim set.
At least the cat has no problem with waiting.
Z keeps comparing my physique to that of a snake that has swallowed an egg. Much as I cannot fault his observational skills, I nevertheless feel that his poetry needs work.
I am very hot and somewhat irritable. My shins are covered with bruises on account of the sharp edges of the bed and my stomach-hampered navigational abilities.
For the last three nights my Uterus has also been fucking with me like so: - at roughly 1am, begin contractions regular and powerful enough to make me all jiggety with nervousness and excitement of thinking "Labour! Has begun!". I commence relaxation and sleep breathing techniques taught to me by hippies. I fall asleep. I wake up in the morning still pregnant.
I have now officially Had Enough. The house is cleaner than it has been in years, the bathrooms are sparkling, and aside from a not-especially urgent trip to IKEA my To-Do list has been shown what's what.
Raspberrry leaf tea is being drunk with mild grimaces. Chillies are becoming integral for my cooking. My jawline is acquiring a grim set.
At least the cat has no problem with waiting.