On Motherhood and Voice and Privilege
Hello! I have been writing the draft of my dissertation (from 0-20,000 words by Wednesday FTW! Like NaNo only with added hypertension and weeping!) but I am glad I came out of this self-imposed hibernation today to check into my Google Reader, and a suggestion from Danielle and to check out this great post on mommyblogging and privilege.
I am a passionate reader and I am drawn to people who strike a cord with me because they are good writers, and/or because I find them personally delightful or compelling. This is not class-driven (I read with interest blogs written by single moms who struggle to make ends meet from month to month, as well as people like Dooce whose life and scope and sartorial choices will never intersect with mine). But the issues are still manifold.
I do get all Feminist-Ragey on all kinds of issues concerning motherhood though (never more so than since I started the interviews for my research on Postnatal Depression) and issues of privilege feature highly on the list.
Danielle writes: For a long time, I've felt as though the mommybloggers receiving the most accolades, the most attention and the most opportunity are also a part of the largest minority where mothers/parenting are concerned. It doesn't devalue their talent to say that they speak from a place of privilege, but it does make me wonder where are the opportunities for EVERYONE ELSE?
I think where opportunity comes into it, is directly related to advertising and consumerism. You will get Free Stuff or Opportunity if advertisers can use you as a jingly-belled bait to attract the consumerist power of other (most likely white, middle-class or above moms since they will probably have the greatest amount of disposable income). So opportunities are going to be available most freely there, with a minority of slots for other bloggers who are able to have a wide-appeal to the same audience. (I may be speaking out of my ass of course, but this is just what I have observed of the wider-blogging world from my livejournal nook; Livejournal seems a different kettle of fish altogether - more insular, more connected, and caters to those who like me see blogging primarily as an enjoyable hobby and a way to connect with the lives of others so a lot of what I'm writing will not apply because as I see it LJ doesn't really give ANYONE career advancement or fame).
Years ago Alice Bradley said "Mommyblogging IS a radical act" and while I think it was certainly true of the time when she was saying it, I am no longer certain it holds water. For starters mommyblogging has gone mainstream (it's probably the most visible and vocal aspect of blogging) and as Trauma Queen writes, the most visible of the mommyblogs are being represented by a minority of women (largely married, educated, white, middle-class*, heterosexual). While I don't think those characteristics are anything to be ashamed of (after all, all but one of those characteristics apply to me) or that it makes their writing or their voice any less real, entertaining or valid, I think it also shouldn't reduce our interest in the other side of that. How can we draw out the voices of mothers living vastly different lives? How can we invite them into consciousness (and blogging might not be the answer, because if you are working 3 minimum-wage jobs to make ends meet you might not find yourself with time/opportunity to be on the internet).
The danger of privilege (as I see it) is not that it exists (arguably, someone will ALWAYS be in a position of privilege) but that it blinds us to the lives of others. It is easy to do. Part of the seductive power of privilege is that if you have it, your choices, your right to be, your beliefs are simply not questioned. You are allowed to dwell, and act, and think usually without being asked to justify your position in the world, because to a large extent the world caters to others exactly like you. (Harriet Godlhor Lerner writes about how a measure of minority is how many prefixes you need to attach to yourself/something you do - e.g. "A workshop on motherhood" vs. "A workshop on black lesbian women's experiences of motherhood").
The comments on Trauma Queen's post are a good illustration of this. There are several people going "Well why did you choose to have children if you were poor and had to raise them in a crack house hotel? Why didn't you just exercise responsibility and not breed?" I don't think a white middle-class mom is going to be asked the same questions, particularly not if she is married. No one would be questioning her right to want to be a mother.
At least in my world of having been Reared by Socialists, good mothering should have nothing to do with ability to buy or accumulate Stuff. Similarly, privilege should not be about guilt. (To me, occupying positions of privilege is a bit like inheriting money. You are not a bad person for having been given this gift, nor are you being asked to give it back). But I think you are being given a choice about what you do with it and how you spend it (such as whether you choose to share, and what you do with it or invest in) and you are on the most basic level being asked not to be a berk devoid of empathy or sensitivity. I think you should be asked to remember that you have not been given this gift because you are More Special Than or Worthier Than or Better Than, so much as Luckier Than.
For me, for my idealistic heart the dream it all comes down to is always this - the widening of scope. That the stage is big enough for all of us. That we are all deserving of interest and acknowledgement. That all our stories become part of the telling and the remembering. Because you are not my ennemy, or my competitor. Because somewhere deeper than bone, we are sisters, you and I.
*The world being complex, being middle class is not always a gift. For starters, it can make it more difficult to seek and receive help. However, on the whole, I think it's fair to say that those who are middle-class will be given more opportunities and freedom of choice.
I am a passionate reader and I am drawn to people who strike a cord with me because they are good writers, and/or because I find them personally delightful or compelling. This is not class-driven (I read with interest blogs written by single moms who struggle to make ends meet from month to month, as well as people like Dooce whose life and scope and sartorial choices will never intersect with mine). But the issues are still manifold.
I do get all Feminist-Ragey on all kinds of issues concerning motherhood though (never more so than since I started the interviews for my research on Postnatal Depression) and issues of privilege feature highly on the list.
Danielle writes: For a long time, I've felt as though the mommybloggers receiving the most accolades, the most attention and the most opportunity are also a part of the largest minority where mothers/parenting are concerned. It doesn't devalue their talent to say that they speak from a place of privilege, but it does make me wonder where are the opportunities for EVERYONE ELSE?
I think where opportunity comes into it, is directly related to advertising and consumerism. You will get Free Stuff or Opportunity if advertisers can use you as a jingly-belled bait to attract the consumerist power of other (most likely white, middle-class or above moms since they will probably have the greatest amount of disposable income). So opportunities are going to be available most freely there, with a minority of slots for other bloggers who are able to have a wide-appeal to the same audience. (I may be speaking out of my ass of course, but this is just what I have observed of the wider-blogging world from my livejournal nook; Livejournal seems a different kettle of fish altogether - more insular, more connected, and caters to those who like me see blogging primarily as an enjoyable hobby and a way to connect with the lives of others so a lot of what I'm writing will not apply because as I see it LJ doesn't really give ANYONE career advancement or fame).
Years ago Alice Bradley said "Mommyblogging IS a radical act" and while I think it was certainly true of the time when she was saying it, I am no longer certain it holds water. For starters mommyblogging has gone mainstream (it's probably the most visible and vocal aspect of blogging) and as Trauma Queen writes, the most visible of the mommyblogs are being represented by a minority of women (largely married, educated, white, middle-class*, heterosexual). While I don't think those characteristics are anything to be ashamed of (after all, all but one of those characteristics apply to me) or that it makes their writing or their voice any less real, entertaining or valid, I think it also shouldn't reduce our interest in the other side of that. How can we draw out the voices of mothers living vastly different lives? How can we invite them into consciousness (and blogging might not be the answer, because if you are working 3 minimum-wage jobs to make ends meet you might not find yourself with time/opportunity to be on the internet).
The danger of privilege (as I see it) is not that it exists (arguably, someone will ALWAYS be in a position of privilege) but that it blinds us to the lives of others. It is easy to do. Part of the seductive power of privilege is that if you have it, your choices, your right to be, your beliefs are simply not questioned. You are allowed to dwell, and act, and think usually without being asked to justify your position in the world, because to a large extent the world caters to others exactly like you. (Harriet Godlhor Lerner writes about how a measure of minority is how many prefixes you need to attach to yourself/something you do - e.g. "A workshop on motherhood" vs. "A workshop on black lesbian women's experiences of motherhood").
The comments on Trauma Queen's post are a good illustration of this. There are several people going "Well why did you choose to have children if you were poor and had to raise them in a crack house hotel? Why didn't you just exercise responsibility and not breed?" I don't think a white middle-class mom is going to be asked the same questions, particularly not if she is married. No one would be questioning her right to want to be a mother.
At least in my world of having been Reared by Socialists, good mothering should have nothing to do with ability to buy or accumulate Stuff. Similarly, privilege should not be about guilt. (To me, occupying positions of privilege is a bit like inheriting money. You are not a bad person for having been given this gift, nor are you being asked to give it back). But I think you are being given a choice about what you do with it and how you spend it (such as whether you choose to share, and what you do with it or invest in) and you are on the most basic level being asked not to be a berk devoid of empathy or sensitivity. I think you should be asked to remember that you have not been given this gift because you are More Special Than or Worthier Than or Better Than, so much as Luckier Than.
For me, for my idealistic heart the dream it all comes down to is always this - the widening of scope. That the stage is big enough for all of us. That we are all deserving of interest and acknowledgement. That all our stories become part of the telling and the remembering. Because you are not my ennemy, or my competitor. Because somewhere deeper than bone, we are sisters, you and I.
*The world being complex, being middle class is not always a gift. For starters, it can make it more difficult to seek and receive help. However, on the whole, I think it's fair to say that those who are middle-class will be given more opportunities and freedom of choice.