Sunday - Travelling back

[rainsinger]

Podgorica Airport smells of smoke. I am wearing my favourite summer travelling outfit- long black cotton shirt and strappy bright vest, with a wide belt, short-sleeved cardigan and gladiator sandals. On this journey it earns me a seat in Podgorica’s tiny airport café (miraculous), a free upgrade to business class (delightful) and a wink from the

Comments

not offensive at all

[rainsinger]

Leaving one's children with their grandparents is fairly common practise in Eastern Europe (it's certainly the way I spent my summers). I took Matei to his grandmothers at the end of June and stayed until he settled and then they went to Montenegro (where we have a house). Z is going to see him in two weeks and bring him home at the end of September.

In practise, most of the children I grew up with spent their summers with their grandparents (usually somewhere coastal or rural) and for many it was the highlight of their year. I think it's probably a fairly common practise in most places with extended families (I remember my Italian clients here sending their children to Italy for the summer).

Among the benefits are health and economy - being able to spend three months at the seaside is a huge investment in a child's long-term health (being in Montenegro as a child really helped sort out concerns around some of the illnesses I had as a child - and it's certainly sorting out my concerns around Matei's exposure to Vitamin D). It's certainly something that Z and I would never be able to afford to give him ourselves since we work, and my mother's willingness to essentially sit for three months in a hamlet in a village with Matei is something that I truly appreciate.

The other benefits are to do with strengthened family relationships especially between generations. Grandparents are a huge part of our culture and they feature especially heavily in children's lives - and it's been wonderful to be able to see how Matei has bonded with my mum and stepdad and how much spending time with him has meant to them.

It's also helped Z and me to have time for ourselves - in most ways romance has blossomed. On the other hand it's been a very difficult separation. For most of the time I've missed Matei dreadfully and if I wasn't buried up to my eyebrows in work for the next three weeks I am sure I would miss M even more than I do now. Z hasn't seen him since July so he's hopping eager to finally see his child. It's also sad for us to have missed out on the rapid changes - in the last few months he has matured so much that it's crazy -from potty training to language explosion - although it has meant that when I saw him it was all baby love for two weeks rather than Irritation.

Re: not offensive at all

[mockduck]

You certainly paint a compelling picture: it takes a bit of getting my head round, I suppose, because it's so contrary to how we have done things. But, the ills that it addresses, especially the one of having some time to yourself, really make sense, and it makes me wonder whether the stifling parenting we have practised is more for our own sakes than for Item's.

Re: not offensive at all

[rainsinger]

It's a lot to do with having trust with people you leave her with, having confidence in the way they would be looked after, and I don't know whether that would hold for the available grandparents.