For my next trick, I showcase my parenting experiences in a Strictly Come Dancing metaphor
It was searingly hot in Belgrade, and Matei was using his new found hand skillz to rip out chunks of my tumbling locks every morning so I felt FIERCE and I paid a man to chop off my hair. It looks like my Bad Haircut Curse may well be broken because I still love my haircut, probably because it shapes itself into crazy things every morning and gives gravity the finger.
As a bonus it requires no brushing whatsoever, which is both mighty and fine since the way of laziness is and has always been my way.
I was in Belgrade for ages which was lovely (always at least one person around to hold my child when I want to use the loo! Drinkable yoghurt! Cheap cabs!) but I've been doing Childcare On My Own in London for nearly a month and it's going much better than I expected mainly due to the fact that my child suddenly decided to transform himself into a downright agreeable human being. My improved child comes with these new handy features:
1) A regular nap schedule of naps longer than 30 minutes. There are fewer things than can drive me to distratction quite like an overly alert, clingy baby so I'm deeply happy with this model I have right now who seeks the blissful healing arms of sleep every 1.5 to 2 hours or so, which is why I have been a lot more productive lately. Also a nicer person. My kitchen surfaces have even been known to gleam and the adults in the family have a healthy supply of laundered undies at their disposal. One of these days I'll even be on top of my game so much I'll start returning phonecalls and emails or something.
2) Ability to entertain self with minimal input from mother. He gets to roll around on the bed grabbing his toes and contorting himself into various yogic ballerina poses while I sip some tea and read a book and salute his efforts.
3)Appearing to be in less of an existential crisis. Beforehand it's like all of Matei's thinking was in CAPS and he'd wake up screaming because of ABANDONMENT and being so MISUNDERSTOOD and if food wasn't immediately available the moment he fancied a snack then it was STARVATION and he spent a lot of time in DESPAIR casting himself about and wailing about DEATH and DOOM. Sadly he had not yet learned how to slam doors, otherwise he would have been like this wee teenager. But now, now for some reason he's more patient. Normally he wakes up and gurgles to himself for some five/ten/fifteen minutes and he's willing to wait for food to be prepared and served.
4)A laugh, that sounds like a series of grunts. It is quite adorable, even though it continues to elude capture on video.
5)Notices everything. Remembers a lot. Loves to cuddle an empty tub of Pringles. Clearly this means that now I need to consume more Pringles. FOr the child obviously. Because he needs objects of comfort and affection. I have much the same relationship with Pringles myself.
My baby also comes with some annoying features:
1.Ability to flip himself suddenly, with great force, and in unexpected ways. This has brought forth the first Fall Of A High(ish) Surface when he dived off the bed. THis is likely to be merely the first in a series of Regrettable Exploits That Seemed Like A Good Idea At The Time if Z's DNA has anything to say about it.
2. Houdiniesque ability to escape from restraints. Soon only an octopus will be be able to change his clothes or get him strapped into the buggy.
3. Inability to switch himself off and sleep, no matter how tired, because the world is too interesting and he has to KEEP LOOKING. While I empathise with the sentiment I also find myself covering his eyes a lot while whispering our family motto of "A nap makes everything better."
And happily he is still a cutie:
All in all though, Matei and I have found our groove and things are so much better. Downright easy some days in fact. Nowadays, it's less like we're constantly fighting each other and more like a dance. A quite jolly, rewarding dance. Sure, Arlene Phillips would probably make some arch comments about the footwork and timing and whatnot, but Len Goodman would give me two thumbs up and I think we'd get quite a good overall score from the judges.
I leave you with a display of fancy bendy tricks from the baby, and hope that you, wherever you are, whatever you are doing are also are having an excellent day. x
As a bonus it requires no brushing whatsoever, which is both mighty and fine since the way of laziness is and has always been my way.
I was in Belgrade for ages which was lovely (always at least one person around to hold my child when I want to use the loo! Drinkable yoghurt! Cheap cabs!) but I've been doing Childcare On My Own in London for nearly a month and it's going much better than I expected mainly due to the fact that my child suddenly decided to transform himself into a downright agreeable human being. My improved child comes with these new handy features:
1) A regular nap schedule of naps longer than 30 minutes. There are fewer things than can drive me to distratction quite like an overly alert, clingy baby so I'm deeply happy with this model I have right now who seeks the blissful healing arms of sleep every 1.5 to 2 hours or so, which is why I have been a lot more productive lately. Also a nicer person. My kitchen surfaces have even been known to gleam and the adults in the family have a healthy supply of laundered undies at their disposal. One of these days I'll even be on top of my game so much I'll start returning phonecalls and emails or something.
2) Ability to entertain self with minimal input from mother. He gets to roll around on the bed grabbing his toes and contorting himself into various yogic ballerina poses while I sip some tea and read a book and salute his efforts.
3)Appearing to be in less of an existential crisis. Beforehand it's like all of Matei's thinking was in CAPS and he'd wake up screaming because of ABANDONMENT and being so MISUNDERSTOOD and if food wasn't immediately available the moment he fancied a snack then it was STARVATION and he spent a lot of time in DESPAIR casting himself about and wailing about DEATH and DOOM. Sadly he had not yet learned how to slam doors, otherwise he would have been like this wee teenager. But now, now for some reason he's more patient. Normally he wakes up and gurgles to himself for some five/ten/fifteen minutes and he's willing to wait for food to be prepared and served.
4)A laugh, that sounds like a series of grunts. It is quite adorable, even though it continues to elude capture on video.
5)Notices everything. Remembers a lot. Loves to cuddle an empty tub of Pringles. Clearly this means that now I need to consume more Pringles. FOr the child obviously. Because he needs objects of comfort and affection. I have much the same relationship with Pringles myself.
My baby also comes with some annoying features:
1.Ability to flip himself suddenly, with great force, and in unexpected ways. This has brought forth the first Fall Of A High(ish) Surface when he dived off the bed. THis is likely to be merely the first in a series of Regrettable Exploits That Seemed Like A Good Idea At The Time if Z's DNA has anything to say about it.
2. Houdiniesque ability to escape from restraints. Soon only an octopus will be be able to change his clothes or get him strapped into the buggy.
3. Inability to switch himself off and sleep, no matter how tired, because the world is too interesting and he has to KEEP LOOKING. While I empathise with the sentiment I also find myself covering his eyes a lot while whispering our family motto of "A nap makes everything better."
And happily he is still a cutie:
All in all though, Matei and I have found our groove and things are so much better. Downright easy some days in fact. Nowadays, it's less like we're constantly fighting each other and more like a dance. A quite jolly, rewarding dance. Sure, Arlene Phillips would probably make some arch comments about the footwork and timing and whatnot, but Len Goodman would give me two thumbs up and I think we'd get quite a good overall score from the judges.
I leave you with a display of fancy bendy tricks from the baby, and hope that you, wherever you are, whatever you are doing are also are having an excellent day. x