(no subject)
I'm awake right now and what's going through my brain is something ridiculous and convoluted. That is to say, I think I'm actually being kept awake by impossible logic puzzles. I'm having nightmares about data analysis and semantics. I wish I were kidding. I just know that my brain is not letting me sleep at the moment because every time I close my eyes and try to relax I'm suddenly convinced that I need to start putting together the implications of one word or an action on some complicated system (that fades when I'm awake but is very present as soon as I am somewhat asleep.) And this is an overwhelming task, and I am so desperately aware of being unable to account for every variable and this makes me jolt awake again and again trying to not have to deal with the system or to be able to find the perfect solution that makes everything work.
So what does this mean, that I am kept awake now (1.5 hours net again) not by remotely relevant regrets or pressing decisions anymore, but by logic puzzles without solutions? Is this what university does--- rob you of the ability to even have remotely decent nightmares with plot or exposition anymore? Has characterization been outsourced and has attention to detail been supplanted by these dry questions of semantics? Does Anna need to find some new way to at least reclaim her imagination so that she can be kept awake by multi-eyed beasts? Or llamas? Or... even purple hats? Threatening purple hats?
I think I'm going crazy.
So what does this mean, that I am kept awake now (1.5 hours net again) not by remotely relevant regrets or pressing decisions anymore, but by logic puzzles without solutions? Is this what university does--- rob you of the ability to even have remotely decent nightmares with plot or exposition anymore? Has characterization been outsourced and has attention to detail been supplanted by these dry questions of semantics? Does Anna need to find some new way to at least reclaim her imagination so that she can be kept awake by multi-eyed beasts? Or llamas? Or... even purple hats? Threatening purple hats?
I think I'm going crazy.