Mulan: In the land of Mordor where China lies... one crossdresser to rule them all.
Mulan
LIVE ACTION MULAN.
DO I EVEN NEED TO SAY ANYTHING ELSE?
LIVE ACTION MULAN.
We all know the story: when the emperor comes knocking for new soldiers, Mulan joins in place of her decrepit father.
There's no dramatic hair-cutting scene (curses!) but we do get an awesome flashback where tiny!Mulan beats up some neighborhood bullies, and her father scolds, "If you want to fight, be a man in your next life."
Mulan doesn't wait that long.
Even though she literally does nothing to hide her identity except pull her hair in a ponytail, no one at camp is suspicious of her wide, pretty eyes and perfect porcelain skin. This leads me to believe camp is full of morons.
Of course, they could just be afraid that she'd beat them senseless.
Wentai admires her spirit.
Maybe a little too much...
THIS IS HOW HE LOOKS AT HER ACROSS THE BATTLEFIELD. You know you're in for a doozy when the heroine's true love admires her skill for slaughter.
Of course, he eventually catches her in the baths (sacred genderbender rule #128363).
She administers swift justice. :D :D :D
Their first real romantic scene comes after Mulan makes him promise to personally burn her corpse so her secret won't be discovered by anyone else in the event of her demise. Doesn't China make the sweetest love stories?
And such nice backdrops to blossoming love!
Wentai and Mulan become GENERALS, and I suppose that's not really a spoiler since it happens so early in the movie, but it still made me bolt up and shriek with glee because I hadn't expected Mulan to become a goddamn general in the national fucking army, how fucking awesome is that shit? Then they go around systematically killing important enemy leaders! Aww!
Not quite the Disney version.
What I loved most about Mulan is how they didn't linger on the crossdressing gimmick. It wasn't a movie about a woman in disguise, it was a movie about a soldier who learned the meaning of duty and responsibility, and she just happened to be female.
Female with a hot love interest.
*LIIIIIIIIICKS*
This is the evil, lascivious danyu. You know he's evil and lascivious because he sleeps on furs and wants to bang his sister. He also has a random singing slaveboy played by Russian pop star Vitas.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW. THEY NEVER EXPLAIN HIM. HE'S JUST THERE, SINGING AND POSTURING DRAMATICALLY IN THE WIND.
There's also this lady. I have no idea who the actress is, but I was hypnotized every time she appeared. *____* Actually, the whole movie was prettyprettypretty -- I didn't notice it at the time, I guess I was too invested in the battles, but looking through my caps I'm struck by how pretty and crisp everything is.
Objectively? Mulan was a decent movie, not great, not terrible. But it was like a dartboard for all my kinks -- I love historical epics, I love tough chicks in drag, I love angsty romance, I love hero(in)es struggling with duty and honor and morality -- so if you share any of those, you should definitely download.
mineminemineminehewillbemine
LIVE ACTION MULAN.
DO I EVEN NEED TO SAY ANYTHING ELSE?
LIVE ACTION MULAN.
We all know the story: when the emperor comes knocking for new soldiers, Mulan joins in place of her decrepit father.
There's no dramatic hair-cutting scene (curses!) but we do get an awesome flashback where tiny!Mulan beats up some neighborhood bullies, and her father scolds, "If you want to fight, be a man in your next life."
Mulan doesn't wait that long.
Even though she literally does nothing to hide her identity except pull her hair in a ponytail, no one at camp is suspicious of her wide, pretty eyes and perfect porcelain skin. This leads me to believe camp is full of morons.
Of course, they could just be afraid that she'd beat them senseless.
Wentai admires her spirit.
Maybe a little too much...
THIS IS HOW HE LOOKS AT HER ACROSS THE BATTLEFIELD. You know you're in for a doozy when the heroine's true love admires her skill for slaughter.
Of course, he eventually catches her in the baths (sacred genderbender rule #128363).
She administers swift justice. :D :D :D
Their first real romantic scene comes after Mulan makes him promise to personally burn her corpse so her secret won't be discovered by anyone else in the event of her demise. Doesn't China make the sweetest love stories?
And such nice backdrops to blossoming love!
Wentai and Mulan become GENERALS, and I suppose that's not really a spoiler since it happens so early in the movie, but it still made me bolt up and shriek with glee because I hadn't expected Mulan to become a goddamn general in the national fucking army, how fucking awesome is that shit? Then they go around systematically killing important enemy leaders! Aww!
Not quite the Disney version.
What I loved most about Mulan is how they didn't linger on the crossdressing gimmick. It wasn't a movie about a woman in disguise, it was a movie about a soldier who learned the meaning of duty and responsibility, and she just happened to be female.
Female with a hot love interest.
*LIIIIIIIIICKS*
This is the evil, lascivious danyu. You know he's evil and lascivious because he sleeps on furs and wants to bang his sister. He also has a random singing slaveboy played by Russian pop star Vitas.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW. THEY NEVER EXPLAIN HIM. HE'S JUST THERE, SINGING AND POSTURING DRAMATICALLY IN THE WIND.
There's also this lady. I have no idea who the actress is, but I was hypnotized every time she appeared. *____* Actually, the whole movie was prettyprettypretty -- I didn't notice it at the time, I guess I was too invested in the battles, but looking through my caps I'm struck by how pretty and crisp everything is.
Objectively? Mulan was a decent movie, not great, not terrible. But it was like a dartboard for all my kinks -- I love historical epics, I love tough chicks in drag, I love angsty romance, I love hero(in)es struggling with duty and honor and morality -- so if you share any of those, you should definitely download.
mineminemineminehewillbemine