No more break
Well there is no more Spring break for me. I was enjoying it so much that I didn't want to come home. I had a couple dates over the break that went ok. They were not really like "oh that was an awesome date I want to date her". I won't deny that I had alot of fun, but I just didn't feel that feeling of comfort and confidence that I felt with other girls. Those are the girls that I want to date. I want to date the ones that make me feel comfortable. I don't know if anything will develope from them but we will just have to see what happens. I just want to make sure that I don't get in another long term relationship because I don't think that is something I want again right now or in the near future. I am just going to go with the flow and see what happens. I mean the worst that can happen is that I won't date the girl. Maybe we will just be friends or maybe just a fling. I really don't know and I don't care. I'm just going with the thought that if it feels right at the time then that is all the matters. If you look too far ahead with someone then you are looking for disappointment. I foolishly made that mistake already once and I won't let that happen again.
I got to spend alot of time with my friends and with my family. I can't believe how many times I got to make fun of Arnold Swartzenegger in his movies. They are the greatest ever. We just watched Predator last night and it was so great all the dumb founded looks on Arnold's face. Most of the time I don't think he knew what was going on. Then the greatest line from Jesse "The Body" Ventura came from the movie "This stuff will make you into a fucking sexual Tyrannosaurus...... just like me." That is so freakin' awesome.
Anyway I really didn't want to come back to school this time. I really had no desire to be back here. I really do hate this place and I wish I could have gone to one of the colleges I wanted to go to, but oh well guess I got fucked. Fucking CF! I just amazes me how much a simply thing like college can get fucked up before your very eyes.
Oh and if anyone is wondering, even though I don't think anyone reads this anymore, my doctor is not happy because my weight was down but we think that is because of my running. My breathing numbers are up, but I got an xray on Friday and my right lung is not reinflating and we are not sure if it will again. The reason that we think that my breathing numbers are up is because my left lung is trying to compensate for the air that my right one is not pulling in. So it is great that I am working with basically one lung that is working at about 35%. So that really sucks. It makes everything harder.
I have accepted the fact that I am probably going to die early. I have come to terms with that and if that is my time to go then it is my time to go. I think I have accepted it from the beginning but have fought off death a couple times already. So whenever it comes it comes. I have experienced alot of things that I wanted to. I experienced love and everything that goes with it. I experienced college. I have seen the sunrise in just about every state. I have experienced the highest highs and the lowest lows. I have made a difference for a few people. That I think is a good life. So if it does happen I am ready for it, but just because I am ready for it doesn't mean I won't put up a fight. It means that when I do inevitably lose that fight it won't be as devastating. My only regret is that I might not get to experience the joy of children and marriage. Those were some things that I really wanted. I wanted to find that amazing girl to marry and have children. Be able to watch them grow up. But that might not be in the cards. I have already been living a life that shouldn't be. So I am grateful for that. That is why the thing that I hate most are people that do not take full advantage of the life that they have. Don't complain about you life unless you have something to really complain about.
Well I think that is all I have for now.
I got to spend alot of time with my friends and with my family. I can't believe how many times I got to make fun of Arnold Swartzenegger in his movies. They are the greatest ever. We just watched Predator last night and it was so great all the dumb founded looks on Arnold's face. Most of the time I don't think he knew what was going on. Then the greatest line from Jesse "The Body" Ventura came from the movie "This stuff will make you into a fucking sexual Tyrannosaurus...... just like me." That is so freakin' awesome.
Anyway I really didn't want to come back to school this time. I really had no desire to be back here. I really do hate this place and I wish I could have gone to one of the colleges I wanted to go to, but oh well guess I got fucked. Fucking CF! I just amazes me how much a simply thing like college can get fucked up before your very eyes.
Oh and if anyone is wondering, even though I don't think anyone reads this anymore, my doctor is not happy because my weight was down but we think that is because of my running. My breathing numbers are up, but I got an xray on Friday and my right lung is not reinflating and we are not sure if it will again. The reason that we think that my breathing numbers are up is because my left lung is trying to compensate for the air that my right one is not pulling in. So it is great that I am working with basically one lung that is working at about 35%. So that really sucks. It makes everything harder.
I have accepted the fact that I am probably going to die early. I have come to terms with that and if that is my time to go then it is my time to go. I think I have accepted it from the beginning but have fought off death a couple times already. So whenever it comes it comes. I have experienced alot of things that I wanted to. I experienced love and everything that goes with it. I experienced college. I have seen the sunrise in just about every state. I have experienced the highest highs and the lowest lows. I have made a difference for a few people. That I think is a good life. So if it does happen I am ready for it, but just because I am ready for it doesn't mean I won't put up a fight. It means that when I do inevitably lose that fight it won't be as devastating. My only regret is that I might not get to experience the joy of children and marriage. Those were some things that I really wanted. I wanted to find that amazing girl to marry and have children. Be able to watch them grow up. But that might not be in the cards. I have already been living a life that shouldn't be. So I am grateful for that. That is why the thing that I hate most are people that do not take full advantage of the life that they have. Don't complain about you life unless you have something to really complain about.
Well I think that is all I have for now.