Two weeks
So it has been about two weeks since Desiree and I had to break up and it never gets any easier. No matter what I do I can't fill this gap that is inside of me. I have not been myself for the last two weeks, and I will never be myself again because I will never be complete. It is becoming harder and harder to see her because my first instinct is to put my arms around her or kiss her or something like that but I stop myself because I can't do that anymore. It is like stopping myself from doing something that came natural before....... it is like trying to stop myself from breathing because everytime I do have to do it it hurts. I know that I will not be that happy ever again because I found the person that is my exact match. I found that one person that makes all my pains and worries go away and I have lost that. There is nothing that can be done about it except waiting. Moving on? Yea right! I have talked to so many of my friends and they say that if she makes me as happy as they know she makes me then we will be together again. They all have told me that they have never seen me smile that much or laugh so hard than when I am with her. They say that we match each other so perfectly that it would be a crime for us not to be together. I am going to wait as long as it takes. She is the most amazing girl in the world and anyone else compared to her would be crap and I could not be as happy. I have never given up on anything in my life and something this important I am not going to give up on. No matter how much it hurts me I am going to just tough it through the bad times because I know, without a doubt in my mind, that we will be together again. My brother even knows that I am not going to give up on this because he sees how much she makes me smile and he has not seen us together that much. My whole family, friends, and even my doctors noticed a change in my spirit and they could tell when we broke up because they all said that I looked like only half a person, which I kind of am. If I gave up on us it would be me giving up on life and that is not my style. Thanks to George my number one CC boy for reminding me why the team still talks about me when they need inspiration or motivation before races. But enough of sad things now on to better things.
I forgot to talk about my experience back at West Chicago. Over the Thanksgiving break I went back to visit what was left of the Cross Country team and to see coach because they had a race Saturday. So I was there Saturday morning to see the team. When I walked into the locker room I was greeted by my old teammates that were now juniors and seniors. We talked while they got ready for the race. I was looking around and saw that they still have the pull out couch that we found on one of our runs. All the hubcaps we brought back from our runs. They also did something alittle new. They put up all the pictures of some of the greatest runners they have ever had. There was Tim Keller up there who was one of the fastest guys I have ever seen in my life, and Harold Visser who training, studying and running a couple marathons in Germany. Then there are some other of our memorable runners, and right up there was me. I was like I know I shouldn't be up there. I was not a great runner like them. Coach told me that they took a vote and determined that I was one of the most deserving of a spot up there because I was one of the most determined runners that he has ever had the pleasure to coach. He said that he was so proud that even after getting right out of the hospital I was right back with the team running as soon as possible. He was proud of all the extra effort I put into my training to catch back up and show them all that I could do it. He says that he mentions me to all incoming runners when he gives he beginning of the season speech. So even guys that have never met me know me in some sense. He says that I will always be remembered by the Cross Country team for my determination, skill, and spirit. He also tries to teach some of the kids what we called the patented "Zach Attack" which is where you find a pace guy in the middle and just conserve all the energy you can. Then once you reach half way you sprint the rest of the way. I would make up twenty places with that. He says that no matter how many times he tries to teach it runners still burn themselves out trying to stay in front at the beginning. He says that I was a good runner with the lung function of one lung, but if I had two I would have been amazing. That felt good to hear from him.
Anyway this is getting long so lets sum up the last couple of days. Final in EPFE, worked with Desiree on Geog maps (took forever), and BSed a ten page book review last night which I was up til 5 trying to finish. Then I have two essays to write tonight. So fun fun times.
That is all the news for now. You stay classy San Diego.
I forgot to talk about my experience back at West Chicago. Over the Thanksgiving break I went back to visit what was left of the Cross Country team and to see coach because they had a race Saturday. So I was there Saturday morning to see the team. When I walked into the locker room I was greeted by my old teammates that were now juniors and seniors. We talked while they got ready for the race. I was looking around and saw that they still have the pull out couch that we found on one of our runs. All the hubcaps we brought back from our runs. They also did something alittle new. They put up all the pictures of some of the greatest runners they have ever had. There was Tim Keller up there who was one of the fastest guys I have ever seen in my life, and Harold Visser who training, studying and running a couple marathons in Germany. Then there are some other of our memorable runners, and right up there was me. I was like I know I shouldn't be up there. I was not a great runner like them. Coach told me that they took a vote and determined that I was one of the most deserving of a spot up there because I was one of the most determined runners that he has ever had the pleasure to coach. He said that he was so proud that even after getting right out of the hospital I was right back with the team running as soon as possible. He was proud of all the extra effort I put into my training to catch back up and show them all that I could do it. He says that he mentions me to all incoming runners when he gives he beginning of the season speech. So even guys that have never met me know me in some sense. He says that I will always be remembered by the Cross Country team for my determination, skill, and spirit. He also tries to teach some of the kids what we called the patented "Zach Attack" which is where you find a pace guy in the middle and just conserve all the energy you can. Then once you reach half way you sprint the rest of the way. I would make up twenty places with that. He says that no matter how many times he tries to teach it runners still burn themselves out trying to stay in front at the beginning. He says that I was a good runner with the lung function of one lung, but if I had two I would have been amazing. That felt good to hear from him.
Anyway this is getting long so lets sum up the last couple of days. Final in EPFE, worked with Desiree on Geog maps (took forever), and BSed a ten page book review last night which I was up til 5 trying to finish. Then I have two essays to write tonight. So fun fun times.
That is all the news for now. You stay classy San Diego.