(no subject)
My mom had a mild stroke Monday night. Thank God Tata was with her when it happened. She was just lying on the sofa watching TV when she felt her right arm go numb. She panicked and asked Tata to massage it. Then she said her tongue was withdrawing into her throat. Tata said her speech became slurred. Ever the alert person that my mother is, she took her skirt that was hanging by the chair and pulled her tongue out with it (you may find this hilarious but when you think about it, it's actually scary). My mom is a registered nurse but she stopped practicing the profession when a neighbor gave my eldest sister spoiled milk to drink when she was a kid. So at that moment that the numbness enfolded her, my mom knew there was something seriously wrong with her. While Tata was massaging her right arm, she said the two of them walked back and forth in the sala for fear that the numbness would get to her leg. If that happens, she'll be paralyzed for sure. Tata tried to reach me but I left my phone in the van when R and I had a late snack at Star Mart. I blame myself for not bringing my fon wherever I go (R always gets mad when I don't bring my fon with me). Anyway, we rushed home, bought Mom her medicines on our way and went to check on her.
I was spaced out on the way home that night. In denial that something serious could be happening to my mom, I refused to entertain thoughts that what happened to my father would happen to her, too. My mother is invincible. She's the strongest woman I know. Up to now, I'm still afraid of her. That's why moving out became a relief for me because I could get to go out every night if I want to, and come back any time I want, no questions asked. Without her, I became brave enough to go into a relationship with a person she did not approve of. Without her over my shoulder, I went out with my friends and drank to my heart's content. Without her to scold me and get on my case, I got to do what normal single, yuppy women my age do.
After R left the house that night, and my Mom retired to bed, I stayed awake afraid of what might happen if I go to sleep. My Mom slept in the other room (which was supposed to be my room), with Tata sleeping on the floor. I had to sleep alone in the what should be the master's bedroom because we didn't fit in the single bed anymore. I was afraid that Tata may not wake up immediately in case Mom feels the numbness again. I asked her to sleep beside me in the other room but she didn't want to. So I set her cell phone's speed dial all to my name and instructed her that should something happen, she should just press 2 buttons and that would reach me. I relied on technology to wake me in the next room should she get an attack again.
I barely slept that night. I wouldn't know what I would do if my mother leaves us. Yes, I do complain about her strictness, about how unreasonable she is sometimes, about how i missed some of the chances and opportunities in my life just because she didn't approve--but I can't make it without her. At least not yet.
I pray to God to keep her with us. There are still so many things that she should see. There are still events she should be there for. Heck, I want her to help me take care of my 1st child! And that's in 5 years' time. Oh, she'll make it then and even longer than that. She's strong and I'll help her in whatever way I can. I'm actually quite problematic with a lot of things right now, bills and bills to pay, but I'll get through this. We'll get through this.
My Mom may have been a difficult character for most parts of my life, but I love her. I'd go crazy if she goes away.
I was spaced out on the way home that night. In denial that something serious could be happening to my mom, I refused to entertain thoughts that what happened to my father would happen to her, too. My mother is invincible. She's the strongest woman I know. Up to now, I'm still afraid of her. That's why moving out became a relief for me because I could get to go out every night if I want to, and come back any time I want, no questions asked. Without her, I became brave enough to go into a relationship with a person she did not approve of. Without her over my shoulder, I went out with my friends and drank to my heart's content. Without her to scold me and get on my case, I got to do what normal single, yuppy women my age do.
After R left the house that night, and my Mom retired to bed, I stayed awake afraid of what might happen if I go to sleep. My Mom slept in the other room (which was supposed to be my room), with Tata sleeping on the floor. I had to sleep alone in the what should be the master's bedroom because we didn't fit in the single bed anymore. I was afraid that Tata may not wake up immediately in case Mom feels the numbness again. I asked her to sleep beside me in the other room but she didn't want to. So I set her cell phone's speed dial all to my name and instructed her that should something happen, she should just press 2 buttons and that would reach me. I relied on technology to wake me in the next room should she get an attack again.
I barely slept that night. I wouldn't know what I would do if my mother leaves us. Yes, I do complain about her strictness, about how unreasonable she is sometimes, about how i missed some of the chances and opportunities in my life just because she didn't approve--but I can't make it without her. At least not yet.
I pray to God to keep her with us. There are still so many things that she should see. There are still events she should be there for. Heck, I want her to help me take care of my 1st child! And that's in 5 years' time. Oh, she'll make it then and even longer than that. She's strong and I'll help her in whatever way I can. I'm actually quite problematic with a lot of things right now, bills and bills to pay, but I'll get through this. We'll get through this.
My Mom may have been a difficult character for most parts of my life, but I love her. I'd go crazy if she goes away.