Alone.
I'm sitting in silence in my office, well beyond the hour of which I should have left to go home, waiting to hear from high school friends to meet up for a roller derby match of another friend later tonight. And I'm getting nothing in return. I've been waiting for solidified plans all day really. I tried to hammer down times and organize things. And I've gotten nothing. So I guess I'll just venture there on my own, hopefully meet up with them, conceal my growing hunger pangs, and put on a happy face and go on with it, like there was never a problem.
That's the funny thing about depression. It sneaks up on you at the strangest times. I've been doing okay lately, but all of a sudden, today, right now, at this moment, I feel so incredibly alone, anxious, fighting back tears, with the feeling that I'm going to choke to death. And I don't understand why. My head is fighting that familiar battle..."I must have done something wrong, maybe that's why no one's responding..." "Maybe no one wants you to be there, that's why no one is responding..." "You can go on your own, you know..." It's crippling. In fact, I just want to go home, hide under the covers and never come out. Maybe I'll do that instead.
I just wish for one day when there was nothing wrong with me.
That's the funny thing about depression. It sneaks up on you at the strangest times. I've been doing okay lately, but all of a sudden, today, right now, at this moment, I feel so incredibly alone, anxious, fighting back tears, with the feeling that I'm going to choke to death. And I don't understand why. My head is fighting that familiar battle..."I must have done something wrong, maybe that's why no one's responding..." "Maybe no one wants you to be there, that's why no one is responding..." "You can go on your own, you know..." It's crippling. In fact, I just want to go home, hide under the covers and never come out. Maybe I'll do that instead.
I just wish for one day when there was nothing wrong with me.