And to think, every time I swallow after oral sex, I become more righteous!
Oh, god, I'm not sure if I can stop snickering. I just stumbled across a website called "Sex in Christ", which if you ask me sounds much dirtier than it should. The purpose of the site is to put forth The Official Word of God (TM) on various "deviant" sex acts, so good Christians should know what is and is not acceptable in the bedroom. The site starts by exploring the basics, including anal sex (acceptable between a man and a woman) to oral sex (ditto--as long as she swallows!) to masturbation ("God's great gift to us!"). But it doesn't neglect deeper matters like is fisting acceptable in a Godly relationship? What about BDSM? Or Threesomes?
Fortunately for the straight people of the world, all of these activities are perfectly acceptable within the confines of a heterosexual relationship! Oral and anal sex even have the added benefit of getting around that pesky virgin-until-marriage requirement, too! Because we all know that "there is no greater gift that a bride can give than to offer her pure, unsullied maidenhead to her husband on their wedding night."
At times the website is surprisingly liberal in its attitudes towards female sexual pleasure--it supports cunnilingus and encourages women to masturbate to gain sexual fulfillment if vaginal intercourse just isn't working--but of course it warns against screwing up the balance of power between men and women by letting the woman become too dominant. Couples "should first look deeply into their own hearts and pray for guidance as to whether it is wise for the wife to fist the husband" or engage in wife dominant/male submissive BDSM play in order to avoid the "spiritual confusion."
Overall, assuming that you can turn off the part of your brain that cringes at the broader social ramifications of the heteronormative, patriarchal portions of the messages, this collection of articles is absolutely hilarious! After all, it's not every day that you discover fisting could potentially be the "most spiritual experience" of your life and that you can masturbate for the glory of God! It's well worth a read if you're looking for some absurd humor and/or want to waste time instead of doing productive things (like me!).
Fortunately for the straight people of the world, all of these activities are perfectly acceptable within the confines of a heterosexual relationship! Oral and anal sex even have the added benefit of getting around that pesky virgin-until-marriage requirement, too! Because we all know that "there is no greater gift that a bride can give than to offer her pure, unsullied maidenhead to her husband on their wedding night."
At times the website is surprisingly liberal in its attitudes towards female sexual pleasure--it supports cunnilingus and encourages women to masturbate to gain sexual fulfillment if vaginal intercourse just isn't working--but of course it warns against screwing up the balance of power between men and women by letting the woman become too dominant. Couples "should first look deeply into their own hearts and pray for guidance as to whether it is wise for the wife to fist the husband" or engage in wife dominant/male submissive BDSM play in order to avoid the "spiritual confusion."
Overall, assuming that you can turn off the part of your brain that cringes at the broader social ramifications of the heteronormative, patriarchal portions of the messages, this collection of articles is absolutely hilarious! After all, it's not every day that you discover fisting could potentially be the "most spiritual experience" of your life and that you can masturbate for the glory of God! It's well worth a read if you're looking for some absurd humor and/or want to waste time instead of doing productive things (like me!).