Something's not right...
...with the career path that I'm on. My focus on theatre has shifted, and I don't think it's up to me to determine that a good or bad thing. It's just a thing. I find myself viewing theatre as something I have to do rather than something I always want to do...I still love it, but it's very different now. I just would feel weird switching to something else because (1) I feel like I have either too many or no other options, and (2) I would feel like I'm breaking up with theatre. The theatre faculty at Marymount is FANTASTIC. I would also feel like I'm breaking up with them. And I feel like I've wasted all this time! Also, deferring from theatre would probably require a transfer because Marymount is very focused on arts, and there aren't very many options for other majors that I would be interested in taking. I really wanted to look into a minor in journalism, but it's not offered.
There are two things I'm thinking:
1. I could be a really REALLY fantastic editor, but in order to get that status, I would have to work really hard in school and DEFINITELY major or minor in journalism or at least English (bah!) and have some college experience to put on my resume. I can't apply for a job at any newspaper or magazine and be considered without great credentials.
2. I love sign language. I LOVE it. Marymount offers two levels of sign language, but everyone wants in them, so they're pretty much impossible to get into them until junior or senior year. I can take sign language and not major or minor in it and still be an interpreter. I just have to pass the test and hook myself up with an agency, and I'm good to go.
...But if I'm going to transfer, I need to do it. Like, now. Right now. Because Marymount's credit system is different from anyone else's, so that adds to the feeling of wasted time.
And I want to stay in New York. New York City, actually. I don't want to go to NYU because I'm not pretentious and I can't be with people who are, plus (more importantly) I most certainly cannot afford 50 grand a year...I can't even afford the 36 I have on my plate right now. I haven't done enough research on Fordham, but they don't have a journalism major or minor, nor do I see any evidence of any journalism courses (as is the case here too). And I don't really want to go to Hunter College, so I'm not even going to check it out.
I'm having a lot of trouble understanding that it is my, and ONLY MY, future at stake, and I should not be thinking of anyone else (such as my teachers, advisors, and mother...even though my mother is possibly the most supportive woman ever, I still think of her) when considering this stuff.
I don't have commitment issues when it comes to a significant other (and I'm very VERY happy with the present, past, and future of my relationship), but I feel like I'm having GIANT commitment issues with a career. Because what happens when I major in theatre and then decide I want to go into journalism and then I've screwed myself not only out of time, but out of about $100,000! And then I have to start over or deal with something I don't want to do, and that is utterly unsatisfying.
...What do I do, where do I go from here, and how do I hold onto everything I love and change the things I don't?
None of this is set in stone yet...I could change my mind tomorrow and decide I want to stay in theatre. I do love it.
I can't figure it out. This is such a giant subject, and there are too many possibilities to make it easy.