May Angels Lead You In
After the whole Photog Incident and also other school-related matters, I'm really sorry to say that the school has disappointed me greatly. I still remember when I first entered, I had beautiful hopes and dreams for the future. Over the course of four years, I stood by watching them get smashed , tumbling one after another like dominoes. This school is my first taste of how society will be like, except a hundred times more brutal. And this is also where I developed the ability to defend myself. Some people will say this is a good thing - I agree, but only because the fact that we all have to learn this necessary lesson is something I hate. I still recall the first two years here, where I didn't dare to speak up or express my real opinions, just to maintain a facade that exhausted my heart every day. I learnt swear words to try and fit in. Now, I stand up against conflict, I don't care if people don't like me for who I really am. I'm proud to say that I don't have a filthy mouth, and I can carry myself with a lot more dignity than others. I can snap at those who cross my personal border, and I'm not afraid to voice out. All these are mere preparation for real life.
I feel depessed, what with the barrage of tests coming up, the inaptitude of the school and maybe just with life in general. But then I think of my friends and family and hobbies and all the little things I love, and maybe, just maybe, I believe I can hold on. I love running my fingers along colour pencils, inhaling the scent of new books, sighting the wonders of nature, listening to the patter of raindrops. I cherish laughing with friends. I relish the warmth that comes from snuggling among my pillows. I treasure the smiles I see. Yet I'm not flawless - I'm materialistic, can be self-centred and grumpy, which makes me want to lash out at the whole world. I want pretty trinkets that I have no use for.
Maybe my hormones are just messed up and I'm overly emotional, but I just can't help but wonder why we are trained this way - to be competitive and disregard others. Where is the care that is part of out school motto? And still teachers can wonder why I consider myself cynical and jaded. Why can't others see how flawed our system is? Does the problem really lie with the school, or is it that I expect too much?
He of the many faces who finds life in death and fears no evil; he who walks through doors. - Brisingr
This post is intentionally left unlocked. All names are also left out on purpose.