Home-less and home-finding
I'm back to where I was about 4 years ago. I'm guessing this happens every time one makes a big move. I've been thinking of Boone as home and I've been thinking of the people there as my people. But it's not and they're not, at least not anymore. It makes me sad and kinda lonely, but I know there's possibility here. I've been really reluctant to start thinking of Knoxville as home - I still am. Going to Durham this weekend and seeing my Boone people made me homesick for my old homes, but made me realize that they just aren't anymore. My love for those places and those people is still very strong, but they're not home. Knowing how great they were/are enhances my reluctance to start accepting Knoxville as home. I don't like it here very much. I haven't found many decent people here, especially decent people with whom I want to spend time. I love the house I'm in here. I like being near my family. I like the people I work with (though not the people who come into our office). I'm getting into Lambda. I'm thinking the latter is going to be my saving grace - this is where I can find decent people with whom I can build friendships. But I still feel kinda awkward since I'm not really in college right now. I dunno. At this point, I don't have a place to call home. I don't have any close friends (meaning friends who are close emotionally and geographically), and I don't really have many close friends emotionally anymore, which is really sad to me. I've been thinking about this today, and so I've become kind of lonely. But I also know that I was able to make a home out of Boone, and a really incredible one at that. Even if it is not my home anymore, I still think of it fondly. It's actually my goal to get my degree and get a job at App so I can make it my home again. I like it that much. But for now, I need to (and I hate this word) settle for Knoxville for a little while. With the DOW plummeting like it did today and the economy in the sewer, moving is a terrible idea right now, even if I know I'm settling. I think I can find something to help me carve out a niche and make this place home. But it'll take a while. For now, I'm home-less, even though I've got a very nice place to live. And I'm optimistic.