I wish I had something extremely profound to offer, like a cure-all, a way to make it all better again. But I don't. I agree with all the things said by the person before me. You've suffered a HUGE loss. You shouldn't belittle it or expect it to be something that will not matter anytime soon. Hell, I'm only just now feeling like I can say I'm getting over the hell Michael caused me, and I'm still working on Alex. It's a day-to-day thing. Something that helped me was talking to a therapist - a good one that tells me I'm NOT crazy. One of the best things he ever said to me was that I can't make the bad things in my past powerless, no matter how much I want to. I can't make them un-happen. They're always going to be real, they're always going to have an effect on me. I'm forever changed by them, and I have to be ok with that. BUT, what I CAN do is put them away. Like an old dusty book in a library on the very top shelf. I know every word in that book by heart, but I don't have to take it down and read it ever again. I can leave it there to collect dust. I have to acknowledge it exists, but it doesn't have to be vital. I think that's what you should aim for. You can't go back to how you were before this, you can't make it as though it never happened. It'll never be powerless, it'll never be something that you're numb to. And you shouldn't want to do that. This, like everything else, is a part of who you are, and a part of your experiences in this life. I think you're like me and you wanna control everything, especially your emotions. You wanna be able to not let it bother you. You want it to not have power over you. But you can't look at it like that. You gotta be like, "Ok, this is what happened. This is how I feel, and that's ok. I am effected by this, but that doesn't mean that that's the end. It's only a small part of who I have yet to become." Hopefully, that helps some. And yes...sister time is a MUST asap!!!
That does really help. Another thing that my aunt told me that I thought you might like is to remember that as long as you're growing, you're ok. This sounded like something you would say, and I thought I should share it with you.
I don't want to put you in a tough spot, but what might you say to spending Friday night here in Knoxville with me?
I already have plans for Thursday night in Bristol and JC. I could possibly see you sometime Thursday on my way through Knoxville. I'll give you a call and we'll discuss that further.
That might work...I've got plans with my aunt and cousin later Thursday night (around 7), and I'm working, but maybe we could at least meet for lunch? Let's talk about it. If you call after 5, I'll be able to talk.
Hopefully, that helps some.
And yes...sister time is a MUST asap!!!
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I don't want to put you in a tough spot, but what might you say to spending Friday night here in Knoxville with me?
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Love.
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