Dec 20, 2005 21:09
wow. i am very lonely. thinking about what other people may be exploring..thinking about where and why people hurry and get out of town for the holidays..and why they go back "HOME"..to a safe place? to see family?? too bad i don't really have that and i don't enjoy this time of year too much..murfreesboro is my home now and i wish i had someone to share my home with..
although this time of the year always brings refreshing new things for me..new ideas..and new people..i don't really miss the old that much..the old has forgotten about me..and the old was never really in my favor anyways..and now..i'm not in its favor either..
my life at the moment is like a sad song with hand claps..i think it makes a whole lot of sense..
i still think about mister merle every day..unfinished business and unfinished conversations will do that to you..i wanted to ship him a christmas gift..to let him know someone still thinks about him..but i probably will not..i know deep down he doesn't appreciate me..yet maybe he doesn't want to be expressive..why does he runs away from every one?..
"this very secret that you're trying to conceal..is the very same one that you're dying to reveal.."
my heart breaks every day for the beauty i see in the world..the beauty that goes unnoticed..the beauty in men..old and young..this fast paced world is not for me..i should have been born 80 years ago..at a time where i could love and love naturally..at a time where things were appreciated and never neglected.