New Fic...
For eternal_flyers
Title: You Said No
Author: raingoddess2040
Fandom: CSI: Miami
Pairing: Eric/Speed
Rating: FRT
Warning: Angst, slash, character death
Disclaimer: If I owned CSI: Miami, Stetler would be Horatio's bitch.
A/N: I was guilted into writing this by Raven McBain aka ScifiRogue after she read my fic Seasons of Loneliness.
~~@#@~~
"Eric, calm down."
"How could she do this? I mean, I know that she wants a family and a husband and things before... This isn't the way to go about it. He's our boss. How do I even know that he'll -"
"How do you know that he'll take care of her?"
"No, that's not what I meant. I want to know if he'll be able to handle her... passing? She's only doing this because of the cancer. Speed, Tim, I don't want either of them hurt by her rush."
"They won't be. He loves her, she loves him and the cancer will go away. They'll be happy. They are happy. Be happy for them too, okay babe?"
I've been trying to calm him down for the last hour or so. He's so wound up after finding out that Marisol and H are getting married tomorrow. I understand where he's coming from, but I know they care for each other, so I think that they should go through with it.
"Baby, you know that I'm happy for them, but I also know how I would feel if you passed away. I would be devastated if you were gone. I just don't want that for H."
"Look, I know you're worried, but they both deserve to be happy, just like us. Let them have their chance."
I could see him slowing his pacing and when I heard him sigh, I knew I had gotten through to him.
"Okay, I'm just worried, you know." He comes to lay next to me on the bed.
"I know, baby, but worry later, okay?"
"Okay. I love you, you know that right?"
"Yeah, I do, but I may need a demonstration." I say this very suggestively with much eyebrow movement.
"Ha! You are such a whore, but you're my whore." He says this laughing so my plan of relaxing him worked and I also get sex out of the bargain. I am good.
I kiss him and lay him back on the bed so that we both can occupy our minds and bodies with other things.
~~#@#~~
He comes home from the small ceremony looking relieved and happy,but at the same time, sad and wistful. Something is of course wrong which means it's up to me to make it right. It is so hard being the perfect boyfriend.
He flops onto the couch with a sigh, so I sidle up and sit next to him. Right next to him. So close that I'm almost on his lap.
He gives me a look that says, 'Now is not the time.' I don't care because I've seen the look before and it never helps to leave it there.
"What's up?" I ask
"Nothing," he says. I sigh. This is going to be rough.
"Eric, just tell me what's wrong."
"It's nothing."
"It is something, or else you would tell me."
"Fine. I'm jealous," he says as he crosses his arms. I try to reach out, but he turns away. This means something big.
"Jealous of who?" I ask tentatively.
"Mari and H."
"Jealous of Mari? Well, you have to admit that H is kinda sexy. Or Jealous of H. If you're jealous of H then I'm not sure I wanna date you anymore. Remember, incest is illegal," I say jokingly.
"What! No!" That earns me a shocked glare, "I'm jealous of them, of their marriage, of their relationship."
"What do you mean?"
"They get to get married and tell people about their relationship and be out in public together," he turns and looks me straight in the eye, "Doesn't it bother you that we can't, or rather, we don't because we would be ridiculed or something along those lines? Doesn't it bother you that we can't show the world that we love each other without someone thinking that it's wrong? Does it bother you? It bothers me and sometimes it really hurts."
"Eric - I don't..." He's already turned away. He's shaking slightly and as I put my had on his shoulder, he gets up and leaves the room.
~~@#@~~
We haven't spoken of that night since then and now it's starting to make things difficult for us. Eric is pulling away from me slowly. He's been working later and asking to work other cases besides the ones I'm on. At home, he's quiet and when we make love, he seems as if he's not there.
Tonight, I've decided that we need to resolve it, so, as soon as Eric walks through that door, we are gonna talk about this.
Eric walked in and sat down on the couch at around nine, which is really very late for him. I'm worried and wary, but I won't let that stop me.
"Eric," I whisper, "I need to talk to you about something, okay? Something very important."
His only response is to turn and look at me. Not in my eyes though.
'It's Now or Never,' I think.
I get down on one knee in front of him and take his hand. I gather my courage and look into his eyes and hold his blank gaze for a while. His eyes shift through emotions quickly as I gather my will.
"Eric Armando Dimitri Delektorsky, would you commit to me and only me, being my life partner and only love?"
He's silent for a few seconds and I'm worried that I've scared him away. He shocks me by leaning forward and squeezing me in a tight hug. He whispers unintelligible nonsense that's all centered around how much he loves me and how glad he is that I asked him.
I pull back and look into his shining bright eyes and ask, "So, what's your answer?"
"I love you Timmy," he whispers, "so, I have to tell you, no." and just like that my heart stops. I don't know who it is that is sitting in front of me in Eric and I's apartment, but it can't be Eric.
"But-but..." I stutter.
"Shh. We'll talk tomorrow, okay? I'm gonna go crash with Calleigh tonight. See ya tomorrow love."
With that, he stands and makes his way to the door. Tomorrow is going to be difficult. I kind of hope that it never comes.
~~@#@~~
I wake up to an empty space beside me, my sleep addled brain reminding me that Eric wasn't here. For some reason I don't want to go to work, though, even though I know that Eric will be there and we'll talk.
I get to the lab a little late and find that it is silent. Everyone is here and working, but there's some sort of tension in the air. A lab tech walks past me and his eyes widen hysterically before he hurries down the hall. This is stranger, but even stranger are the similar looks other people are giving me. Some of the looks almost seem consolatory. I wonder why.
I continue to make my way to H's office as I realize that's the lab is only like this when an officer has been killed. I wonder who it is. 'Is it Frank or Yelena or Hagen?" I think it has to be one of them because it has to be the only reason those looks are being given out like free candy.
I walk into H's office to find Frank, Yelena and Hagen very much alive and Calleigh and Alexx as well. They all turn to look at me, Calleigh and Alexx with tears in their eyes and Frank looking stone-faced. Hagen and Yelena look upset and H is completely immobile.
I turn to the whole room after I spot what is lying on H's desk.
"It has only just occurred to me that there is a badge covered in blood on H's desk and that the only person not present in the room is Eric," I say, "so I'm assuming that something has happened to Eric. Also because of the fact that no one is at a hospital, I'm assuming that Eric is dead. Seeing as that is the most likely thing to have happened, I would just like to ask one thing." They look at me curiously. "Would someone please catch me, because I'm about to pass out." That's all I remember before the darkness.
~~@#@~~
"They say that you were just in the wrong place at the wrong time. The kid was only 15 and now he's going to jail for life for killing a cop. I know you wouldn't want that. The jury wasn't as sympathetic as you would've been.
"You're funeral was yesterday. It was beautiful.You went out in true pimp style. All these women and a good few men showing up to say goddbye. I was surprised at how many were simply friends. I guess I shouldn't have been becaus e everyone loved you.
"H spoke and everyone cried, Eric, and I mean everyone. It was so hard to hear H talk about you in the past tense because you were supposed to still be here.
"I miss you Eric and I'm so mad at you. I love you so much and I hate so much less. I asked you what I thought you really wanted and you said... you said... you said no. I just want to know why, Eric. Why did you say no?"