Describe My First Heart Break
It is funny, when my soulmate first asked, my mind instantly went to Anthony, my so called "first love", but was he my first love? By the time I got my computer out, and I sat down to begin, I understood, probably for the first time, he wasn't my first love, nor my first heart break. My first love was met at birth, not just any birth, but my birth. In the room next to my mom, was her best late best friend, pushing, screaming, and laboring right along side of my mother. Hours later, in Lubbock, TX, they wheel my tiny newly birth self into a room full of nurses and other humans. They line me up directly beside, and unknown at the time, first heart break. Fast forward to my next memory, preschool. I am outside a big church, during Christmas time and there is a boy hiding behind his mother's knees with a present for me. I can't remember what it is, but I do know I loved it. A few days later, I am in his house. He is again hiding, and I can't help but smile. I have a present for him. He is telling his mom, "Shes so pretty". He is blushing, and now I am. I can't remember what was being said between the our moms, but I am sure we were adorable. The years continue, a young love, built at birth is in the making. My memories are scattered. I remember getting a ring, playing James and the Giant Peach, playing church monopoly, watching ZOOM after school, he made me chocolate roses (which my grandmother keep until I got married in 2015), SO many Skyview (drive in movies theater with food and playground) memories from playing to watching movies, and him punching a boy that said I wasn't pretty. I also remember when my family decided to move Arkansas. It broke my heart. We stayed in touch, but the true heart break didn't come till years later. We went down to visit, and it was like we hadn't been apart all these years. We curled up together in the back of my mom's ford expedition and watched movies at the Skyview. More in love than ever. The next day we went around visited friends and family. That night though, is where, even now I can feel the pain oozing from the dark hole I hid it in, the true heart break takes place. I had to go back to Arkansas, we had to be apart, but this time it was more real. He was like my twin being ripped from me. We cried and held each other outside of my mom's vehicle, trying to come up with all the way I could stay. He told me he loved me, and I told him I loved him. I got in the vehicle, and he placed his hand on the window begging my mom for one more day. I put my hand on the window as everything inside me broke. The tears and sobbing were at this point uncontrollable. As we backed away, I watched him collapse to the ground. For the next like three weeks I listened to one song on repeat, One More Day by Diamond Rio. So, to really describe my heart break, you would have to take two people who over time merged together then you rip them apart and watch them try to pick up the pieces miles and miles apart. It was an ending to a fairy tale that had barely started. Years and years later we connected on Myspace and texted now and then. Even saw each other once, I realized he changed, and so had I. Both of his parent's have pasted away, and in there is a lot of pain that floats around it. These people were a big part of my life. She was always asking about me, his dad built me a computer when I didn't have one and sent it to me. When they passed, Kody and I didn't talk anymore. I used his name. It doesn't hurt as bad as I thought it would. It was a great first love and a, still, sad first heart break. I was young, but being pulled away from someone that told me as often as possible how beautiful I was, punched people that didn't agree, made me roses, and played pretend with me, hurt me to my core. This pain got stuffed down into a hole, and since I cried while listening to the song again, I know it was a good heart break, it wasn't because he did something wrong, it was because we were to young to stay together. I don't think I can ever forget our hands trying to touch each other through a car window, or the way he fell to the ground as we drove away. I also know I wouldn't have what I have now, if things were different.