Soon I will update this more frequently
Dude I'm getting a Dell. Laptop that is. I will be able to pour my heart out on here and rant about whatever'. Life is kinda crazy right now.
Dad began chemo and radiation last week. He has technically nasopharynx carcinoma. In laymen's terms that is sinus cancer. It is a multiple cell cancer that is very agressive. In the cancer there are four stages. He is well in his fourth. It has invaded the frontal lobe of his brain, which controls his emotions. They don't give him but a few months. The doctor's are hoping that it will shrink with radiation and chemo. What really pisses me the fuck off is that when he found out about it in December he was in stage two and he could have had an operation to remove the growth. The biggest reason that did not happen is because of the blankety blank insurance company. They have fucked him over so many times. They made him wait three months to begin treatment. He had to wait four months last year to get treatment for prostrate cancer. I mean I know that cancer happens and it is life threatening, but people pay tons of money for insurance to treat things like these when they happen. Fucking insurance companies. I hate them. Mom and Becky call me daily crying. Dad wants to discontinue his treatment. He is so tired and not able to do much of anything. It breaks my heart to see him suffer. As horrible as it sounds, I worry about the repercussions of his death and the reponsibilities I will have to take on. I mean I am only 25 and I want to get married one day and have kids. Instead I am afraid I will have to take care of my Mom who is slowly losing her mind these days. Becky and Chris can't help, nor can they deal with it. I don't know what to do other than feel numb. I would love to get some support from people, but I won't allow myself to reach out. I need to have a good cry on someone's shoulder, but have no one I feel like I can turn to. Such is life I guess. One day I will have someone or something that believes in me and supports me as much as I do them. I think it is a one sided coin as of late.
Cool thing, my youngest neice, Madolyn, is getting baptized tomorrow at 1:00. I haven't had time to see her recently, but I did she her for the fourth time in three months this week and she is so damn adorable. I am going to watch her next weekend at an army event for my brother. I am excited, because I am going to have a weekend break away from everyone and everything. I hope that my cell phone doesn't work.
I am taking care of everyone and everything, but myself. I would love to have someone help me for a change, but then again I can only dream.
I am getting a house on Meade Street with Sam and Cam. I am kinda excited. I am also not excited. I will be happy to get off Camden Ave. I love Sam and Cam, but I need out of this town. I need out of this life. I need a damn vacation. I need to go to California or Ireland. I am so over caring about everything. These days caring just hurts too damn much. Unfortunetly life goes on. I just wish it would go on a little faster. That's all.
To everyone in cyber space, and those who haven't gone to myspace.com, Peace.
Dad began chemo and radiation last week. He has technically nasopharynx carcinoma. In laymen's terms that is sinus cancer. It is a multiple cell cancer that is very agressive. In the cancer there are four stages. He is well in his fourth. It has invaded the frontal lobe of his brain, which controls his emotions. They don't give him but a few months. The doctor's are hoping that it will shrink with radiation and chemo. What really pisses me the fuck off is that when he found out about it in December he was in stage two and he could have had an operation to remove the growth. The biggest reason that did not happen is because of the blankety blank insurance company. They have fucked him over so many times. They made him wait three months to begin treatment. He had to wait four months last year to get treatment for prostrate cancer. I mean I know that cancer happens and it is life threatening, but people pay tons of money for insurance to treat things like these when they happen. Fucking insurance companies. I hate them. Mom and Becky call me daily crying. Dad wants to discontinue his treatment. He is so tired and not able to do much of anything. It breaks my heart to see him suffer. As horrible as it sounds, I worry about the repercussions of his death and the reponsibilities I will have to take on. I mean I am only 25 and I want to get married one day and have kids. Instead I am afraid I will have to take care of my Mom who is slowly losing her mind these days. Becky and Chris can't help, nor can they deal with it. I don't know what to do other than feel numb. I would love to get some support from people, but I won't allow myself to reach out. I need to have a good cry on someone's shoulder, but have no one I feel like I can turn to. Such is life I guess. One day I will have someone or something that believes in me and supports me as much as I do them. I think it is a one sided coin as of late.
Cool thing, my youngest neice, Madolyn, is getting baptized tomorrow at 1:00. I haven't had time to see her recently, but I did she her for the fourth time in three months this week and she is so damn adorable. I am going to watch her next weekend at an army event for my brother. I am excited, because I am going to have a weekend break away from everyone and everything. I hope that my cell phone doesn't work.
I am taking care of everyone and everything, but myself. I would love to have someone help me for a change, but then again I can only dream.
I am getting a house on Meade Street with Sam and Cam. I am kinda excited. I am also not excited. I will be happy to get off Camden Ave. I love Sam and Cam, but I need out of this town. I need out of this life. I need a damn vacation. I need to go to California or Ireland. I am so over caring about everything. These days caring just hurts too damn much. Unfortunetly life goes on. I just wish it would go on a little faster. That's all.
To everyone in cyber space, and those who haven't gone to myspace.com, Peace.